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And so it begins...

kaylinh1013kaylinh1013 member
in Single Parents
First time poster here! Mostly just looking for a place where I'm "understood" since I'm the only single mom in a crowd of married friends! :-) 

After zero communication for 10months my x has filed a mediation request for placement of my DS- mind you he's 14 months now and hasn't seen my x since March! Not once has my x reached out to ask to see him, send a gift etc. I'm sick to my stomach at the thought of losing any time with my sweet boy. And it pains me to know that my son is going to be terrified if he's yanked away from the only home he has known to be taken care of by someone he considers a perfect stranger!

I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself and most importantly sorry for my little boy who has to suffer because of my poor judgment!
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Re: And so it begins...

  • Gamera3000Gamera3000 member
    You got your LO out of being with this guy! Dont blame yourself for his shitty behavior! We can't force other people to be human beings.

    I don't get why BDs want to do all this possessive legal stuff when they haven't bothered to see their kids in the first place. I don't know a single person who wouldn't be cool with their BD coming to see their kids and being a real father. But so many of them don't! They just want to start fights and cause problems! It's so stupid!

    Welcome! This is a nice board and people are very supportive here!
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  • kaylinh1013kaylinh1013 member
    Thanks! Its frustrating because on a whim he can decide he wants to be involved after a year of nothing! To treat a child- especially your own- like a pawn is just sickening to me! I've never had to go thru mediation or court or anything like it so hopefully its painless! 
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  • tig594tig594 member
    Um, I'm no expert, but any judge who'd give this dude any type of custody right of the bat should be kicked off the bench.  I'd think he'd be lucky to get some visitation to start with. 
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  • 20thirteen20thirteen member
    I agree with tig, there is no reason this guy should get whatever he wants. Show proof he's had no interest or contact with your LO.
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  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    What tig and roxalot said. Theyll probably reward visitation at most this time
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  • kaylinh1013kaylinh1013 member
    Thanks for all the nice replies! We did have a little 'showdown' this weekend. Basically he thinks he's getting 'ripped' off because he believes he's paying too much child support, which is why he filed for the mediation. He didn't like being informed that he had to EARN a spot in DS life! Also mentioned terminating his rights! If only it was that easy! I'd love that! I told him I'd have my lawyer look into it, he hung up on me ( because that's mature and going to make mediation go so well in a few days). A little while later I got a text from a number I don't know saying 'FYI he has rights to HIS son and we can do this the easy way or spend a lot of money doing it the hard way' nice right?! He's SO looking out for the best interest of 'his' son... That he doesn't even know!
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  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    Lmao! Child support is detirmed by a state calculator based on a percentage of his paycheck. So good luck to him getting that lowered.
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  • kaylinh1013kaylinh1013 member
    Clearly he's only focused on the most 'important' things! :-) 
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  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    Clearly. Glad to see your sticking around. This is a great board with a great group of non jugmental women.

    For what its worth, your bd is a tool. Your a good mommy. For now do what you need to do but right now its best to limit contact with bd, keep contact as civil as possible and document document document.

    Personally i like to keep interactions with bd to text messaging and facebook so i can screan shot interactions with him.
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  • 20thirteen20thirteen member
    LOL, I like how he's got someone to send you messages to tell you how it's going to go down. You should research that number and if you get more messages, tell your lawyer you want to file stalking charges. What a fucking idiot.
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  • HollykathleenrHollykathleenr member
    kaylinh1013 said:

    Thanks for all the nice replies! We did have a little 'showdown' this weekend. Basically he thinks he's getting 'ripped' off because he believes he's paying too much child support, which is why he filed for the mediation. He didn't like being informed that he had to EARN a spot in DS life! Also mentioned terminating his rights! If only it was that easy! I'd love that! I told him I'd have my lawyer look into it, he hung up on me ( because that's mature and going to make mediation go so well in a few days). A little while later I got a text from a number I don't know saying 'FYI he has rights to HIS son and we can do this the easy way or spend a lot of money doing it the hard way' nice right?! He's SO looking out for the best interest of 'his' son... That he doesn't even know!

    I've lurked on the boards for a while but thought on this one I would add my two cents. The text you received makes it sound like to me that he has a GF he fed some sob story to and now is "fighting" for his rights to impress her/she wants to be a "mommy" I'm going through something like that right now.
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  • 20thirteen20thirteen member
    That was my first thought too. I mentioned the stalking thing because I was being harassed by my BD's ex-gf and it got to the point that my lawyer asked if I wanted to press charges but by the time I brought it ip, the girl had stopped.
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
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  • HollykathleenrHollykathleenr member
    Yeah in my case BD has started getting her on time and keeping her the whole visit then I got some random Facebook message and that's how I found out about his GF and her kids when she contacted me. Apperantly BD wasn't happy she did that cause she was suppose to stay a secret and they have since tried to twist it things. But now they have decided BD GF her kids and DD are some perfect family and he has GF referring to herself as DD's mom and I'm some random person who breaks up their "perfect family" every few days. I found out recently it's because GF wants a baby and wouldn't you know DD just turned 13 months.
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  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    Hollykathleenr said:

    Yeah in my case BD has started getting her on time and keeping her the whole visit then I got some random Facebook message and that's how I found out about his GF and her kids when she contacted me. Apperantly BD wasn't happy she did that cause she was suppose to stay a secret and they have since tried to twist it things. But now they have decided BD GF her kids and DD are some perfect family and he has GF referring to herself as DD's mom and I'm some random person who breaks up their "perfect family" every few days. I found out recently it's because GF wants a baby and wouldn't you know DD just turned 13 months.

    Thats very sad. Hope your dd isnt affected by their garbage in the future, or even now for that matter.
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  • 20thirteen20thirteen member
    edited February 2014
    WTF, you can't just assume the mother role in a baby's life if the mother's role is already taken!  Who the fuck does this bitch think she is?  "I want a baby. In fact, I want yours. So, if you don't mind, I'll be taking your LO off your hands." Really?? Christ, screen shot all Facebook messages from the both of them, and make sure your lawyer sees the texts (or lack thereof), too. Take that bitch down.
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  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    Roxalot said:

    WTF, you can't just assume the mother role in a baby's life if the mother's role is already taken!  Who the fuck does this bitch think she is?  "I want a baby. In fact, I want yours. So, if you don't mind, I'll be taking your LO off your hands." Really?? Christ, screen shot all Facebook messages from the both of them, and make sure your lawyer sees the texts (or lack thereof), too. Take that bitch down.

    This is sound advice id also screan shot any posts on facebook where they referance her as mom.

    Also if she wants a baby how about he lnocks her up
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  • HollykathleenrHollykathleenr member
    They are playing their cards carefully right now I'll make my own post I don't want to take over this one.
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  • jdias428jdias428 member
    just, wtf. i'm sorry you're dealing with this. i'm so afraid this is my future with my bd, boooo. 
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  • tig594tig594 member
    WTF.  What is with these dickheads thinking they are paying too much in child support.  Maybe you should have invested in a condom then.  Assholes.
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  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    tig594 said:

    WTF.  What is with these dickheads thinking they are paying too much in child support.  Maybe you should have invested in a condom then.  Assholes.

    Lmao the condom is a cheaper option after all
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  • Gamera3000Gamera3000 member
    I gave condom care packages to all my friends for Christmas. In a bizarre twist I'm the only one of them to consistently use them. Just not that one time last June...
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  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    Gamera3000 said:

    I gave condom care packages to all my friends for Christmas. In a bizarre twist I'm the only one of them to consistently use them. Just not that one time last June...

    I forgot to change my nuva ring which was my primary birth control. Im ridiculously forgetful about birth control so after ds i got the iud im protected for the nrxt five years.
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  • HollykathleenrHollykathleenr member
    MinnesotaMomma91 said:

    Gamera3000 said:

    I gave condom care packages to all my friends for Christmas. In a bizarre twist I'm the only one of them to consistently use them. Just not that one time last June...

    I forgot to change my nuva ring which was my primary birth control. Im ridiculously forgetful about birth control so after ds i got the iud im protected for the nrxt five years.
    I was given a bad batch of depo the first time in the military and the second depo just failed. After DD2 was born I just had them tied so no more worries for me. My BF talks about in the future me getting them untied but he has kids and I have kids and honestly I hate being pregnant so I've told him I most likely won't do it. He's pretty cool about it and says it's my decision and he will support it either way since because it's not like he doesn't have his own kids already.
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  • Gamera3000Gamera3000 member
    Thor is the result of a weekend where I used NOTHING for the first time ever because I thought having sex two days after my period was "safe". Stupid me.

    My ex got fixed when we were 21, but if we don't get back together I'm going to use BCP as well as condoms. I'm glad to be having this one but I'm not doing this again.
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  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    Gamera3000 said:

    Thor is the result of a weekend where I used NOTHING for the first time ever because I thought having sex two days after my period was "safe". Stupid me.

    My ex got fixed when we were 21, but if we don't get back together I'm going to use BCP as well as condoms. I'm glad to be having this one but I'm not doing this again.

    I dont blame you at all! Youve had a rough pregnancy im sure your just ready for it to be over
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