Time off

veetveet · February 2014

For those of you that have a had a loss- specifically those that were later in pregnancy- How much time did you take off from work? How long did it take you to become your "new normal"? I know every person is different- just looking to learn about other's experiences.

My company offers 26 weeks Short Term Disability. Is that enough time? I just don't know what to expect- how I am going to be after my termination and delivery on Tuesday... because I can tell you right now I am pretty angry. I have a really bad short fuse- everything and everybody is pissing me off (With the exception of my hubby and daughter). I don't want to talk to any of my friends and when I do- I am very short with them.

I have waves of being OK... then it hits me and I lose it- emotional roller coaster.

Mrodriguez898 · February 2014

So sorry that you had to join out board and for what you are going through. Now I am on my six week break and honestly, when it's over I don't think I will be ready. I am even considering using my FMLA for additional time.
But then again everyone is different. You may be able to love on but not forget. No matter what I wish you the best and hope you will take the time necessary not only tho heal physically but emotionally and remember you still have your precious little girl who will still need her mama.
(Hugs)

stefuge · February 2014

I had 8 weeks disability time because I had a c-section. I chose to take another week off because my first day back would have been my EDD and I could not handle that. Once I went back to work it was actually kind of nice to have something else to focus on and take my mind off of things.

I think this is different for everyone and you will just have to see what works for you. I know some ladies have gone back part time at first, which can also help.

MCH77 · February 2014

I lost my son at 24 weeks. Due to his size I was able to have a D&E, therefore cleared to return to work (though my dr would write me out as long as I needed). I decided to return a week later. This is not for everyone, but I needed the distraction of work. I was not productive, but it was a good decision for me. I plan on taking a mental health day this week, I need a day for me.

kflynn81 · February 2014

From the time I was admitted for observation of preeclampsia , delivered, went home, and was back to work full time was 2.5 weeks total. I was admitted shortly after being off a full week on vacation and haven't earned my time off with pay. I rushed myself back thinking I was losing money. If you have the time take as much as you need. I'm still full of bitter remarks and I'm 7 weeks out from my sons delivery. In hindsight I wish I took at least another week or two off.

Bgirma · February 2014

I'm almost 7 weeks out from my son's delivery and I tried to go back after 4 weeks because I felt like I should be productive but was not ready at all. I took the next two weeks off and am going back half days for this week and next. I feel like I was probably physically recovered enough to go back after a few weeks but definitely have needed time to get in a better place emotionally. Because I had my son two days before his due date, my maternity leave plan was already in place and my department was prepared for me to be out for three months so my plan is to ease back into work and not push myself too much.

OSUWifey09 · February 2014

***SIGGY***

I lost Devon at 34.5 weeks and took off six weeks [I went back the week after his EDD]. I probably could have taken another week or two to clear my head mentally, but the distraction of work really helped [and I ran out of paid leave]. It honestly took me months to really feel back to myself; it wasn't until I went to counseling eight months after we lost Devon that I finally came to grips with my new reality and was able to move forward. I still have my days of being OK and being ridiculously sad, and I think that will be the case for the rest of my life.

Take as much time as you need - and please be gentle with yourself. I was able to turn to my friends and family when I needed them, but I also remember having a really short fuse for awhile. My hope is that they understand why you're angry and support you. The days will get better, but it could take awhile. **hugs**

Noethola · February 2014

***Siggy warning***

I went back a week after. I went back on a limited schedule the first two weeks (working half days), but even that was kind of ridiculous to think I could do. The only redeeming parts were that I had an office with a door that I could shut and just cry and my team had been with me for 4 years, so I was ok crying in front of them as well. I will tell you it was a beast to go back and I probably should have taken more time. But no one would leave me alone at home (love my family, but I needed to just BE) and so I went to work to be alone somewhat. I would not really suggest it, and in hindsight should have taken at least 4 weeks. (I dont think you are really ever "ready" even when you do go back. Your whole world and outlook have changed and it will influence your work environment too.)

cawettig · February 2014

I was only able to take 6 weeks paid leave off. It was so hard going back but every day became easier to go into work. I am never going to be my old normal again. I am used to this "new normal" now and it is 10 months out today from our loss. There are days that are so hard to deal with this new normal and days I can go with out crying. Give your self time, there is no way to put an exact number of days it will take you.

stefuge · February 2014

@cawettig - ((hugs)) today on 10 months.

jbranden12 · February 2014

I went back half time at 10 days and full time a week later. DH was working and it wouldn't have been good for me to be home alone all day. However, everyone is different. The anger took a little bit longer for me. My first few weeks back (as a counselor) I was able to have more empathy than I could a few months later. We also knew we wanted to ttc again as soon as possible so getting back into a routine helped me.

neptunebljc · February 2014

I took 7 weeks off. Im glad I did.

My boss fired me though, she wasnt happy with me.

So now I have a new job, which is even better

bunnybun4 · February 2014

I took 2 weeks off and honestly am still mad at myself for not taking more time...I felt like I needed to start doing normal things and I put pressure on myself because at the time I felt like "so much time had passed"...

that being said I don't think I would've taken off more than a month or so...I am sure everyone is different but while it was hard going back it was also good to have a little structure to my day after a while.

one thing I did do that I am glad of is I went in about 2 days before I returned to work with my mom...I just said hi to everyone and cried when I saw each person...it kind of took some of the pressure off of going back on the first day.

angelsnight · February 2014

Ticker warning

I took 6 weeks off after I gave birth to my stillborn daughter at 22 weeks. It was a good amount of time because it gave me some time to go through an array of emotions, but by the time I went back, I was really needing the structure and purpose to my day that work offered. However it was very hard to go back....I often cried on the way to and from, sometimes in the bathroom, sometimes had to go out to my car to cry. Between scheduling days off, leaving early and calling off, I don't think I worked a full 40 hours for at least the first 4-6 weeks. But it definitely gets easier, and had I taken another few weeks off, I am certain that first month or so back to work would have been just as hard.

I think it also helped that I was on Zoloft when I went back (started about 4 weeks before returning). Anger was a huge part of my grief, so I know I would have had a much harder time if I weren't on it, however I know that's a personal decision and it's not for everyone, but it really helped me.

Maybe Joleisa · February 2014

I'm 2 weeks out from delivering our twin boys and I'm still sad, angry, numb, etc... My FMLA paperwork arrived in the mail from my employer and there were basically 3 options: leave due to delivering/caring for a baby, leave due to family illness or leave due to employee's illness. HR checked the box for me to be out due to "employee illness" and I flipped refusing to sign it. Luckily my boss is awesome and she told me to not sign it and come back whenever I am ready.

That said, it has been 2 weeks and I'm not ready to return yet. Physically I'm still leaking a lot of lochia and I don't want to deal with that all day at work. Emotionally I'm afraid off all the "I'm so sorrys" as I'm an ugly crier and still cry daily. Mentally I could definitely use the distraction, so I went into work for a few hours yesterday (Sunday) when I knew I would not see anyone. That went well, so I'm going to do a little work from home this week and then try to go into the office next Tuesday and Wednesday hoping to return FT that next week (after 4 weeks out of the office.)

I'm pretty sure if I was off of work for 26 weeks I would never, ever want to go back but how nice of your employer to offer that much time off. Take however much time you need. ((hugs))

sunflwra · February 2014

It's going to be different for everyone but do keep in mind that just because your company offers a max of 26 weeks short term disability doesn't mean that you would get approved for that much time. Depending on your situation, you would likely get approved for no more than 6-8 weeks disability. If your company offers FMLA coverage, you could take up to 12 weeks of job protected leave but nothing beyond the disability leave would be paid.

I was out for 3 weeks. I could have taken up to 6 and my OB would have written me out for that long but I knew the longer I was out, the harder it would be to go back, so I went back after 3. It was around the holidays though so I knew I'd only have to be in the office for about 2 weeks before getting more time off for Christmas/New Years. If I didn't have that, I might have stayed out for 4 weeks. It did help me to have the distraction of work though as well- if I'd stay at home much longer, I would have stayed in my wallowing funk much longer too. Hope you can find something that works for you.

kflynn81 · February 2014

neptunebljc said:

I took 7 weeks off. Im glad I did.
My boss fired me though, she wasnt happy with me.
So now I have a new job, which is even better

EWW to her!!! You shouldn't have to put up with a stupid boss on top of everything else, glad you have a new and better job!!

Xath · February 2014

*siggy*

I had a cesarean, so I was out for 8 weeks. I don't know that I was "ready" per se, but I probably needed to get that structure back into my life at that point. I was also able to start regular counseling when I returned to work, and that really helped with the transition. I highly recommend that if you have the option.

veetveet · February 2014

gertiebarden said:
*siggy*

I had a cesarean, so I was out for 8 weeks. I don't know that I was "ready" per se, but I probably needed to get that structure back into my life at that point. I was also able to start regular counseling when I returned to work, and that really helped with the transition. I highly recommend that if you have the option.

We have an employee assistance program at work- I have my first over the phone session on Friday.

SchoolPsychSteph · February 2014

I went back about a week later. I had planned on going back that next Monday after taking the week off, but found it very difficult to get out of the house. So I told myself I would go back Tuesday. I didn't leave the house until 11, I cried the whole way to one of my schools, and didn't do anything except sit with two coworkers and cried. Later that day I saw one of my counseling kids which helped me tremendously. I agree with the pps, this choice may not be for everyone, but I knew it would never get easier for me. So I took a leap. It was hard, emotional, but I did it.

neptunebljc · February 2014

kflynn81 said:

neptunebljc said:

I took 7 weeks off. Im glad I did.
My boss fired me though, she wasnt happy with me.
So now I have a new job, which is even better

EWW to her!!! You shouldn't have to put up with a stupid boss on top of everything else, glad you have a new and better job!!

Yeah, She is already in court with someone over wrongful dismissal due to pregnancy. You would think someone who has three children would be more understanding, but who wants to work in that environment?

The job I have now might not be there come summer, but at least it is something. FX I get pregnant soon and won't worry about working.

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