How do you handle.....

cwallin500 · February 2014

when people question your decision to be OAD ? From the beginning we had decided on just one because my age (37 when DS was born) and where we were living we couldn't imagine 2 financially and with our work schedules with no family around. Last summer we decided to move closer to my family and started to discuss having one more since we had more normal work schedules and financially a possibilty (much lower cost of living). Now that our DS is almost 15 months and we have been going through a rough winter between colds, ear infections, croup and now teething.....a lot of sleepless nights on top of the fact that he is a very stubborn, precocious child, that takes a lot of energy, we have gone back to the decision to be OAD. We figure we love our son so much and feel so blessed to have him after 2 miscarriages, why tempt fate and put more wear and tear on our marriage, not to mention we are both EXHAUSTED. But of course everyone (family, friends, etc) insist we'll be sorry if we don't give him a sibling.....

eyenigh · February 2014

Now that my husband has had a vasectomy, I tell everyone that we're "medically finished" and no longer able to have children (If they push). That shuts the conversation down quickly.

[Deleted User] · February 2014

I just smile and say, "We'll see!"

KatieB19 · February 2014

I literally laugh and say, no we're good.

If you are confident and don't show doubt, you won't get questioned past that first time. If someone thinks it's ok to bring it up with you multiple times after thigh have made yourself clear, then it's ok to get blunt and inconsiderate right back, imo. It's not their family, their body, or their decision. Why don't they have a baby if they want one? Are they going to help pay for a baby? Siblings are not guaranteed to be close... don't they know anyone who no longer talks to theirs? There is more than one way to make a family, and for an only, that includes friends of their choosing. Plus, onlies are pretty awesome

PB102012 · February 2014

People think I am crazy because my LO is so young, so I just reply "We're good with her right now." It appears to them that I am unsure and I usually don't get questioned too much after that.

I always find it so interesting that people want you to have multiple children. Sure, I will have more kids, you can get up with them, pay for their needs, college, cars, etc.

Chapter79 · February 2014

Honestly, I'm super blessed in this area. Not many have asked. And if they do, I say "Nah, won't be another!" and they ask why, and I say "we're happy with the one we have" .. and it kinda ends there. None of my family really asked much, the people who did weren't family. DH was snipped when DD was 2, so pretty early. And anyone close to us knows this.

TiffanyBerry · February 2014

My MIL asked me this one day. She had been FABULOUS about not asking when we were going to have kids with the first, but has dropped hints a handful of times since DD was past the infant stage. The first time she did it, she and FIL were at our house (a few states away), and I said, "There's a house just down the street for sale. When are you guys moving up to help out?" She knew it was meant as at least half a joke, and we had a good laugh. It's my general reply when she comments on it. (Because, honestly, half the reason we may be OAD is that we have virtually no support system around here.)

EMarieMe · February 2014

I've not been questioned too deeply, but I'm also in the bay area where people are less likely to comment on others reproductive choices.

I'm fairly open though and volunteer our reasons quickly: financial, potentially scary birth complications, and in general, we feel complete as a family of three.

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