NBR: Apartment living update

blessedandhopeful · February 2014

Our downstairs neighbors came up today to complain about how loud DS is. This is the second time she's complained to us. I wasn't at home when it happened, but DH said she seemed like she was almost in tears talking to him, but he wasn't sure. She said she and her husband have a hard time getting to bed at night because of the noise. Now, DS is not quite three, so he can get loud at times. He typically goes to bed between 9-10, which may be a bit late for his age, but honestly he has almost always been on that schedule and it works for us. He will sleep until it is time to get up for the day (8 AM). He does tend to run a little heavy-footed, but beyond that I'm not sure what she means by him being so loud. DH didn't ask, either. After DH told me, he went to the front office to ask them how to handle the situation, and surprise, surprise, neighbor was up there complaining to them about us! Supposedly their "official" quiet hours are 8PM-8AM. DH didn't think to mention how they handle it when you have a newborn who is bound to cry at all hours of the day. If I had been home you can bet I would have asked! I guess I'm kind of ranting, but at the same time, I have to ask that if you've lived in an apartment with your kids, did you have issues with neighbors? I really don't think DS is loud ALL the time, but occasionally I am sure he is. He's a toddler. Are we being silly to expect them to just deal with it? I don't want to seem rude to the lady, but I always assumed noise was a part of apartment living, especially if you live downstairs. They have small, yelping dogs that "cry" from time to time, but I've never mentioned it to them. We've been considering buying a house, and this kind of makes me want to even more, but I'm not sure it's realistic to get through the process in less than three months! Lol. So, thoughts?

*Update*

I spoke with the apartment manager today, who said that we are supposed to be "completely quiet after 8 PM." Uh, good luck with that. I asked her how they handle it when people have newborns, to which she replied, "we'll deal with that if/when it becomes an issue." I couldn't really get a straight answer out of her, but she made me feel like I can't live in my own home. I'm a little iffy now about bringing a second kid into an apartment, although I know it's done ALL the time everywhere around the world. She mentioned the neighbors can call the night manager at any time and have him come listen (as a supposed third-party) to see if he thinks it is excessive noise or not. Really, isn't excessive a relative term? I also went downstairs to speak with the neighbor, but I spoke with the husband rather than the wife. He said she doesn't like confrontation, which is why she was emotional when she spoke to my DH yesterday. He said they just wanted to make us aware of the issues they are having, and that they don't hate kids. Lol. He seemed a little apologetic, and I do understand where they are coming from, but if my son running through the apartment from time to time is excessive for them, how will they feel about a newborn? DH and I are going to speak with a realtor soon to discuss the current market and see if buying a house right now is an option for us or not. I don't want to rush into anything, but if it works out, awesome. If not, we'll deal.

CamrynnsMommy · February 2014

Umm, welcome to apartment living people (who complained) and don't freaking live on the bottom floor. I don't think it's ridiculous for you to expect them to deal with it and I think it's completely unreasonable for them to complain.

Typically "quiet hours" refer to parties and guests, not controlling a toddler.

I'd be irritated by this.

Xath · February 2014

Yeah, I lived in an apartment for years. The general rule of thumb is that unless you live on the top floor, be prepared to hear your neighbors walking around. I happened to live in a fantastic building for a few years that was made entirely of concrete, and blissfully silent, but that is not the norm.

I'd ask them specifically what sounds are bothering them, or if the apartment management approaches you, ask them for specifics. If your apartment has very crappy insulation between units, this probably isn't a new complaint for them. Sometimes they'll offer the complainant the option to move to a new unit when one becomes available, but unless you're becoming an official Nuisance (capital N, like the kind the police are called for) there's really not much to do. I'd reread your lease agreement to see if there are any specific noise ordinances; otherwise your neighbor has no ground to stand on.

getitdone · February 2014

DH and I lived in many apartments over the years but we never had kids, but we had dogs. We learned very early on that we always wanted to be on the top floor because of other people's noise. I agree with pps that the neighbor has to expect noise if that neighbor doesn't live on the top floor. I can't imagine a toddler's footsteps could be that loud unless he is jumping up and down. I would see if you could talk to the neighbor and see if they can provide specifics. I am sorry - this is definitely a tough situation to be in but I would be irritated by the neighbor's complaints.

blessedandhopeful · February 2014

I'm glad to know my thoughts are understood. I think the neighbors are bound to the bottom floor due to the husband being in a wheelchair, and as unfortunate as that is, as many of you have said, the bottom floor comes with more issues than the top floor. That's one reason we chose the top! We've lived here a year longer than they have, not that it matters. DH said the lady in the office told him they would be passing the issue off to the manager to handle on Monday. I'm not sure what they mean by that. What is there to handle? I am partially tempted to go downstairs and ask them what specific noise is DS making, but at the same time I don't want to rile them up anymore with the office already being notified by both sides. I guess I'll wait and see what the office says tomorrow. I am definitely irritated though...

getitdone · February 2014

I am guessing the manager will probably talk to the neighbor to see what their complaints really consist of. Then the manager will probably talk to you guys to see if some compromises can be made. Just a guess, but this is how I have seen some issues settled when we lived in apts. As pp said - the manager may offer to move the neighbor to another apt if possible.

whimsy515 · February 2014

The only thing I've seen about noise in an apartment, is that management will post signs saying that if noise is a problem, then carpet your place (if it's hard wood) and/or wearing slippers for the heavy footed people. I think that's all that can be suggested. I see why they are upset and I see why you're upset. But I don't know what they are expecting from complaining to management. I'd definitely try to talk to them to find specifics.

dogsombrero · February 2014

I live in an apartment and my upstairs neighbors have a very loud toddler. I consider it normal to hear him running/stomping until 10 pm after that it does piss me off a little but earplugs solved the trying to sleep problem.

I've never complained about him though. The one time I was sorely tempted was when the dad and friend got shit-faced drunk let the kid stay up til midnight to sing him happy birthday at the top of their lungs, then gave the kid sugar and tried to get him to sleep. The epic melt-down that followed and kept me up til 2 was awful. In reality that was shitty parenting not the poor over-tired 3 year olds fault.

Your neighbors are assholes, sorry you are dealing with them. They are complaining about normal stuff.

keeumm · February 2014

I lived on the first floor of an apartment from college through this past September (yikes, that's 12 years). I agree with everyone else- hearing people above you is part of the apartment living.

I admit that I was the person who complained about one tenant above me who was constantly yelling at his girlfriend and then would have very loud make-up sessions. So gross. And awkward to try to explain to the landlord. In that case, the landlord posted a noise sign, talked to the people above me, and I received a very poorly worded note from the people above me that basically said "Sorry we were yelling both before and during sex. Won't happen again." It was about that time that I moved to a different apartment.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this, especially when you are expecting. I'm hoping that your landlord is able to help the people below you to understand that they are experiencing normal sounds and that they need to get over it.

momthatlifts · February 2014

See this is one of my biggest concerns about living in an apartment when DD arrives. A newborn at 3 a.m screaming isn't exactly any ones cup of tea. And I do have a heart and have lived with loud neighbors before so I will feel bad. We are getting a new neighbor too so I am thinking of going over whenever the baby is coming close and just warning him and letting him know there isn't much I can do but that he might want to invest in some ear plugs. The people below us probably wont have too much of an issue because she obviously wont be walking for a while and when she does she will hardly weigh enough to make a sound.

However, that IS what you get when you live in an apartment. You don't get to choose your neighbor and you get what you get. If I were your downstairs neighbor and it was THAT bad, I would just go to the leasing office and see if there was anywhere they could relocate or just live with it. There isn't much you can do. Sorry, tough luck for your neighbor

blessedandhopeful · February 2014

Oh, I forgot to mention that when DH said we would continue to try to keep DS more quiet, she said, "well I will keep on complaining then," and walked away. Bad attitude! Geez...

flutepharm87 · February 2014

I've never really lived in an apartment with kids of my own, but we did live in an apartment on the bottom floor with neighbors above us with a toddler. I have to say, it sounded like a herd of elephants up there, so it might be that the floors are thin and it sounds much louder to them than you expect. That being said, there's nothing you can do about it. That's children and that's what you get living in an apartment.

I'd start complaining about their dogs if they're going to complain about your child. Give them a taste of their own medicine. If they expect you to control an uncontrollable toddler, you should hold them accountable for controlling an uncontrollable dog.

jay3907 · February 2014

I also live in an apartment. I specifically chose the top floor to avoid the "noise". But I have a 6yr old daughter and 3 older step daughters and I find myself constantly saying don't jump, stop running, walk quiet. I feel bad because kids will be kids and shouldn't have to be quiet all the time. But when I know they aren't home downstairs I don't mind them running about. Apartment life isn't all it's cracked up to be. I can't wait til our house is ready so we can move. Hopefully right after the school year ends it'll be done.

spinsoffresonance · February 2014

You could put rugs down and it should help with the noise. However, I feel like a reasonable amount of noise before 10pm is fair game. It's not like your toddler is blasting music and keeping them up until 3am. Your neighbors sound kind of unreasonable. We're lucky so far our neighbors haven't complained about DD. But our downstairs neighbors have 2 kids and our upstairs neighbors have 2 dogs, so neither of them are really in a position to complain, we hear them too. My downstairs neighbor did mention that her downstairs neighbor complained about the kid's noise.

kalette · February 2014

Ugh. I hate apartments. When DH and I were first married we lived in a small building (6 units) above an elderly woman. She was crazy. She complained about our "noise" of course. She would come out of her door when we were on our way up and say all kinds of things. She accused us of smoking, she accused my DH of being a drug dealer, she would lock the main door to the building behind us (once DH had taken some garbage down at night in the middle if winter and didn't bring a coat or keys and she locked the door right in his face as he was coming up the stairs), she told me to stop doing laundry in the middle of the night, though we never did.. and also acted like my 12 week old Lhasa puppy (6 lbs at the time) was some sort of rabid monster out to get her.
I totally feel your pain. On a brighter note the landlord never mentioned any of her complaints to us (we overheard her complaining to him many times).

CVislo · February 2014

My son is almost 5. We've just moved into an apartment (only option in Japan on our base). We chose an apartment on the first floor because he is loud and he runs. I'm expecting the same thing with our second when he's old enough to run. The people above us also have a son around 5. He sounds like an elephant bred with a cheetah. It's annoying, but I have a child, so I can deal with it... Unless it's like, 2 am.

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