Loss Check In

Mrs Nice · February 2014

Welcome to the checkin! I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

QOTW: When you first lost your Angel, did you want to be surrounded by close family and friends or did you prefer everyone kept their distance for a while?

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

neptunebljc · February 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
I have been on the search for things to put in my Bean section of my garden. I am looking for something perfect and have yet to find it. But I know I will

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
I am still working on getting funding for school... The paper work is just HUGE and it quite discouraging.

QOTW: When you first lost your Angel, did you want to be surrounded by close family and friends or did you prefer everyone kept their distance for a while?
It was a mixed. I really wanted my Mom and DH to be around. I just didnt want to feel isloated, like people were avoiding, which happened and made losing Bean a lot harder. I feel like we loss a lot of friends/acquaintances since losing Bean.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

I've been crazy tired this week. Been thinking about how great it would be to be pregnant again. Then I worry I am putting much pressure on myself. I feel like I am thinking in circles a lot.

stefuge · February 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I decided to make my blog public this week, so yeah. That was a big step. It is scary and nerve-wracking to let people in and see my transparency, but I feel like it was time. So, the link is in my siggy, if anyone is interested.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Nothing really right now.

QOTW: When you first lost your Angel, did you want to be surrounded by close family and friends or did you prefer everyone kept their distance for a while? I really wanted people around, which was hard, because many felt like they should be giving us space.

sonjaleake · February 2014

I just found out today (well friday, so i guess yesterday as its now 3 am) that our baby stopped growing three weeks ago. I go in for a d&c Monday. I came over from my birth month blog after I posted my goodbye.

I want to start by saying that I really appreciate your words in your opening and it makes me feel better being here (as much as that can be true right now).

Having just found out, we're still reeling, and haven't even told all of our family yet. We spoke with hubby's parents, and I spent the day with my sister in law who had a loss several years ago. I'm dreading telling my mom, because I know she'll freak out in hysterical tears and I don't want that right now. I suppose that I want select family around, but mostly just want to be home with my hubby.

My next personal goal will be getting through next week. I'm sure I can't get Tuesday-Friday off as I am the director of my child care center and will be training someone new. Valentines day will be extra hard because we were going to announce on FB and tell the daycare kids.

Sorry for rambling, and thank you for the warm welcome.

shandorfml2 · February 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I'm not sure. As her birthday approaches, I'm struggling more but I'm sure that is normal.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Figure out what I want to do for her birthday

QOTW: When you first lost your Angel, did you want to be surrounded by close family and friends or did you prefer everyone kept their distance for a while? I had to be surrounded by my family, my Mom particularly. She came and stayed for a week, maybe 2 (I can't even remember). I really struggled when she left and when my husband went back to work. By week four I was doing better. It was such a horrible time. My closest friend and Ana's god mother came to her funeral and burial. Aside from that I didn't really see friends.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I'm missing my baby girl more than "usual" lately. Ugh.

shandorfml2 · February 2014

neptunebljc said:

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
I have been on the search for things to put in my Bean section of my garden. I am looking for something perfect and have yet to find it. But I know I will

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
I am still working on getting funding for school... The paper work is just HUGE and it quite discouraging.

QOTW: When you first lost your Angel, did you want to be surrounded by close family and friends or did you prefer everyone kept their distance for a while?
It was a mixed. I really wanted my Mom and DH to be around. I just didnt want to feel isloated, like people were avoiding, which happened and made losing Bean a lot harder. I feel like we loss a lot of friends/acquaintances since losing Bean.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
I've been crazy tired this week. Been thinking about how great it would be to be pregnant again. Then I worry I am putting much pressure on myself. I feel like I am thinking in circles a lot.

I know how you feel about friends...Most of my friends reached out with flowers/cards etc. But there were some that completely avoided me and said NOTHING. This hurt beyond words. I can't imagine not saying anything to a friend who just lost a child. They thought it would hurt me more from hearing from them....this makes no sense to me.

shandorfml2 · February 2014

sonjaleake said:

I just found out today (well friday, so i guess yesterday as its now 3 am) that our baby stopped growing three weeks ago. I go in for a d&c Monday. I came over from my birth month blog after I posted my goodbye. I want to start by saying that I really appreciate your words in your opening and it makes me feel better being here (as much as that can be true right now). Having just found out, we're still reeling, and haven't even told all of our family yet. We spoke with hubby's parents, and I spent the day with my sister in law who had a loss several years ago. I'm dreading telling my mom, because I know she'll freak out in hysterical tears and I don't want that right now. I suppose that I want select family around, but mostly just want to be home with my hubby. My next personal goal will be getting through next week. I'm sure I can't get Tuesday-Friday off as I am the director of my child care center and will be training someone new. Valentines day will be extra hard because we were going to announce on FB and tell the daycare kids. Sorry for rambling, and thank you for the warm welcome.

I'm so sorry for your loss, and you are welcome to stick around our board. However, we've all had late term losses or a loss of an infant. The miscarriage board might be a better fit since many of them have experienced D&Cs. ((hugs)))

Bgirma · February 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
I went to coffee with a friend this week and it was really nice. For some reason it's been really difficult to spend time with friends so that was a big step. My 6 week check up went well, I'm cleared to do more vigorous exercise so I'm going to try to start running soon and maybe take a Pilates class next week.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
I am going to try (again) to go back to work. I went back at 4 weeks and wasn't ready at all. I'm going to try half days next week and see how that goes.

QOTW: When you first lost your Angel, did you want to be surrounded by close family and friends or did you prefer everyone kept their distance for a while?
I usually prefer to be alone in difficult situations. I don't like talking about my
feelings and have always hated crying in front of people. I really clung to my husband right away but he was the only person that I wanted to be around. In the first few weeks I forced myself to spend time with both of our families because I knew that they were grieving too and it helped them to see and talk to us. I'm glad that I did because I do think that it was good for me to be around people, even though I wanted to be alone in bed. My husband and I both have such great friends and coworkers who are want to see us and offer a lot of support but I still don't feel like seeing many of them.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? My 10 year old nephew talked about Wesley the other day. He told us that he felt like he already knew him and loved him so much. I guess this week I've really been thinking about how amazing our family and friends are. They are just really kind and very supportive.

Bgirma · February 2014

@sonjaleake: so sorry for your loss.

@shandorfml2: I'll be thinking about you as your daughter's birthday approaches. Sending lots of hugs!

Maybe Joleisa · February 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I think I'm stuck. I'm no longer crying all the time, but I have zero desire to do anything that does not involve pajamas and laying in bed. I bought a journal of sorts "In the Company of Angels: A Memorial Book" and it is still sitting in the packaging downstairs. That book is supposed to be another step towards my healing.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? My next goal is to go into work on Sunday for a few hours when no one is there just to see how that feels. It has only been 2 weeks since our loss and Monday 2/10 was supposed to start my modified bed rest at home/teleworking, so I think I'll take next week off and try to return to work on 2/18.

QOTW: When you first lost your Angel, did you want to be surrounded by close family and friends or did you prefer everyone kept their distance for a while? My DH had to travel this past week, so I packed up my pjs and headed to stay with my family. That was actually quite helpful (being around people vs isolating myself at home). My friends are wonderful and keep reaching out--I just need to reach back and that hasn't happened yet.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
Our f/u with the MFM doc that delivered me isn't for 3.5 more weeks and I wish time would move forward faster. I'm going to be asking for a TAC and if they think that is too aggressive/not warranted after "just" 1 loss, I'll be marching to one of the docs who put TACs on the map.

sonjaleake · February 2014

Thank you for the advice, I've been on the other blog as well.

GymSpaz26 · February 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I met with a therapist for the first time on Monday. It is hard to tell so far, but I think it is going to be a good connection and a good help in taking steps to move forward, as well as working through some of the fears and other emotions I have. We want to move towards trying to get pregnant again in the next 3-6 months for example, but I'm so scared! Not so much about the pregnancy, but after. Our son died in his sleep for no apparent reason. Its not like we can know in pregnancy or even when a baby is born if they have a certain condition that their sibling had or something. It is very scary to not know why.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I think just trying to focus more and work on getting things done that have been on my to-do list since we lost Zedekiah. I have been so overwhelmed by the many phone calls, bills, paperwork, etc that I need to do, that I haven't been able to do any of it. Yesterday and today I was able to break my time down into really small, planned out chunks and goals. That seemed to help. I accomplished more between yesterday afternoon and today than I think I did in the entire month of January.

QOTW: When you first lost your Angel, did you want to be surrounded by close family and friends or did you prefer everyone kept their distance for a while? I think at first I was in such a fog that I wasn't even really aware of who was there or not. Then I kind of isolated myself from everyone except for my husband and a few close friends. I started having a lot of anxiety about seeing people. I even started ignoring my parents' phone calls and avoiding going to their house (they only live 10 minutes away). This was just a few weeks ago. In the last couple weeks I've been trying to force myself to reengage with people more. I guess I feel like the longer I try to avoid people, the harder it will be to reenter in the future. I need people any way.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Thinking a lot about how will I know when I'm ready to start trying for another baby. I know I will always be scared. So how do I know when I'm more ready than I am scared?

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