Question about birth father rights

dancingonmyown · February 2014

I see a lot about how things work with the BM but not the BF. Is the BF often involved in the process as well? And if he is not, and does not sign anything relinquishing his rights (i.e. if the BM has nothing to do with him/doesn't know where he is).... and then he comes forward months or a year later - what happens then? Does he have rights even after the period has passed where the BM can change her mind? Is it not until the actual finalization that the adoption can't be contested? I'm sure it varies in different states and countries, but looking for some general info and your experience. I find that the birth fathers are left out of a lot of the info out there on how adoption works, so I am curious. Thanks in advance.

bumpuser794640 · February 2014

You will want to Google birth father rights in your state, as I believe they can vary a lot.

Some BFs are involved in the adoption decision and choose to relinquish their rights the sane way BM does.

In our state, presumptive birth fathers can register if they believe they may have fathered a child with a specific woman at a specific time. At our agency, if BF is not involved or named on the birth cert, the agency waits 31 days, checks the registry, and if nothing is found, they will pursue termination of his rights through the courts. They do not need to know his name, etc. To do this.

Dr.Loretta · February 2014

Ditto gnome. It varies greatly, both in level of BF involvement and their rights by state. In the state where we adopted, there is no BF registry. Our agency was required to use any method possible to ID and / or contact BFs. If the BF refused to sign, various state laws could be used to allow the courts to terminate on his behalf, but he'd still have to be notified.

maryoosa · February 2014

Birth Father's have rights, and like everything with adoption those vary from state to state. In our state, if a birth father steps forward to contest he would need to prove that he both registered with the putative father registry and that he made material efforts to be involved in the birth mother's pregnancy for six months prior to birth.

orangecupcake · February 2014

Ditto all PP about varying state by state. Here is our experience: We had a MIA BF. BM's statement under oath is that she was raped and it was a known perpetrator. We had a name and last known address, as this man moved from our state to another soon after the act. Our attorney initially attempted to serve him the adoption petition to inform him of the actions of the court plus court date. When those retuned unsigned, we had to "hire" an attorney to be present on his behalf (I quoted hire because our attorney asked an attorney friend to assist and bought her dinner, no additional money from us). This attorney with our attorney then published notice in the city newspaper where the act occurred (this notice was worded so that it could include any BF if it turned out that the BF BM named was not really the BF) and the paper where his last known address. These had to run for 2 weeks and then the courts could terminate his rights because numerous attempts were made to contact and notify. In our state, even if he came forward, we could still ask the courts to terminate due to him not being present, supporting financially, physically, emotionally BM, not to mention he would have been arrested for rape of a minor child (he was well over 18).

SquishyMommy1 · February 2014

It really depends. Often times adoption agencies usher moms to other states to relinquish/give birth in, if the state they live in gives the father rights to stop the adoption. They avoid the father having any rights at all by going to another state that doesn't protect their rights over their child. There are MANY states (in fact the vast majority) that do not protect the father from losing his child to adoption. It's a completely unethical practice that happens pretty regularly. If an expectant mom is determined to give her child up, the adoption agencies find a way, even when that means trampling on the rights of the father.

Dr.Loretta · February 2014

On the flip side is PA, where they are required to move heaven and earth to find and notify the birthfather. Our SW told us stories of trying to ID BFs after a pregnancy resulting from Spring Break (no mean feat). I don't know if I would say a vast majority of states have little/no BF protections, but I would definitely become familiar with your state's laws. Our agency works in 6 states, so they were working with 6 different (and sometimes conflicting) state laws regarding adoption.

CarolinaGirl2014 · February 2014

I'm a birth mom and throughout the process have made several BM friends. It seems that quite often the birth father chooses to not be involved and simply signs TPR because they didn't want the pregnancy and don't have to live it like we do, but that a decent percent of them are involved just like the BM with updates and visits. I've always heard that a woman becomes a mom when she discovers she's pregnant while a man becomes a dad the second he holds his baby, and I find that to be true in adoption. My daughter's birth father was for the most part uninterested in the pregnancy or her adoption, simply agreed to sign what he needed to and requested a closed adoption when I refused to abort. When she was born I had to almost beg him to meet her and get some pictures so she'd never question if she was loved. When he held her everything changed- he knew that adoption was best for her and signed TPR still, but felt some of the pain I was feeling. He asked to meet her parents and jumped at the chance to have a semi-open adoption in getting updates from them when they offered, but has nothing like the involvement I have with them. And I know it's been a grieving process for him.

I should add that my agency (in SC) was adamant about the birth father being involved and even requested to counsel him before the birth to be sure this was what he truly wanted. A friend in NC didn't know the identity of the BF and her agency jumped through hoops to find and contact him. Hope this helps/ is what you were looking for.

dancingonmyown · February 2014

Thanks for sharing your experiences... seems it really varies depending where you're from. And since I'm in Canada, I bet it's a different situation completely! I was reading a story of a couple who had their son for one year, and then the birth father came forward (I guess he wasn't present initially) and said he wants to take custody, and they were going to court to decide what was best for the boy. And a similar story where a boy was taken away at 15 months to be with his birth father. I guess reading stories like that (which I know are NOT at all always the case!) really make me scared, even if they're rare. I can't imagine going through something like that, after raising someone as your child for such a long time. Just seems so heartbreaking. But (hopefully) that is just me having normal fears and not something that would actually happen.

Dr.Loretta · February 2014

It's perfectly normal to have some fears about it. All the better reason to at least become familiar with how it's handled there. If it makes you feel any better, there was some legal risk with DD's birthfather, but it just resulted in a slightly longer wait to finalize. We had no issues at all.

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