How can I break it to the baby's father that I want my child to have my last name??

Re: How can I break it to the baby's father that I want my child to have my last name??

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• Jenniferllboyd member

  February 2014

  That's the thing it's both reasons, I don't really see him in the picture in the future and this could be the last chance to carry on my name. The coincidence is... His name is Jeffrey, and my dad's name is Jeffery, same just spelled different. The middle name would be Jeffery. But I had intended on my fathers spelling.

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• bebemac member

  February 2014 edited February 2014

  Are there perhaps, you know, any other reasons you could be so adamant about LO not having this guy's last name?

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• colllydon member

  February 2014

  Valie18 said:

  Which of those is the real reason you want LO to have your last name?

  
  

  I'm going to assume that it is because you see yourself being an only parent to LO in the future. Heck, if that was something I foresaw for myself I would feel the same way.

  
  

  Could you two... just talk about it? Tell him that it is really important to you that LO and you share a LN. If it is important to him too, would you consider using part of his name as a MN?

  My sister did that with my nephew. His middle name is his father's last name. They are not together though. I think it is important to a lot of men. Are you two still a couple? Is there a chance of you two getting married and if so would you take his last name?
  
  If you are together and you want to marry him one day tell him the baby will have your last name because it is important to you and someday the two of you decide to get married both the baby and you will change your last name to his. At least that is what I would do.
  
  Sorry for the giant run on sentence it is early.
  

  

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• liberty95 member

  February 2014

  Well, if you aren't married and you seriously anticipate that you will be a single mother in the near future you just need to get used to making decisions and owning them. Your child will be depending in you.

  
   
  

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• SandraPB1220 member

  February 2014

  It seems as though there are a lot of other issues going on here besides naming the baby. If you don't see it lasting, why are you still with him? Just because of the baby? I think your best bet is to be straight with him and tell him because of the uncertainty of your future together, you prefer the baby have your last name instead of his. GL!

  

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• wtfisup member

  February 2014

  I don't see why he should assume it will have his last name. This no right to be disappointed.

  
  

  
  
  

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• lifeisbetteronthered member

  February 2014

  I never took DH last name, and he never really cared. When I was pregnant with DD it bothered me that she wouldn't have the same LN as me and so DH and I discussed it. We decided that our children would have my LN as their second MN and his as their LN.
  
  It kinda bothers me that the world assumes that children will have their fathers LN, but I was happy with our compromise. It is a very small annoyance when we attend anything where we have to give our names and I have to correct them when they assume that we have the same last name. Oh well.
  
  I suggest talking to your partner, and be honest about your reasons, it's only fair.

  PgAL (MC@7w 29/10/11 - lost you before we knew we had you)
  
  

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• k2k2tog member

  February 2014

  I have to admit, I've never understood the disappointment of 'my family name won't be passed on.' But, I have a ridiculously common last name, so even if they're not related to me, there will always be people with my last name around... 

  
  

  Why don't you see your partner in your life in the future? I can understand that reasoning for wanting to give your baby your last name, but I feel like that's an important issue to address. 

  
  

  Either way, sit down with your partner and talk to him about it. Technically, you both made this baby, especially if he's been around as emotional support for you during this pregnancy, so if he really wants to give this baby his last name too, and wants to have as much role in his/her life as you, I think he has the right to argue for it. You guys need to come to a decision on this together. 

  
  

  Of course, if he hasn't been around and an emotional support to you during this pregnancy, and isn't likely to be around after the baby is born, that's a whole other story...

  DD1: June 2014 - VBM4lyfe
  DD2: October 2016
  DC3: coming May 2019

  
  
  
  

  
  

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• snowpants member

  February 2014

  Regardless of any name carrying on situation, since you don't see this relationship lasting I would absolutely give your child your last name. I wouldn't be mean about it when you tell him your decision, but I would be firm and make it happen.

   

   

  

   

  
  

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• JujuB22 member

  February 2014

  7 years ago I was in a similar situation. My daughter's father and I were together, but things were rocky, had been for awhile. "He changed" supposedly, learned to be better to me, blah blah...I hoped for the best, but prepared for the worst. I gave my dd my last name and told him if we work out and get married, then she and I would change our last names. Never happened. I am so thankful my dd has my last name. There is no confusion on our relationship, it's clear that I am mom. He gets annoyed I guess because sometimes he has to explain why his name is different, but oh well. I've had issues with stepmom signing paperwork as if she is mom (including paperwork trying to change DD's last name!) and if stepmom and DD had the same last name people would assume she was mom and had legal rights to sign paperwork regarding DD.( She supposedly has a power of attorney now through him but that still doesn't do much) I have in the past had to fight to get information regarding my dd , and I think it would've been more difficult if we had different names. I would highly suggest giving your child your last name if you think dad is not going to be involved or is going to be difficult. It's amazing how much a difference a last name can make. However, consider what you would do if you get married down the road to someone else. Are you going to keep your last name? Hyphenate? I'm in that situation now. I don't want my dd to be the only one in her two families with her last name, so I'm going to hyphenate. Not crazy about hyphenating, but oh well.

  
  

  
  

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• BabyCurtiss2014 member

  February 2014

  If you are not married there is no obligation for the baby to have his last name. Unless he puts a ring on it, give the baby your last name and justify by the fact that you are not married.

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• tnd1218 member

  February 2014

  If you are not married give the child your last name. From experience it is much harder to change the name to your name than it is to change to his (he will not fight against you to change to his name) Use my experience. I was young and naive agreed to give DD his last name even though I had a gut feeling he would not stick around. My DDs "father" has not had any contact with her in 10 years. She is now stuck with his name and I am still in the process of trying to get it changed to my married last name because that is what she wants. My DH is the only father she has known. If it does work out and you get married you can always change it. Just tell him.
  

  
  

  
  

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• ElTrain5 member

  February 2014

  I'm with Pp's who said to put it on the table that "when" you guys get married you'll change both your names so your family will have one name. His reaction to that statement will probably be very telling.

  
  

  

  
  

  
  

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• Mom&nurse member

  February 2014

  Agree. With pp

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