Feeling scared — The Bump
LGBT Parenting

Feeling scared

So, we have 3 tries left on IUI with DW before we have to consider other options. So now I'm freaked! Each BFN gets harder and harder for her. We have taken a break since Oct/nov and are getting ready to try next month. We so badly want to join all of you lesbian moms out there!!!

DW really wants 1st baby to be her egg since she is older, but with so many tries I just want a rainbow baby! :/. Every time I try to talk to her about it she gets really mad and says she feels like a failure. I'm out of ways to try to help her see things from a different perspective. On paper she is the better carrier....better control of weight, normal periods as opposed to me with PCOS and over weight. I'm thinking I have trouble making lining because when I take progest. It takes 2 full doses and cycles of it for me to have a LIGHT period. However when I take the provera...great period and on time. When not on meds, I have a good period every 3-4 months. However this month they were on time! 32 days! Woo hoo

I got so sad on Wed. It had been 8 years to the day since my dad died so I was already emotional. Then I forgot that when we had our 1st BFP on 1st try that ended as preg. Of unknown location, I joined a meet up site for local LGBT families. A lady private messaged me and it came to my email that day saying our kids should be the same age an wanted to get together. It was like getting punched in the gut!

Feeling very scared about the future of our ttc journey and looking for some friends to confide in and help keep my head on straight. Looking for some hope that this isn't impossible for us. :/

10 medicated IUI's (3 with injectables). 
IUI #1 (medicated) Jan. 2013-BFP!!!!- Beta's didn't double, MTX shot for possible ectopic.
8 IUI's between April 13-April 14 = BFN 
IUI #10 and final before IVF, injectables May 2014- BFP!!!!  TWINS!!!!

7 week ultrasound showed 2 wonderful heartbeats!
8 weeks to the ER with vaginal bleeding while on vacations!  Diagnosed SubChorionic Hemorrhage.  Babies are both great.
9 week ultrasound showed both babies are still great.

Re: Feeling scared

  • Amber, I have no advice but wanted to let you know how sorry I am that you two are struggling.  I'm glad you've found this board and hopefully we can all provide the support that you're looking for!


    Married to my amazing wife 6/12/10 
    TTC since 6/11
    Unmedicated IUI #1 - 6/28/11 - BFN
    Unmedicated IUI #2 - 7/25/11 - BFN
    Robotic Myomectomy (Fibroid Surgery) - 11/15/11
    Unmedicated IUI #3 - 4/24/12 - BFN 
    Progesterone Supported Leuteal Phase IUI #4 - 6/21/12 - BFP!!
    Baby Boy G Born 3/24/13

    On to #2, are we crazy?
    IUI #1 - 11/28/14 - BFP!  Beta #1 (11DPO) 34, Beta #2 (13DPO) 101, Beta #3 (20DPO) 3043
    Ultrasound at 6w4d shows a single, fluttering heartbeat.  Say hello to Sticky Ricki!



  • Loading the player...
  • I just wanted to offer support. The journey is brutal. I remember feeling broken, hurt and totally useless whenever I had a BFN, and I never had the heartache of a loss. 

    I often think of all the difficult journeys on this board, and I send love and healing energy all the time. I know that the others do too. I sincerely hope that this happens for you, and I wish you peace and calm for your broken hearts during the process.

    IUI #1 - 10 April 2012 unmonitored and unmedicated with RE 
    IUI #2 - 05 May 2012 unmonitored and unmedicated with RE 
    IUI #3 - 05 July 2012 unmonitored and unmedicated with RE 
    IUI #4 - 30 August 2012 medicated and monitoredLetrozole and Ovidrel Trigger 
    IUI #5 - 27 September 2012 Letrozole 
    BFP! 9 October 2012 Betas:- 12DPO 16; 16DPO 96; 18DPO 315

    Baby Alarico born on 28 June 2013!!

  • Loading the player...
  • I wish I had magical words to make things better, but I don't.  This journey is brutal and challenges part of yourself, your relationship and your beliefs in the world.  My advice is to continue to try as you can, educate yourself, and be kind to yourself and your wife.

    Best of luck to you both.  
    T & G My wife and I married 9/10/11 in Niagara Falls, NY
    HSG 12/12/12        
    #1 ICI 12/15/12              BFN on 12/29/12
    #2 ICI  1/11/13                BFN 1/28/13                       
    #3 ICI 2/11/13                 BFN
    #4 ICI August 2013,  Clomid 100mg    BFN on 8/30/13 
    #5 ICI September-Clomid 100,  mg ICI 8/15 and 8/16,  BFN on 9/3
    #6 ICI October-Clomid 150 mg for 5 days   BFN 10/27
    uterine laparoscopy on 11/14-no endo or cysts
    #7 IUI December-Clomid 150mg    BFP 12/21
    12/23 Beta 51     12/26 Beta 209!
    First ultrasound on January 8th 2014-great healthy heartbeat
    Second Ultrasound January 23 (8 weeks) we got to see and hear the heartbeat
    Third Ultrasound Feb 4th(10 weeks), then will  released to OBGYN'
    It's a GIRL!
    We welcomed Adalyn Cooper Elizabeth on 8/29/14
    She was 7lbs 11oz and 19.6 inches long

    Proud foster parents to two little girls ages 2.5 yrs old, M,  and 1 year old, K

  • I'm so sorry. This sounds so heartbreakingly frustrating. I hope you find comfort in each other! FX for your BFP!

    Me-33 DW-29
    together since 2009
    Married since 6/14/13 
    1st IUI (clomid+ovidrel) 10/14/13... BFP 10/26/13...                                                         
    EDD 7/1/14 ...MMC 11/22/13...D&C 11/25/13
    2nd IUI (clomid+ovidrel) 1/15/14...BFN 
    3rd IUI (unmedicated) 2/12/14...BFN
    4th IUI (clomid + ovidrel) 3/10/14...BFN
    home ICI (unmedicated) 4/4/14...BFN
    home ICI (unmedicated) 5/2 & 5/3...BFN
    5th & 6th IUI (clomid + ovidrel) 5/28 & 5/29...BFN
    7th & 8th IUI (follistim & ovidrel) 6/24 & 6/25....BFN
    **all are welcome**

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic  image Image and video hosting by TinyPicImage and video hosting by TinyPic 

    Daisypath Friendship tickers

  • Stay the course. It is often darkest before the dawn. After our loss (and still) we just go one day at a time. I feel like I'm counting sidewalk cracks and enjoying the milestones of crossing to the next block sometimes...when I really want to look up and see my big prize at the end of the road, far off in the distance! But that overwhelms me and you sound a little in that place. Just do your best to trust the process, your docs, and try to be patient. It is unfortunately a longer road for some of us. :(
    Lil'mamaz was born on Aug 21, 2014! She's PERFECT!

    It's been a long road to here...
    Me (43) and J (45) - same sex couple. And we don't feel 40+!
    June'12 - First RE Visit
    Sept. '12 - Tubes removed
    Dec. '12 - Donor Egg/Donor Sperm IVF Cycle - 4 good embies!
    Dec. '12 - Fresh transfer, BFP! EDD 8/29/13
    Mar. '13 - Missed m/c at 16w1d, baby boy stopped growing at 15w4d
    Loss due to umbilical cord clot...baby was perfect. :(
    Jul '13 - FET#1 - c/p
    Sept. '13 - FET#2 - BFN
    Dec.' 2, 2013 - FET#3 with our last chance embie - BFP!!!
    Dec' 26, 2013 - hb!!
    EDD 8/20/14 with a baby girl!
    Little S was born on 8/21/14 - 8lb, 14 oz and 20 inches long.
    We live in Seattle and used SRM for our donor egg IVF cycle


  • I'm so sorry the two of you are struggling. This sounds like a really tough time. I hope things get better for you soon.

    Me: 28 DW: 28

    Together since 5/30/02. Married since 8/31/08

    IUI#1 - 12/13/13 = BFN

    IUI#2 - 1/22/14 = BFN

    IUI#3 - 2/21/14 = BFN

    IUI#4 - 3/23/14

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards