Nanny- what would you do? Long.

mexicolombiana · February 2014

Ok so I have a nanny I love and adore. But she has a daughter (who's about my age) and 2 grand kids that she has to take to school every morning. No big deal except of course she's late at times due to issues with dropping them off. Fine.

The nanny's daughter and grand kids have always been an "issue" because her daughter sucks and used to really slack off in picking up her kids from our house where they sometimes hang out after school. I don't mind the kids at our house after school, they're 4 and 7 and play nicely with my kids. It's the fact that the nanny's daughter sucks and takes advantage of her mom who happens to work for me.

Moving along, we have dealt with nanny's obligations to her grand kids because we seriously love her so much. She's that great. But now, the nanny's daughter is pregnant. So that REALLY sucks for us.

The baby isn't due till Aug then w/maternity leave this probably won't be an issue till about Oct. but of course I'm thinking ahead. So our 3 yr old goes to pre-k from 9 am to 11:30 a.m. Our nanny drops her off and picks her up and watches our 2 yr old at home in the meantime.

Now, with the nanny's daughter baby if we want to keep her, we will have to take our 2 kids to the nanny's daughter's house at 7:30 a.m. She comes to our house now so this is a HUGE change for us and will really impact our morning schedule. Then the nanny has to pack up the baby, our 2 yr old, our 3 yr old, the 4 yr old and 7 yr old in her minivan and drop off the 4 and 7 yr old at school. Then she has to drive to drop off my 3 yr old at school. The nanny's daughter starts school early so she's gone by 7:30 a.m. and leaves her mom to do the rest. My husband and I start at 9 so we can leave a bit later but ideally by 8 a.m.

Then at 11:30 am she has to go back out w/the baby and our 2 yr old to pick up our 3 yr old.

That wouldn't be SO terrible, but I KNOW the nanny's granddaughter is going to want our nanny to pick up her 2 kids again from school at 3:30 with ALL the kids in the car again.

The nanny's daughter sucks for many reasons but mostly because she's cheap as shit and won't pay a few bucks for pre-care and after care for her kids while she picks them up her self or drops them off herself. She's a teacher and gets out of work very early and could easily do this, but of course she relies on her mom to do all this.

So. Sorry this was all so long. My question is:

Would you keep the nanny and make the changes because you love the nanny so much?

Would you just look for another nanny?

This decision would be much easier if we didn't love our nanny so much. She is a wonderful person and we really trust her, but the situation is going to suck I think.

Thanks!

snicksnack · February 2014

I would look for another nanny or maybe daycare. All that in the car etc... to make her family happy would be too much for me. We had a nanny type sitution that was suppose to end in June but ended in Jan. I was not ready to put my youngest in daycare but we are moving and it was hard to find a nanny willing to start at our current house and move with us to the next given the distance so we tried daycare. I LOVE it. My daughter who is 3 is in daycare and preschool because I did not want to pull her from her 3 program mid year and we worked it out but next year she will just go to daycare they have a great preschool program. My 19 month old loves daycare he even packs his own bag.

aglenn · February 2014

That's tough, but I would probably look for someone else. She is going to have her hands full with all those kids and that is a lot of time in the car. That just wouldn't work for me.

PSU_Texan · February 2014

Agree with PW. You are the employer, you get to set the requirements. If she cannot meet them, then time to look elsewhere.

ASmallWonder · February 2014

I agree with setting the expectations and making your desire to keep her VERY clear. That arrangement wouldn't work for me. Part of having a nanny is to make your life easier.

Iblamethebeer · February 2014

So the daughter thinks that you are going to pay your nanny her same salary, while she brings an infant along for her full work day?

I feel bad for your nanny, I do. But that's just ridiculous. In addition to the sheer number of kids, and all the driving, it's a major change to add infant care to whatever your nanny is doing with 2 preschoolers.

I would either say no to the baby coming along or tell your nanny that if her daughter would like to enter into a nanny share with you, then nanny needs to tell you what amount she is comfortable receiving for caring for an infant, a 2 year old and a 3 year old, and you will pay half of that amount.

Pips09 · February 2014

PrivacyWanted said:

I think I'd put the ball in her court. Meaning, I'd say "we really like you, and you've been wonderful. But this new situation will not work for us. These are our needs: X,Y,Z, if you can't meet them then we will begin searching for someone who can"

This. I would not be OK with the situation you described. If her priority is to her grandkids, which it sounds like it is, then I'd look for a new nanny.

jf198400 · February 2014

It is time for you to find a new childcare arrangement, whether it is a new nanny or daycare. Personally I would recommend switching to daycare, your girls are old enough to really benefit from the socialization and learning. There is no way I would continue to pay for the "convenience" of a nanny and then have to drop my kids off in the morning, have them drive around to drop off other kids, and have the nanny preoccupied with caring for an infant. No way in hell.

MickeyM04 · February 2014

Hmmm, this is hard for me. We have a nanny who brings her newborn and her 4 year old every day and we LOVE her and our son loves her and we've never really had an issue because the 4 year old isn't in any sort of school yet and even if he was, her newborn and our 21 month old are not so there isn't a lot of driving or anything else going on.

I do see a problem with the fact that you are paying her for her time and then she is using that time to basically care for her grandchildren (including the new baby). I think it would be one thing if everyone was at your house all day (that's our situation) so you weren't impacted at all, nor were your kids, but the fact that you are now going to have to alter your schedule and have your kids in and out of cars all day to take her grandkids places seems like you are kind of getting ripped off to me. I mean isn't the whole point of a nanny that you don't have to drop your kids off anywhere?

I would sit down with your nanny and have a serious chat. Tell her you really like her, but these are your concerns (you paying her for her time which she then uses to tote your kids around and provide childcare for her grandchildren, you having to drop off your kids in the morning like you would if they were in daycare when you actually have a nanny, etc.) and see if you can work out a solution you are happy with before you look elsewhere. Maybe you can come to some sort of compromise, like her daughter has to drop her kids off at your place in the morning before she drives them everywhere, or she only does all the dropping off/picking up a couple days a week, or something.

It sounds like you really like her, so it may be worth trying to work something out, but don't let yourself be taken advantage of just because you like her, you know? The day my nanny says we have to start dropping DS at her house because she's gotta take her own son to preschool, we are going to have problems. The driving wouldn't bother me as much personally (kids are in cars all the time, your kids will have places they need to go as well, etc.) but if I'm having to now do a drop off program for my own nanny, that's not going to fly with me.

glaw · February 2014

That's a reay hard situation. I love our nanny so much too so I understand what you mean. My nanny has 2 teens and 1 pre-k kid and we may have issues when her youngest starts kinder in the fall. But we will cross that bridge when we get there. I've already offered my nanny to bring her daughter to the elementary school right across the street from us and then we would pay for after care until I get home. I wouldn't want my nanny overburdened by taking care of my then 21 mo old, newborn and her kid too! Could you do something similar?

By that I mean, could the nanny take care of your kids and the new baby at your house and you could offer to pay for after care for the older grand kids? Then when you're home, the nanny can go pick up the older grand kids and go home.

Honestly I would not be comfortable with one person taking care of 5 kids. I understand the older 2 grand kids are in school but still. What if they are sick? What if there's an emergency and the nanny has to go get the kids from school? It just seems to chaotic. And I really wouldn't like my kids being driven around so much. I know it's likely close by but I try to limit unnecessary car rides. Finally I wouldn't like getting kids packed and ready out the door every day. That was one of my big issues with daycare. I just don't have the time or energy. I try to get up as late as possible and leave as quick as possible. I don't know if that's an issue for you or not.

So in conclusion, unless the nanny could still somehow come to my house I prob would look for someone else. And even then, I don't like the idea of her looking after my kids and her newborn grand baby bc I feel like her time and energy, not to mention loyalties, would focus on the baby over my kids. And that's not ok with me.

djm31012 · February 2014

I agree that you should start looking for new childcare. maybe interview some people just to see before you mention anything to your nanny (or look at daycare). I just think its becoming too complicated and going to wind up causing you so much stress all the times that your children take a back seat to hers. as working parents...we dont have time for that!

mexicolombiana · February 2014

Yeah you guys all brought up good points. The first being that the reason I have a nanny is so I don't have to drive my kids anywhere. Right now the nanny comes to our house after she drops her grandkids off at school. And after school her grandkids are walked over to our house which is walking distance from their school so she doesn't even leave to pick them up which is why it works fine now. I really hate the idea of having to drop the kids off at her daughter's house at 7:30 a.m just for her to pack up ALL the kids to start drop offs. Ugh.

The baby is going to be an issue. I think she's very capable of taking care of the baby and my 2 and 3 yr old but it's definitely an issue to consider.

The car rides really bother me. I also like to limit car rides with the kids for safety reasons.

I was considering putting both of my girls in a daycare but then I would haev to pull the 3 year out of her 1/2 day preschool. I am in love with her pre-k. It was hard to get in and she's guaranteed a spot next year and I kind of like that it's only 1/2 day.

The main issue is I really need someone to pick up my 3 yr old from pre-k at 11:30 a.m. every day. I wish my DH or I could do it but no way can we leave work in the middle of the day.

This is hard but I think i'm going to have to find someone new. Damn the nanny's daughter for getting pregnant! What is she thinking. can you tell I don't like her? Also she had massive marriage issues recently and her DH moved out then moved back in. Ok that's not relevant but still I do not like her.

And no I know the daughter doesn't pay our nanny at all. I wonder if I can sit down with the daughter and ask her to put her kids in pre-care at school so SHE can drop them off and put them in after care so the nanny doesn't have to pick them up, or I get someone new.

We'll see. This sucks.

mexicolombiana · February 2014

glaw said:

That's a reay hard situation. I love our nanny so much too so I understand what you mean. My nanny has 2 teens and 1 pre-k kid and we may have issues when her youngest starts kinder in the fall. But we will cross that bridge when we get there. I've already offered my nanny to bring her daughter to the elementary school right across the street from us and then we would pay for after care until I get home. I wouldn't want my nanny overburdened by taking care of my then 21 mo old, newborn and her kid too! Could you do something similar? By that I mean, could the nanny take care of your kids and the new baby at your house and you could offer to pay for after care for the older grand kids? Then when you're home, the nanny can go pick up the older grand kids and go home. Honestly I would not be comfortable with one person taking care of 5 kids. I understand the older 2 grand kids are in school but still. What if they are sick? What if there's an emergency and the nanny has to go get the kids from school? It just seems to chaotic. And I really wouldn't like my kids being driven around so much. I know it's likely close by but I try to limit unnecessary car rides. Finally I wouldn't like getting kids packed and ready out the door every day. That was one of my big issues with daycare. I just don't have the time or energy. I try to get up as late as possible and leave as quick as possible. I don't know if that's an issue for you or not. So in conclusion, unless the nanny could still somehow come to my house I prob would look for someone else. And even then, I don't like the idea of her looking after my kids and her newborn grand baby bc I feel like her time and energy, not to mention loyalties, would focus on the baby over my kids. And that's not ok with me.

I try to get up as late as possible and leave as quick as possible. I don't know if that's an issue for you or not.

YES. This is a big issue with me. My girls both get up nice and late at like 7 or 7:20 and I hate to think about waking them up at 6:30 to get them ready. In the mornings I shower at like 7:30 or 7:45 a.m. and get ready at the last minute because I know I can because our nanny comes to us. Having to wake up much earlier and drop kids off will probably be a deal breaker for me, I'm just trying so hard to figure out how to keep our nanny.

mexicolombiana · February 2014

Iblamethebeer said:

So the daughter thinks that you are going to pay your nanny her same salary, while she brings an infant along for her full work day?
I feel bad for your nanny, I do. But that's just ridiculous. In addition to the sheer number of kids, and all the driving, it's a major change to add infant care to whatever your nanny is doing with 2 preschoolers.
I would either say no to the baby coming along or tell your nanny that if her daughter would like to enter into a nanny share with you, then nanny needs to tell you what amount she is comfortable receiving for caring for an infant, a 2 year old and a 3 year old, and you will pay half of that amount.

Yeah her daughter is crappy. I understand not paying your own mom to watch your kids. I do get it. If my mom or MIL watched my kids they wouldn't let us pay them. But yeah the daughter would never go for this. I'm irrationally mad at her for getting pregnant and ruining our nanny situation.

jf198400 · February 2014

I already said I would find new childcare but I am confused- why can't the nanny pick up her grand kids and then bring the baby to your house so you don't have to go to her? Why can't the older ones continue to walk to your house after school? I still don't see this as ideal, but i am confused as to why you would have to change the existing routine? Also have you looked into daycare centers? The one my kids are at has an awesome preschool curriculum- no need for separate preschool program. Granted I have to drop them off and pick them up, but my kids are happy and spend the whole day playing not driving around in the car and watching an adult take care of a baby.

mexicolombiana · February 2014

jf198400 said:

I already said I would find new childcare but I am confused- why can't the nanny pick up her grand kids and then bring the baby to your house so you don't have to go to her? Why can't the older ones continue to walk to your house after school? I still don't see this as ideal, but i am confused as to why you would have to change the existing routine? Also have you looked into daycare centers? The one my kids are at has an awesome preschool curriculum- no need for separate preschool program. Granted I have to drop them off and pick them up, but my kids are happy and spend the whole day playing not driving around in the car and watching an adult take care of a baby.

So, she could take the baby and drop off both her grand kids at pre-k. Then come to our house and pick up my kids to take my 3 yr old to school. Then come back to our house with just the baby and my 2 yr old.

But (and I'm guessing here) that the daughter wants the baby at her house for convenience of baby items, crib, pack n'play, breast milk storage, clothes for the baby etc. This is probably why. When the nanny first approached us she immediately said she could no longer come to our house due to the new baby but that she really wanted to work it out and if we could just drop off our kids with her.

So yes, basically the daughter wants the convenience of her mom at HER house with the baby (which btw is TOTALLY understandable) but of course the problem is that WE pay her mom so it's an inconvenience to us.

Also for more background, we used to take our 1 daughter to her daughter's house at first then when I had my 2nd I asked the nanny to come to us. So I feel like the daughter thinks, ok well now you come back to my house since I'm having a baby. Which would be all fine and dandy but WE PAY HER mom not her, and she's our nanny with a business relationship with us.

My DH thinks that the problem is that the relationship with everyone involved has not been as "business-like" as it should have been from the start. He's probably right.

jf198400 · February 2014

Okay that all makes sense now. BUT it does not make sense for you to pay her for this arrangement. You are essentially going from a nanny like situation to an Inhome daycare like situation. There is a huge cost difference between those two. If you do not decide to find a new nanny I would look at what you are really willing to pay for this setup and tell nanny that you will pay x amount.

ebp913 · February 2014

I am dealing with nanny issues as well (see my post down below on the board) and my honest opinion is that this is a lot of unnecessary drama for what is supposed to be an easier childcare solution. I agree with your husband that this sounds like it's just gotten off the employer-employee relationship track.

I would also have a hard time thinking that it's best for my kids and our family to be doing what the nanny is proposing. I would sit down and lay it out with her and see what she says. It seems incredibly unfair that she's watching her grandkids for free while you foot the bill. You have a nanny share basically and it should be expensed accordingly. I would start looking for someone new as it just doesn't seem like she's going to NOT care for the new grandbaby and that doesn't seem like it would be best for your family for her to do so. There are lots of wonderful people out there!

GreenMonkey1 · February 2014

Your nanny sounds awesome, but she is not being all that awesome by putting you in this position. Sure, her daughter sounds like she is taking advantage of her mom. However, your nanny's response is to pass the inconvenience on to you - not tell her daughter to take a hike. So I do think your nanny bears some responsibility for the issue. Personally, I totally prioritize my kids over my job so I can understand your nanny prioritizing her daughter/grandchildren over her job. But if I told my employer I want to work PT for the same money (or whatever major adjustment), then he would tell me to find another job. And he would have every right.

I would not take my kids to the daughter's house for a couple reasons (1) inconvenience, (2) kids being in the car on multiple occasions, (3) is the daughter's house a place where you want your kids, especially given the instability you've mentioned?, (4) the nanny works for you, not vice versa, and (5) the daughter is getting what she wants at your cost and your inconvenience. I would be looking for another nanny or childcare option. Who knows, maybe you'll tell your nanny this isn't going to work and you are looking elsewhere and the nanny will backtrack. Or you'll find a new, better nanny. And while I do not use a nanny, I understand finding a new (and good) nanny is not like picking a new lamp.

This all totally stinks for you, but I would put the onus on the nanny - she's enabling her daughter. So sorry you are having this issue.

Edit - Wanted to make sure it sounded friendly because I am paranoid

*sparky* · February 2014

YOu have gotten good advice already. This would not fly with me, without a serious adjustment in the rate you are paying. I would also have issues with Grandma having that many kids she is caring for all day, and driving my kids all over the place to accomodate someone else's schedule. That is not a nanny arrangement at all.

You say you love her and it seems like she has been with you for a while, so I can see why you would not just say no thanks and find someone new. I would sit down with her and discuss the options, which would NOT include continuing to pay her current rate while you are dropping your kids off at her house and she is caring for her three grandchildren all day.

cecilyandgautam · February 2014

I wouldn't directly communicate with the daughter on these issues. The problem is what your nanny proposed. The fact that she's allowing her daughter to interfere with her work like this is up to the nanny; the daughter's relationship with her mother is not really anything you can resolve yourself. Even when discussing it with the nanny, I wouldn't say "your daughter needs to arrange morning care" or anything like that since it's up to her how she's going to get her kids to school each day; and it's up to your nanny whether she's willing to put her job on the line to take her grand kids to school in the morning.

I would consider whether you'd be willing to make this proposed situation work at a price reduction and I think the others are correct that this is becoming an in-home situation (an unlicensed one at that, but that's another discussion) OR whether this doesn't work for you then go to the nanny with a counter offer of what would work and leave it up to her how to sort it out with her daughter. If she needs to work, then she may go back to her daughter with some limits on how much free grandma care is available.

MammaBear81 · February 2014

PrivacyWanted said:

I think I'd put the ball in her court. Meaning, I'd say "we really like you, and you've been wonderful. But this new situation will not work for us. These are our needs: X,Y,Z, if you can't meet them then we will begin searching for someone who can"

this all the way.. Nanny needs to make a decision, does she want to work for you for money, or her daughter for free. The person who isn't paying money needs to be the one to accommodate the one who is paying, not the other way around. If you don't mind her watching the baby that's fine, but you should not be dropping your kids to accommodate her daughter. If Nanny can't see that, then you need to find someone new. It really sucks when you find someone you like

I will be going through the same thing soon because our au pair, who then became a student is about to graduate from school and he's probably going to want to go home... He's been here for 3 years and I can't see anyone else taking care of my kids.

ETA: With all that running around in the car, how much playtime are your kids going to get? Sure they will be "looked after" but what kind of care is that? We used to run around all the time with the kids, and I finally moved all the activities to after school so my mom could help out (either she could stay with the kids while nanny took the others to activities or vice versa) it wasn't fair for my 2 year old to spend so much time driving around to activities he wasn't even in!

emberlee3 · February 2014

I need childcare that works with for my children and my schedule. I just would not consider making the kind of accommodations that you're talking about. You're the employer. Decide what you need for your family. Make an offer. Let the nanny decide. If she can't do it, find a different nanny.

MarieNV · February 2014

Have you sat down and expressed your concerns with the Nanny? Perhaps something can be worked out. Maybe she can bend a little. If not then you should not be afraid to get a new nanny. In the end you must do what is best for you, your family and your child.

mexicolombiana · February 2014

Thanks for all the responses. We sat down yesterday and I told her that I wanted to work with her but that dropping off my kids at her daughter's house at 7:30 a.m. would not work for us. This seems to be my biggest problem right now. I'm ok w/having the kids at her daughter's house in a home daycare situation. Also I don't mind my kids there and her house is very kid friendly AND happens to be across the street from my mom and dad's house. Sorry forgot to mention that. So if my mom or dad come home early they can pick up my kids for me and hang out at their house together.

So, for now I think we came up with this compromise:

1. I will not take my kids to her house in the morning. She will drop off her 2 grand kids at pre-k blocks from our house EARLIER than usual and will be at our house by 8:00 a.m. She will then pick up my 2 kids and take my 3 yr old to school. Then she'll go back to her daughter's house until she has to pick up my 3 yr old from school at 11:30.

2. I specifically told her I'm not ok with her picking up her grandkids every day at 3:30 from school. I said, "can't your daughter pick them up" and she said usually yes except if she has meetings after work, to which I said she should really be using the aftercare because I don't think it's fair to make you pick up her kids with all the other kids in the car. Nanny agreed. And actually I think I am going to talk to her daughter directly just to be very clear about this (her and I are "sort of" friends and we can talk about this stuff). I just want to be very clear to the daughter that I don't like the nanny picking up her kids with all other kids in the car.

I think this should work. The main problems I'm having is having to drop my kids off at her house earlier in the morning so if she picks them up it should be fine.

My other issue is so much driving so if this works out she will just be going to pick up my 3 yr old and NOT leaving again at 3:30 to pick her grand kids up.

I don't mind the kids being at the daughter's house, in fact in a selfish way I might be glad so my house doesn't get so DIRTY every day! Let her daughter's house turn into a mini day care center! (this is silly but still). I understand that there will a baby around but I'm ok with that for now. My kids are already 2 and 3 and less "needy" than smaller kids. I would not be ok with say 2 small babies under 1 but I think i'm comfortable with a baby and my 2 girls together.

And finally I seriously can't imagine having to find another nanny that I trust as much as my current one. I think that is the main reason I am going to agree to some changes just to keep her. It stresses me out to even think about hiring a stranger at this point.

Also I do think we should have a discount in price due to the new baby so I will discuss that as well. I'm not sure how much of a price drop though...

scrappingcat · February 2014

Our daycare provider only had one family besides my DS and she had to take her kids to school/pick up daily. This meant that I drove DS to daycare, he ate breakfast, loaded into the car for a 5 min drive. Went back to her house then after lunch took the other child to school, went back to providers house for a nap, got up and had to load back into the car to pick both kids up from school then we would pick up within 1 hour of them getting back. By the end of the day he was so tired of riding in the car it was a struggle to get him to go anywhere. About 4-6 months before we left her daycare he was crying every day on the way and could not tell us why. We thought it was just separation anxiety but after his first day with his new provider we picked him up and the first thing he said was "I didn't have to go anywhere in the car today!" We had finally figured out what had made him so sad for the 6 months prior to moving him.

glaw · February 2014

I'm glad you worked something out. But won't your kids still be driven around 2-3 times a day? Once to daughters house, once to older preschool and then back to pick up older one from preschool. I guess it's just one more time than before but still. I guess you can always try it out and see if it works. And yes, you should get at least a 1/3 discount since now she's watching 3 kids full time and only 2 are yours. Good luck. Hope it works out. I know how hard it is to find someone you can truly trust.

MammaBear81 · February 2014

mexicolombiana said:

Thanks for all the responses. We sat down yesterday and I told her that I wanted to work with her but that dropping off my kids at her daughter's house at 7:30 a.m. would not work for us. This seems to be my biggest problem right now. I'm ok w/having the kids at her daughter's house in a home daycare situation. Also I don't mind my kids there and her house is very kid friendly AND happens to be across the street from my mom and dad's house. Sorry forgot to mention that. So if my mom or dad come home early they can pick up my kids for me and hang out at their house together.

So, for now I think we came up with this compromise:

1. I will not take my kids to her house in the morning. She will drop off her 2 grand kids at pre-k blocks from our house EARLIER than usual and will be at our house by 8:00 a.m. She will then pick up my 2 kids and take my 3 yr old to school. Then she'll go back to her daughter's house until she has to pick up my 3 yr old from school at 11:30.

2. I specifically told her I'm not ok with her picking up her grandkids every day at 3:30 from school. I said, "can't your daughter pick them up" and she said usually yes except if she has meetings after work, to which I said she should really be using the aftercare because I don't think it's fair to make you pick up her kids with all the other kids in the car. Nanny agreed. And actually I think I am going to talk to her daughter directly just to be very clear about this (her and I are "sort of" friends and we can talk about this stuff). I just want to be very clear to the daughter that I don't like the nanny picking up her kids with all other kids in the car.

I think this should work. The main problems I'm having is having to drop my kids off at her house earlier in the morning so if she picks them up it should be fine.

My other issue is so much driving so if this works out she will just be going to pick up my 3 yr old and NOT leaving again at 3:30 to pick her grand kids up.

I don't mind the kids being at the daughter's house, in fact in a selfish way I might be glad so my house doesn't get so DIRTY every day! Let her daughter's house turn into a mini day care center! (this is silly but still). I understand that there will a baby around but I'm ok with that for now. My kids are already 2 and 3 and less "needy" than smaller kids. I would not be ok with say 2 small babies under 1 but I think i'm comfortable with a baby and my 2 girls together.

And finally I seriously can't imagine having to find another nanny that I trust as much as my current one. I think that is the main reason I am going to agree to some changes just to keep her. It stresses me out to even think about hiring a stranger at this point.

Also I do think we should have a discount in price due to the new baby so I will discuss that as well. I'm not sure how much of a price drop though...

I think this will work, as long as her daughter doesn't start having weekly/daily "meetings" after work. If that does happen I would nip it in the bud quickly, because she obviously will take anything she can get! I'm glad you guys could work something out. I hate looking for new care, but I just couldn't see all that running around working out for anyone (except the daughter!).

thedash · February 2014

Did the nanny tell you that you will now have to take your kids to her daughter's house every morning? That's a huge change in terms and then adding in that she will be watching an infant all day makes this a completely different arrangement than what you have had. I know you love her but you are not one big family and you should not alter your situation that drastically to accommodate her grand kids. I think it's time for her to choose either working for you or watching her grandkids. It no longer seems feasible to do both.

ETA: missed your update before I posted. If they really stick to that plan it's not so bad but I wonder how the baby will handle all that car time every day. Not your problem really, I just think it's a lot. My 5 month old screams 98% of the time she is in her carseat.

ebp913 · February 2014

I read your update and still think it's sounds pretty terrible. I'm about to look for a new nanny for reasons that are WAY less complicated than yours. I guess if you are happy with it and fine then go for it but I couldn't do it. The whole situation just sounds like its going to blow up at some point.

*sparky* · February 2014

ebp913 said:

I read your update and still think it's sounds pretty terrible. I'm about to look for a new nanny for reasons that are WAY less complicated than yours. I guess if you are happy with it and fine then go for it but I couldn't do it. The whole situation just sounds like its going to blow up at some point.

I'm sorry but I do agree with this. She will have five young children in her care at certain times of the day, still has to drive your kids around a lot, and what happens when your kids or her daughter's kids are sick? I do hope that things work out, but I just don't see this situation going very smoothly. If I were in your shoes, I would start looking around for another nanny or have another back up plan.

mexicolombiana · February 2014

Thanks again everyone, to clarify a little more, with the current update she won't have 5 kids in her care at any point in the day anymore, unless she picks up her 2 grand kids at daycare at 3:30. Which she said she won't be doing unless absolutely necessary.

She's coming to our house to pick up my 2 girls AFTER she drops off her grand kids so it'll just be my 2 kids and the baby for the rest of the day. THEN at 3:30 or later daughter will pick up her own kids from pre-k so they won't be at the house until like 4 and then daughter will be there too. Hope this all makes sense.

I would be concerned with the baby going in and out of the car so much too especially in the cold, but true, not my concern really.

Anyway I have until Oct. or so to figure this out, but I really want to get a nice arrangement going so there aren't as many blurred lines as many mentioned before.

I'll keep you guys posted but for now I "THINK" this will work out.

mexicolombiana · February 2014

MammaBear81 said:

mexicolombiana said:

Thanks for all the responses. We sat down yesterday and I told her that I wanted to work with her but that dropping off my kids at her daughter's house at 7:30 a.m. would not work for us. This seems to be my biggest problem right now. I'm ok w/having the kids at her daughter's house in a home daycare situation. Also I don't mind my kids there and her house is very kid friendly AND happens to be across the street from my mom and dad's house. Sorry forgot to mention that. So if my mom or dad come home early they can pick up my kids for me and hang out at their house together.

So, for now I think we came up with this compromise:

1. I will not take my kids to her house in the morning. She will drop off her 2 grand kids at pre-k blocks from our house EARLIER than usual and will be at our house by 8:00 a.m. She will then pick up my 2 kids and take my 3 yr old to school. Then she'll go back to her daughter's house until she has to pick up my 3 yr old from school at 11:30.

2. I specifically told her I'm not ok with her picking up her grandkids every day at 3:30 from school. I said, "can't your daughter pick them up" and she said usually yes except if she has meetings after work, to which I said she should really be using the aftercare because I don't think it's fair to make you pick up her kids with all the other kids in the car. Nanny agreed. And actually I think I am going to talk to her daughter directly just to be very clear about this (her and I are "sort of" friends and we can talk about this stuff). I just want to be very clear to the daughter that I don't like the nanny picking up her kids with all other kids in the car.

I think this should work. The main problems I'm having is having to drop my kids off at her house earlier in the morning so if she picks them up it should be fine.

My other issue is so much driving so if this works out she will just be going to pick up my 3 yr old and NOT leaving again at 3:30 to pick her grand kids up.

I don't mind the kids being at the daughter's house, in fact in a selfish way I might be glad so my house doesn't get so DIRTY every day! Let her daughter's house turn into a mini day care center! (this is silly but still). I understand that there will a baby around but I'm ok with that for now. My kids are already 2 and 3 and less "needy" than smaller kids. I would not be ok with say 2 small babies under 1 but I think i'm comfortable with a baby and my 2 girls together.

And finally I seriously can't imagine having to find another nanny that I trust as much as my current one. I think that is the main reason I am going to agree to some changes just to keep her. It stresses me out to even think about hiring a stranger at this point.

Also I do think we should have a discount in price due to the new baby so I will discuss that as well. I'm not sure how much of a price drop though...

I think this will work, as long as her daughter doesn't start having weekly/daily "meetings" after work. If that does happen I would nip it in the bud quickly, because she obviously will take anything she can get! I'm glad you guys could work something out. I hate looking for new care, but I just couldn't see all that running around working out for anyone (except the daughter!).

Yup exactly.

NicoleWI · February 2014

Your solutions sounds pretty good, and I know how hard it is to find a good nanny. I do think there's still risk that this is going to blow up later, but it buys you some time with your current nanny. If something falls apart in the fall then you can deal with it at that point.

mexicolombiana · February 2014

NicoleWI said:

Your solutions sounds pretty good, and I know how hard it is to find a good nanny. I do think there's still risk that this is going to blow up later, but it buys you some time with your current nanny. If something falls apart in the fall then you can deal with it at that point.

Yes I hope it works and doesn't blow up later!

*sparky* · February 2014

mexicolombiana said:

Thanks again everyone, to clarify a little more, with the current update she won't have 5 kids in her care at any point in the day anymore, unless she picks up her 2 grand kids at daycare at 3:30. Which she said she won't be doing unless absolutely necessary.

She's coming to our house to pick up my 2 girls AFTER she drops off her grand kids so it'll just be my 2 kids and the baby for the rest of the day. THEN at 3:30 or later daughter will pick up her own kids from pre-k so they won't be at the house until like 4 and then daughter will be there too. Hope this all makes sense.

I would be concerned with the baby going in and out of the car so much too especially in the cold, but true, not my concern really.

Anyway I have until Oct. or so to figure this out, but I really want to get a nice arrangement going so there aren't as many blurred lines as many mentioned before.

I'll keep you guys posted but for now I "THINK" this will work out.

OK that makes sense and I agree is a little better. When you were talking about being ok if she took her kids to her daughter's later in the day I was thinking all of the kids would be there. I am glad you feel comfortable with the situation, and you obviously know your nanny well. It just seems like there is opportunity for things to get messy, mostly because it seems like the daughter will push and the nanny wants to help her out. I do hope it all works out for you. I am searching for childcare now and I do understand how stressful that is.

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