XP: not feeling scared about birth Q

BzeetyD · February 2014

I'm cross posting this on SAIF and PAIF to get some insight.

So we're at 38w2d today and... I'm not scared of the birth part of this whole thing. I'm not scared of a vag style birth or a c/s if it goes down like that and I'm not scared of an emergency c/s if it need to go down like that. I feel out of the norm on my BMB, and in my life (like talking to coworkers or friends or family) for not being freaked out/scared and I wonder if other IF, IFVs, or repeat loss ladies went through similar calm/un-frightened feelings.

I don't feel like I'm naive about it, I feel well educated and researched. I think all our experience with clinics and hospitals for egg retrievals and surgeries and m/cs care has really caused me to have a positive association with the hospital care part. And we trust our OB/practice immensely.

I feel like overall the birth is SUCH a short experience compared to our 4 years of struggles and troubles. And the birth experience, whatever it will be, will end with a little one - even if it is difficult and painful, there is a clear and obvious reward. Not only that, but we'll FINALLY be on "the other side" of this journey, which is a reward in and of itself.

Maybe part of it is that we have preferences but not a "plan" - I feel comfort in the idea that "we're not in control", which doesn't mean we don't have a say or we don't know what we'd like to have happen. I'm open to all options and know the risks and benefits of our choices. But the truth of the matter is that in this long trial to become parents, events have happened how they've happened whether we wanted them, or wished them, or were afraid or not.

Anyone else feel similar before birth? If you're a SAIFer, did your feelings change as you went through the birth process?

Am I crazy for thinking/feeling this way?

PS. Hello to any and all of my ol' timey buddies on here.

luvboston · February 2014

Hey Bz,

I am super excited for you! I felt the same way nothing could compare to getting pg so this was a cake walk. Also in my mind I just knew how it would happen and all the scenarios so I had nothing to be scared about, I literally hugged my sisters walked down the hall, had the spinal and laid down and they cut lo out just like I knew they would.

There is no reason to be nervous or scared if you trust the people taking care of you. The part that was scary realizing that I really had a baby it wasn't a dream:)

PurpleIris30 · February 2014

I think that is fantastic you are feeling so calm and prepared. I think your experience has really helped you keep perspective on what's important - eye on the prize, so to speak.

My situation was so different, so it's hard to say how I would have felt if I could have made it closer to term. Prior to PPROM, I wasn't scared of labor, actually I don't know if I was ever scared of the actual birth process even after the PPROM, but I was terrified when I knew they were going to be born early and I wasn't sure they would be ok. So that has really colored my experience.

But you've made it to 38 weeks, and you and baby are going to be great. No matter how it all goes down, you are so close after your long journey. So excited for you, friend.

mcgeeva · February 2014

Congrats! I think it's just the excitment mixed with the long awaited lo that takes over at this point. You just want to hold that take home baby so bad that is where your mind is. And you know what everyone says labor is so short even if it was bad people forget that expience when that baby is in your arms which is why people keep popping kids out. I have to say im jealous your 38 weeks!!!!

JBDamonM · February 2014

Hey lady

Congrats on being so close. Can't wait for your big news.

As for your post - I could've written that myself when I was pregnant. I had NO fears about delivering. I shocked even myself with my calm, level headed approach (I'm usually a nervous nelly)....I did noteven take a childbirth class because I Thought it may create anxiety that was not there.

I felt like it was going to go down however it was supposed to and there was a lot I could not control (like speed of labor etc.) I had also mentally prepared myself for a long labor, when low and behold I only labored for 4 hours. I think your approach is spot on.

My feelings did not change as the process went on. I had total trust in my OB - which I think is incredibly important. I had some trouble getting LO out and eventually needed the vacuum - but my OB wasn't quick to push that either, which made me happy, she very much tried to leave all of the decision making to me so I was comfortable with the outcome.

I truthfully think I will be more nerved up about doing it again whenever that time comes. Now that I know what the process entails I can't believe I did it - but at the end of it I know once the contractions start I will power through...

Best of luck to you

PennyLane26 · February 2014

Woo hoo! Hi old friend! Can't believe you are so close to the finish line… well, really the "start" … but you know what I mean!

I was like you. My birth plan was "no plan." I was so excited! Not nervous at all. That never changed for me. I had to be induced almost 3 weeks early for pre-e (I had taken a natural childbirth class, but once I was on the pitocin, that just wasn't an option, though I did get to deliver vaginally and I'm so happy for that!). Even still, when they told me to go to the hospital at my 37week appointment I was thrilled!

People LOVE to share their horror stories and try their best to get you hyped up, but I always just nodded, turned away and rolled my eyes!

Can't wait to hear your birth story and see you here on SAIF! Best of luck!

kaf7 · February 2014

Hi Bzeets, first off, I am lurking every few days to see if you've delivered. I am so excited for you. Otherwise, I think what you're feeling (or not feeling) is about how I was too. I was impatient because I was postdates and had exams coming up but I wasn't really scared about delivering. I too recognized that it was going to happen and I had to trust the process to an extent and make decisions as I had to. GL and I can't wait for you to meet bean!

Ruthie04 · February 2014

I wasn't really nervous either. My overwhelming concern was for their health, not how they'd enter the world or anything I might experience. I had some complications that made things a bit scary too, so i was just ready for them to get out since i felt i was starving them inside. The first time I even got a bit nervous was when they started wheeling me into the OR.

While I think all moms feel that way, I think it's especially true for many IFers. We've seen so many of our IF sisters go through unimaginable circumstances and we understand how fortunate we are to be in the final step to parenthood. That's the ONLY thing we think about- a healthy baby...no matter how it happens. You have a great attitude going in, which is a great thing! Best of luck to you and please post a pic of that sweet baby!

kmc84 · February 2014

Hi BZ!!! OMG you are so close! Yay!

Nope, I wasn't scared. I've been through so much in life (IF and non IF) that I felt more like 'bring it on!!!!' Lol. I think people thought I was in denial. I knew that she would get here one way or another and that I would go with the flow! My water broke at 36.3, so it was a surprise, but it all went great! Good luck to you lady! Can't wait for your intro!

STL34 · February 2014

I wasn't really nervous or scared about birth, either. It turned out to be an absolutely amazing experience. Going through everything related to IF made birthing my daughter seem like a piece of cake and I was rewarded for it. Good luck to you. I hope you have a great experience!!

Mrs.AmyDylan · February 2014

First, congrats! I'm excited for you to finally have your "reward" in your IF journey. Go team green!

I wasn't nervous about my birth, but I ditched the huge OB practice at 32w since they were stressing me the hell out. I finally felt relaxed and excited once we were signed into the birthing center. They listened and cared.

I ended up with the most amazing, zen birth. It was everything I had hoped and more! I delivered med-free in a birthing tub. So completely opposite of how J was conceived!

mnj05 · February 2014

I've been stalking you like a mad woman for the past month! I'm so excited for you and can't wait for THE post!

I also had no fears. I went in with the notion of whatever my doctor thought was best was what we would do. My only little bit of anxiousness that I felt was the time between arriving at the hospital and waiting for a room (I was induced). Other than that, I was super calm. Labor itself was easy for me, but it didn't hurt that I was 5cm when they broke my water so I didn't feel the contractions that got me to that point. I ended up with a c/s and cried only because I was so exhausted after pushing for hours, not out of fear or failure feelings.

Like others have said, my focus was on the health of baby. Maybe it is the IFer in all of us that allows us to focus on the blessing of parenthood and not the messy/painful way it can become in order to get to that point.

ccam · February 2014

Couldn't agree more! I was so excited to meet our LO and to finally find out what we were having, that I didn't have a chance to be nervous or scared. Plus I was overdue so I pretty much couldn't wait!!

Good luck to you!

itsmevkb · February 2014

I did not experience infertility with my first and yet that is the birth I was least concernced/worried/thought about. I went into it with about the same attitude you have. What will be will be and in the end I will have a healthy baby and it won't really matter how it happened. So, I don't think those feelings are exclusive to women who have been through infertility and may be more a combination of personality, general outlook and then also life experiences.

My subsequent births I faced with more anxiety and fear simply because my first had some issues in which my son was in jeopardy and ended up in the NICU. I was prepared for labor not being my dream labor (although it ended up pretty much being exactly how I wanted) and I felt I was even prepared for a c-section if need be but I really feel it's impossible to prepare yourself for the rare obstetrical emergencies that can happen where things start to go wrong very quickly.

In the end, I've always felt going in with an open mind and flexibility is what works best. I can't wait to see the big announcement once the baby arrives!

Dragonfly1226 · February 2014

I wasn't nervous at all going into the birth of my DS. I was just very excited to meet him. My water broke ten days before my due date so I was actually not even anticipating it. I was convinced that I was going to give birth late. During labor DS's heart rate kept dropping and it was very scary, but he was alright in the end.

With K&A I had a scheduled c section and I was scared out if my mind. I was scared of the surgery and scared that something would happen to one or both of them. I think the twin pregnancy as a whole was much more stressful than my pregnancy with DS.

pillowass · February 2014

I think with that attitude you are bound to have a really great experience! With my first, I had the birth plan and a very specific idea of how it should go, which did not pan out at all. My twins taught me to trust my providers and appreciate the hospital staff and their expertise. It was SO much better to cede control of the situation and trust the experts to get the babies out safely.

Good luck to you!

Roxie5739 · February 2014

Hey Bz! Amazing that you are so close already. IMO, the hospital experience is quick as you say, but you want it quick. I would not have a "plan" as it will never work out how you want it to. Have preferences but be ready to roll with the punches too. I had preferences but once I was in the thick of it, things changed, I was not happy about it at the time, but in hindsight it was fine and I am happy that I delivered my LO safe and sound. I can guarantee the care will not be a touchy feely as going through IVF but you can make and take from it what you want. I continued long term BF support through a group at the hospital and found it very beneficial. GL with the big event, you will do great. Looking forward to seeing you over on this side

Saraevh · February 2014

I wasn't scared for labor/birth before my first either. I was a bit anxious but mostly excited. After I actually went through it I was scared before the births of my next two children though

I won't go into details, but my experiences were a bit off from how I imagined birth would be and I was very educated and informed as well.

But you are right ... it will ALL be worth it in the end, no matter what kind of hell you go through! Good luck

kbeach82 · February 2014

Like @Saraevh, I wasn't scared before the birth of my oldest either. I was anxious because I didn't know what to expect, but I was ready to meet my LO and I wasn't afraid of the process.

Without going into too much detail, the birth of DS1 was much longer than I had ever anticipated it would be (I was induced over 2 days), and I had a lot of tearing and stitches (he was born sunny side up).

I was thankful to be able to go for a vaginal delivery a few years later with my twins, but because I was much more knowledgeable about what I was in for (as far as an induction was concerned) I was actually much more anxious the second time around. Not to mention the fact that I had a failed induction attempt about a week prior and that experience was FRESH in my mind.

I think that labor and delivery rarely goes as "planned," and you really can't even know what to expect even from the delivery of one child to the next. But it's all obviously worth it in the end. Good luck to you!!

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