A little vent

MJC1116 · February 2014

So, back story... I had been struggling with 2IF for about 2 years when a friend at work broke down to me that she had been having issues herself. She was at the beginning of her IF journey, but was frustrated after 9 months of trying with one blighted ovum. Anyways, I kid you not, that day she cried to me about her struggles, I went home to take a +POAS.

So needless to say, I've been treading lightly around her so that my pregnancy doesn't cause her any additional pain. I so desperately wanted to tell her that the pain of IF still lingers, but I didn't want to bring it up. Earlier in January, she told me that it was going to be her month.

We ran into each other today and started talking and she told me on the verge of tears that she had just started her period today. And I couldn't help but cry for her and for myself, and then feel badly for crying for myself. It just brought back so many feelings of helplessness and disappointment and frustration.

We talked for a long time and she seemed better. I confessed to her that getting pregnant doesn't erase any hurt. She told me she's elated for me because of what I've been through.

Then, at a faculty meeting, another teacher announced her daughter was pregnant with her THIRD baby. My friend completely lost it and had to leave the room. I wanted to run after her to give her a hug, but decided she probably wanted and needed her space.

I guess it just pisses me off that IF is real and it's out there and really good people are dealing with the sting of it. It breaks my heart. I really want to tell her it's going to be okay, but I hated when people said that to me and I don't know for sure if it will...

No point to this other than to vent. Thanks for reading.

marnief · February 2014

You are so considerate. What a sucky situation. My nickel's worth of free advice is, definitely don't tell her it will be OK or that it will all work out how it's "meant to" or whatever. Tell her it sucks, and you've been where she is and it was really painful for you (without saying "I know how you feel" because you might not, she might have nuances that you didn't, and vice versa), and that if she wants to talk you're there for her, and you're hoping and praying that she'll be successful soon.

tryingyetagain · February 2014

I've been wondering how it was going with her after your other post about it. Dang it, that is so unfair. IF does really suck it. I am glad that you talked though, but what horrible timing with the other pregnancy announcement.

My next door neighbor, who I am pretty good friends with, went through IUI/IVF for years and eventually adopted their only child. And their son now has a terminal illness. It is so unfair, and I can't make sense of this stupid universe sometimes.

Peanutz21 · February 2014

i felt so alone during my IF journey and just recently found out one of my BF is going through the same process (she's on her 2nd IVF cycle now). my heart breaks for her too. i still feel badly about telling her about my pregnancy but i know she's happy for me. i tell her to stay positive and that it will happen to her too and that she can cry to me any time she wants.

IF stinks. i don't wish it on anyone...not even my worst enemy.

katekat8721 · February 2014

I'm in a similar situation, a very good friend of mine is battling IF and I'm finally pregnant.

Just keep being yourself and being considerate. Some days she may want to hear there's hope, other days she may need space. It's just a hard place to be

anations · February 2014

It does suck! It gives us so much pain that I do get emotional when I hear someone has trouble.

MJC1116 · February 2014

It just makes me sad and angry, still to this day, that women (and really great women!) have issues. I watched my own sister go through it, but I am really happy for her as she and her H adopted a beautiful daughter and are in the process of adopting a little boy.

I'm a teacher and I work with a lot of great families, but every year there's at least one where I wonder why on earth they were able to conceive when they don't give their child(ren) the time or attention that they crave and deserve.

Thanks for hearing me out, girls!

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