Radio Relationship Scenario - Input here!

amywalt1684 · February 2014

I heard this relationship scenario on the radio this morning... what is your input?

A woman "Jenny" contacted the radio station asking if she was wrong to be upset about the situation with her boyfriend, "John". Jenny has been dating John for about a year now, it is pretty serious and they have talked casually about a future together. Last month, Jenny found a check sitting out that John had written up for his ex-girlfriend. John explained that he and his ex had been in a serious relationship for over 8 years (which Jenny knew). Over the time that they had been together they had made a few financial decisions together based on their income together (John's income being substantially more than ex gf). John is the one who left the relationship and does feel guilty about leaving the ex with all the debt (whether it is a car or apartment or other... IDK). He felt that it was the right thing to do to help her out monthly with the payments on the debt they acquired together, and has been providing financial assistance monthly.

Do you think John is right to help out his ex? Does Jenny have a right to be upset?

amywalt1684 · February 2014

I personally think that it is the right thing for him to do, to an extent. There should be an ending agreement or an exit strategy. Plus he should have been open about the whole situation with Jenny from the get go.

MrsCase1 · February 2014

Heck no would be OK with this. I ended a relationship with someone and we had joint accounts, loans, etc. Before I moved out we went down tot eh bank and situated everything regarding money. Clean break. It is possible. Just because he made more doesn't mean he is responsible for paying it off if the ex kept whatever item it was (car, etc.) If you're JUST dating and not married, you should not become accustomed to a standard of living well beyond your means. That is foolish and a life lesson you need to learn.

melissa0726 · February 2014

If they incurred the debt together, I'm inclined to say he is responsible to an extent. But agree with @amywalt1684 there should some exit strategy in place. For example, why should he be paying a full share of a car payment which he (I'm assuming) has never driven since they split up. In this scenario, I would think it was smarter to sell the car, split the difference, and let the ex work out getting her own vehicle.

I can see Jenny being upset about them being in regular contact if she didn't know about that. But I assume their financial agreement was made before Jenny came into the picture, so it would seem it is between John and the ex.

Monsieur_et_Madame_Ha · February 2014

Jenny has the right to be upset at John for keeping it a secret. Other than that, I think it's none of her business. The way I see it, John won't be making those payments forever, so it's more like paying off a debt, and not actual alimony. But regardless of how you see it, those decisions were made by John before Jenny entered the picture.

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