Ask me anything Healz413

healz413 · February 2014

We haven't done an ask me anything in a couple of weeks and I don't think I can really get work done today, so let's play ask me anything!

(For those of you who can't see my signature and don't know, my partner Manada and I are doing partner IVF right now. We both have various infertility issues and diagnoses--diminished ovarian reserve for her and severe endometriosis that led to both of my fallopian tubes being removed for me. We've had a very difficult last couple of days as only 3 of the eggs retrieved from me fertilized. We're scheduled for a day 3 transfer tomorrow if there are still any embryos growing. I'm happy to answer questions about infertility, the process, our goals, etc, but just wanted to give everyone a little back story.)

ATXmommas · February 2014

I've never told you this, but I really wish I could sit it on one of your lectures sometime! What is your favorite course/lecture to teach?

healz413 · February 2014

I love that there is nationwide healthcare that is well-established. It's far from perfect, but it makes a big difference.

I love that IUI costs (not sperm, but the ultrasounds and bloodwork) are covered by the national healthcare.

I love that our relationship (both when it was common law and now that we're legally married) is legally recognized locally and federally.

I love that if we have a baby using an anonymous sperm donor we can both be on the birth certificate.

I love Toronto. I think it's a great city and it has a lot of outdoor space for us to have adventures with our dog.

I love that I met @Manada here.

I love that Toronto is not too far from my family in Chicago.

healz413 · February 2014

Thanks, @atxmommas!

The last two years, I got to teach a third year gender studies course called HIV/AIDS Movements. I got to develop the course content and write all the lectures and choose my guest speakers, etc. I LOVED it. It was a fantastic experience and I loved the material. (My background is in HIV/AIDS movements).

I also TA for a first year intro course called "Gender and the Law." I have a tutorial of 25 students. I really enjoy teaching first year students, too. It's a completely different experience than teaching third year students.

But if I had to choose, I would definitely choose the HIV/AIDS Movements Course. And my favorite lecture in that course is probably the first full week (not the intro week where they don't do any reading and you hand out the syllabus). I've titled it "Framing Our Thinking" and it sets the stage for the rest of the course and I think that if I only got to teach one of the lectures, I'd choose that one.

Manada · February 2014

How did you get to be such a cutie?

healz413 · February 2014

@Manada, I found a partner-love who let me embrace being fully myself.

2MamazInSeattle · February 2014

What do you love most about yourself, and what frustrates you most about yourself?

KH826 · February 2014

What would you consider your greatest accomplishment in life so far?

StacyLH24 · February 2014

Baby making aside, what is a current goal/dream that you have set for you and/or the two of you?

healz413 · February 2014

@2mamazinseattle, I love my compassion.
@2mamazinseattle, other than my endometriosis

, I get frustrated by my defensiveness and my tendency to take things personally

doodah1013 · February 2014

What are the most ridiculous/frustrating/angry making things that people have said to you while TTC?

Also... When/why did you come to identify as queer and how has this changed your perception of the world and yourself?

I'll take my answer off the air... Thanks.

healz413 · February 2014

@kh826, I don't know! Tough question! I'm gonna decide that finding a really great partner doesn't count for this answer so that I can actually tell you something you don't know about me.
There are a couple of milestone things that were big accomplishments for me--running a half marathon, writing and defending my comprehensive exams, etc.
Also, I'm really proud of myself for the way I handled a really tough breakup. How I honored my feelings but chose to be okay. How I decided to start therapy when I felt like I was stuck in the past. How I was able to honor that relationship history but also begin to recognize just how much I'd been hurt by how complicated (I choose this word because I want one without too much judgmet in it) it was.

healz413 · February 2014

@stacylh24, finishing my PhD!
And maybe moving to a smaller city where we could theoretically afford to buy a house and have more outdoor space.

healz413 · February 2014

@doodah1013, I have been pretty lucky in that I have had pretty good reactions from the people I've shared with. A lot of folks in my life happen to know folks who've gone through infertility stuff.
That said, the biggest pet peeves are probably "just relax, it will happen when you're least expecting it," "but it can take healthy straight couples up to a year to get pregnant," and "have you considered adoption"

As for queer identity--
I first started to think I might not be entirely straight when I was 24. I met and fell in love with a d.yke-identified person when I was 25 and over the course of a few months, I'd moved through several identifiers and settled on d.yke. (The period is because this is auto-censor word in the bump). Especially after I moved to Toronto and started my masters in women's studies, I had a lot of queer friends. It was through my social circles and academic work that I really started using "queer" as my primary identifier.

How queer identity has changed my view of myself and the world is a complex question that I'm not sure I've totally thought out. First and most simply, it improved my self esteem. I fit in and looked the part much more in queer communities than I did in straight ones. My height and size and penchant for men's clothes were an assesst not something to be overcome.
Queer identity also gave me a new lens for thinking about society. My interest in "the trouble with normal" (both the book and the concept) helped me to frame my academic, political, and social thinking and interactions.
There's much more for sure. But I'm on my iPhone so I'm gonna leave it there

wishiwaspreggo · February 2014

What would you have for your last meal, should you know your last meal would happen in advance?

I can't stop thinking about delicious food. It's terrible and wonderful all at once

healz413 · February 2014

A buffet that included Chicken fried steak with white gravy, really good mashed potatoes, corn on the cob, Mac and cheese, Chicago stuffed pizza, bacon, strawberry rhubarb pie, banana cream pie, and Reese's peanut butter cups.

newmompeanut · February 2014

I read your response that you identified as d.yke and now identify as queer. Can you tell me what the difference is? I feel like I should know what this means since I'm pretty sure I fall into one of the two categories, but I guess I don't really know the difference.

(Please don't take this question to show anything but me not knowing the difference and hoping that I use them correctly.)

healz413 · February 2014

@newmompeanut, I take no offense to your question! and to clarify, I actually still do identify as d.yke but tend to use queer more often.

First, I want to note that these words mean different things to different people. My understandings of these identities will not necessarily mesh with other people's understandings.

So, I've always liked the term/identity "d.yke" because I see it as more political than the term "lesbian." I know many people who love the term "lesbian" and very much identify with it. To me, though, "lesbian" has often felt sanitized and de-politicized. When I think of "lesbian" I often think more of "sexual preference" than "identity." That is, someone who identifies as "lesbian," might argue that the only difference between them and a straight person is their sexual preference. Now, there's nothing wrong with that. If that's what works for someone, then who am I to challenge there identity? And there's also nothing wrong with using "lesbian" in a much more political way (and many older lesbians, who come out of the feminist movements of the 70s, prefer to identify as lesbians). It's just not what feels right for me. (That said, I often get referred to as a lesbian--at the RE's office, other places it's remotely relevant--and I tend not to correct/protest. I'm not opposed to being a lesbian and I like the idea of being a part of a group of lesbians; but it doesn't feel like home.

"D.yke," on the other hand, feels more political. It is something someone claims and embraces. Also, where lesbian is often relatively narrowly used to describe women who are attracted (almost exclusively--again room for interpretation here) to other people who identify specifically as women, I believe that d.yke is often a broader category than that that can include more genderqueer and genderfluid folks more easily. It also can fit womyn who would be classified as "bisexual" by society but don't identify that way.

"Queer' is typically used in one or both of two ways. First, "queer" can be used as an umbrella to encompass a wide variety of non-straight folks. So, rather than LGBTIetc., one could use the term "queer." So I like to use it when I'm talking about a group of folks who may not all identify as "lesbian" "d.yke" or "gay," because a lot more folks can fit under the queer umbrella. Relatedly, "queer" can be fit people who aren't straight but don't fit one particular label. Folks who don't identify as "lesbian" or "gay" or "bisexual" or "transgender" or "transsexual" might identify as queer. (Or they might identify as one or more of those things and queer.)

Second, "queer" can be used to speak to a political and social resistance to normative society. 'Queer" can challenge the idea that we (as LGBTetc folks) are just like everyone else but with a difference in terms of gender identity or sexual preference. It challenges the idea that normativity is desirable and fully beneficial for anyone, straight or queer.

When I identify myself as queer, I use it in both of those ways. In some conversations, communities, etc., I also find it illuminating/beneficial to identify as a d.yke.

ball.and.chain · February 2014

healz413 said:

A buffet that included Chicken fried steak with white gravy, really good mashed potatoes, corn on the cob, Mac and cheese, Chicago stuffed pizza, bacon, strawberry rhubarb pie, banana cream pie, and Reese's peanut butter cups.

Uhhh..can I come?

healz413 · February 2014

Yes! But @manada knows her better! How do you?

Ask me anything Healz413

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