Ok, tell me I'm being ridiculous(?) - Vent

traveltheworld · February 2014

DS (18.5 months) moved to a new toddler room in mid-January. There are 2 toddler rooms in the DC and I like the other room and the other teachers much better. At first I thought my view was being unfairly influenced by the fact that DS is having a really tough time transitioning and is screaming/sobbing at every drop-off, but I've been looking on webcam (we have webcam access to both rooms) and every time I look in DS's room, all the kids are just wandering around aimlessly. Whereas in the other room, the 2 teachers always seem to be sitting together and doing something with the children. On top of that, it doesn't seem like the teachers in DS's room is making any real effort to help him transition better. He was left alone sitting at his little table for over an hour after lunch and afternoon snack - and it's been like that every day. Now I know DS only goes 2 days a week so the transition has been hard for him, and he loves his food and can be stubborn; but shouldn't they at least try to move him away from the table and join the other kids?

I talked to the director about moving DS to the other room. The reason I gave was that we usually pick up DS quite late and since they combine all the toddlers into the other class at the end of the day, we'd like DS to just be in that class to avoid having to always move at the end of the day. The director originally said that she'll move him mid-February; but when I asked again today, she said she can't tell us when the move would be.

I'm really unhappy - to the point where I'm now constantly checking the webcam (DS has been there 10 months and I've always been happy before) and it really bothers me when I see him sitting there by himself. By my calculations, today he must have sat at the table for about 4 hours.

FemShep · February 2014

You're not being ridiculous. I'd be livid. Set up an appointment to talk to the director, and log what you see on the webcam, with as many details as possible. Tell her your concerns that DS is not getting proper supervision or interaction, and tell her that he needs to be moved as soon as possible. Push her on both short-term strategies to help him transition (and get more interaction) and a move plan, and check in with her every day he attends. And I'd also start looking for other care options. Good luck!

ETA: You do, however, need to be honest with the director about why you want him moved. I understand not wanting to piss his teachers off, but if he's sitting at a table for 4 hours, they need a wakeup call and if they don't improve they should be fired. Perhaps the director can rotate in one of the good teachers?

ccam · February 2014

I would sit down with the director and discuss this. You're definitely not being ridiculous!

jf198400 · February 2014

If you didn't tell the director the real reasons you're upset than no wonder nothing has been done. You need to tell her exactly what is going on. Don't be afraid to advocate for your kid.

ASmallWonder · February 2014

I'll just echo the others. Don't make up reasons - give her the real reason. Above all, it's completely unacceptable for him to be left alone at the table like that but in general it's just not good that the two rooms are being handled so differently. It's something the director SHOULD know but if she doesn't, she needs to and she needs to equalize it somehow.

laurakaz13 · February 2014

No. You have to be honest and specific about exactly what is happening and why you are bothered. I would not stand for this and I would talk to both the teachers and the director and demand that things change. I would also ask for the other classroom as soon as possible.

But likely if there is another daycare that suits your needs, I would switch.

emberlee3 · February 2014

Aw, your poor little guy. I would be really upset, too. Aside from the social/adjustment concerns, I don't understand how he can be sitting at the table by himself? In my state, it is required that a teacher sit with any child who is eating.

I vote for finding a new center.

ASmallWonder · February 2014

ClaryPax said:

I'd move to a different daycare. Sorry this is happening.

I'm not saying she shouldn't but I still think she needs to speak up about the actual issues. Maybe other parents don't have the ability to check the webcam feed and have no idea what's going on in that room so personally, I'd feel like I had to discuss it with the director even if I knew I was leaving.

traveltheworld · February 2014

Thanks everyone. You are right - I already didn't like the room a few weeks ago when DS first transitioned, and that feeling hasn't changed. I did end up talking to the director today. She said she'll make an effort to switch DS to the other room, but it's not going to happen for at least the next 2 months. After hearing that, I was a lot more frank with her about my concerns. She seemed surprised, but showed genuine concern and said that she will sit down with the 2 teachers in DS's room and talk to them about the issue. She also said that I should call her right away if I notice anything I don't like on webcam and she can go to the room right away and observe.

The director also said that in our state, it's illegal for a teacher to limit the time a child has to eat, so generally the teachers will not take the food away from the child. However, she was shocked when I told her that DS's snack time went on for 1.5 hours and agreed with me that at some point, one of the teachers should have done something to entice him to move away from the table.

Unfortunately switching DC is not really an option - we've been on the wait list for the other possible DCs since I found out I was pregnant and I was recently told that one of the centers "may" have a spot for DS when he turns 2.5. The current DC is supposed to be one of the best in the city and I've always been happy with them, so I'll see if anything changes over the next few days/weeks.

Thanks again everyone.

VOR · February 2014

I have to say that it bothers me that there are webcams in the rooms and the director has no idea what's going on. I feel like she should take some time too to observe the rooms.

kgrobot · February 2014

VOR said:

I have to say that it bothers me that there are webcams in the rooms and the director has no idea what's going on. I feel like she should take some time too to observe the rooms.

Totally agree!

TashnBabii · February 2014

I'm a big believer, with just about everything from food-daycare, that if you're paying for it you should be happy with it. I wouldn't even allow my LO to be in that room for as long as you did. Those teachers should get fired! If the coordinator doesn't move him soon, I would look for a new place to go.
PS- your thought process is totally fair. You're not being ridiculous at all.

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