Need Advise from WM with 3 or 4+

DandelionAZO · February 2014

Hello. I am currently a FT WM of 3u3, and expecting our 4th in Sept. With so many in daycare, currently nearly 1/2 of my salary goes to daycare. When nubmer 4 joins us, over 1/2 will. If it matters the kids are 2.5, 2.5, 1 and due in Sept, so we have several years of daycare ahead of us.

How do you determine (mentally, emotionally, physically) when it is still "worth it" to continue working?

We currently have no debt (other than our house), contribute to college funds for the kids, and invest 15% towards retirement. Our current budget is such that MH would be able to cover all our current bills with his salary alone, but with minimal wiggle room. We'd likely have to scale back on retirement, college savings and home improvements for a few years to make this work.

FWIW, I do enjoy working, and staying current in my industry (engineering), but the thought of FT with four littles exhausts me. Ideally, I would love something part time. but in my current position it is not an option at the moment. However, with a little creativity it may be a possibility (I worked out a part time deal for #3).

So, how do you decide? Thanks for any input.

Danie (Sorry my siggie isn't working).

Lilly&Co · February 2014

I am having my 4th in 5 weeks. We have a full time nanny because it works for us and 2 of the girls are in school. I am so torn about going back to work. Financially we can easily live and live well off of my husbands salary. I work because I really like it and actually we do not use my salary at all. It automatically goes in to savings and nice vacations. I might with draw some of it if there is a splurge item i want once in a while. Like you though honestly I am torn.

jlaOK · February 2014

Butting in here as I only have 2 kids and I'm mostly likely done....

What type of engineering do you do? I'm a civil (hydraulic) engineer and I'm currently in my second PT position. I think engineering is a field that works really well with PT and WFH options.

Also, all your reasoning for quitting had to do with finances and not energy, time, etc. Based purely on finances I'd keep working if I were you. Daycare for my 2 kids is almost half of my PT salary but the extra money is well worth it and allows us to do things such as college savings and vacations.

If you are really torn about finances, I'd start doing a budget based on your husbands income and only pay daycare out of yours. See how tight it really is. Keep in mind that your 2.5-yr-old would maybe do some sort of preschool program next year if not in daycare and you'd have to factor that cost in too.

Good luck!!!!

*sparky* · February 2014

DC where I live is really expensive, so even with just two kiddos having a nanny makes more sense financially. Have you looked into that as an option?

I am sure working FT with 4 children that young would be stressful, but it also sounds like things would be pretty tight if you SAH and that is stressful as well.

Virgo17 · February 2014

I think if you enjoy working and are comfortable financially, you should continue to do so. You might consider outsourcing as much as possible. For example, cooking, cleaning, running errands, etc. could all be hired out. Perhaps, you could consider a live-in nanny or another similar arrangement.

I have three small children and it is exhausting. However, being a SAHM is exhausting too. And in five years, the kids will all be in school. If work is important to your overall emotional health, then I would start thinking of other ways in which to simplify life and focus on that.

cedenton · February 2014

I only have one. For me the more kids I had the more likely I'd be to want to work. LOL (Can you tell we're one and done? )

I'd say you should definitely check in to a nanny. For four kids it could definitely be cheaper than daycare. Find one that cooks and cleans, too, and I think that would be a perfect set up for you.

DandelionAZO · February 2014

I should have mentioned that we do have a "nanny" of sorts. All of the kids go to a sitter each day that ONLY watches them. She actually picks them up from our house (such a blessing).

We are Dave Ramsey nerds and do a budget monthly. It's hard to live off his salary when that isn't our lifestyle right now (i.e. two crazy working parent schedules).

I am an industrial engineer, which can lend itself well to PT and contact work when you find the right opportunities. Just to to find them and make the schedule work. Utilmately, I think this is the right decision for our family.

Thanks for you all of the responses. Great things to think about and ideas to simplify our life!

DandelionAZO · February 2014

kdc2007 said:

I think it's amazing that you are going to have 4u4.

Amazing or crazy. Not sure which. Nonetheless we are thrilled to add to our clan.

DandelionAZO · February 2014

PrivacyWanted said:

For us, we could afford for me to stay home without any real change in our day to day lifestyle, but it would really hurt our long term savings and set back our retirement by a large chunk (Since the 50% of my net salary I do keep goes directly into savings/retirement)

This is EXACTLY my dilema. Monthly, it stings (not to mention wears me out). Yearly it pays for the "fun" stuff, college and retirement. It lets us have flexibility with our money.

litzo27 · February 2014

I'm butting in since I'm just expecting our 3rd but I was going to bring some of the same points as above: difficulty of getting back into the workforce after several years, lost potential for salary growth, lost retirement contributions and matches, the 1/2 or even 1/3 of your salary you do get to keep.

Also I may be lacking the proper maternal gene but the thought of being home 100% of the time with two 3 year olds, a 1.5 year old and a newborn is my idea of personal hell. So no - I wouldn't quit

ebp913 · February 2014

litzo27 said:

I'm butting in since I'm just expecting our 3rd but I was going to bring some of the same points as above: difficulty of getting back into the workforce after several years, lost potential for salary growth, lost retirement contributions and matches, the 1/2 or even 1/3 of your salary you do get to keep.

Also I may be lacking the proper maternal gene but the thought of being home 100% of the time with two 3 year olds, a 1.5 year old and a newborn is my idea of personal hell. So no - I wouldn't quit

Hahaha me too. I would just go INSANE.

TigerLily12345 · February 2014

If it's about the math, it absolutely makes sense to continue working. Even if childcare takes up half your pay, that means you are still making/keeping/using the other half. That's great!

I also think these conversations should include the husband's income as well. Why does daycare only come out of "your" pay?

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