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35 and still and fence sitter

Rowansmom08Rowansmom08 member
in One & Done: Only child
I just turned 35 in August and have been going back and forth for about 2 years now. I have a 5 year old little boy. I feel so much pressure to make a decision quick because of my age. H is just kind of going along with whatever I decide. Anyone else?
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Re: 35 and still and fence sitter

  • kristenndkristennd member
    We have two whole boards for people who got pregnant after 35. They can be reassuring.

    LO's due date was my 40th birthday and I had an easier time than most of the 20-somethings on my BMB.

    There's a lot of pressure out there around age but I wouldn't use it as a reason to make a hasty decision.
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  • eyenigheyenigh member
    edited February 2014
    We went a long time until we decided that we wanted a kid so my first (and only) pregnancy was when I was 35 (had him at 36). I told my husband that if I didn't get pregnant that year, that I was done because, for me, the risks made me way too nervous. Do people older than 35 have totally healthy, normal babies? Absolutely. Could I live with the worry that something could go wrong given the higher possible risks because of my AMA? No. I just couldn't do it. I'm way too neurotic and was absolutely obsessive about every statistic available as it was. I understand the pressure to make a decision and, if you're a worrier, it may be better to try to nail down a decision sooner than later. If you took a long time to conceive the first time, that could also be a factor. Definitely check out the other boards mentioned, though.
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  • legalbeagle1legalbeagle1 member

    I'm 33 now with a 15 month old -- I can see myself turning 35 with a 3 year old and STILL being a fence sitter but am hoping I will know one way or the other by then.

    Is H just going along with whatever you deciding because you'll end up doing most of childcare anyway or just because he can see pros and con to one or two?  We're probably OAD because I can't imagine my husband wanting to share the workload of #2 and I don't want another one badly enough to take on the whole burden.

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  • Rowansmom08Rowansmom08 member
    H really wants another one, but he will be willing to go alog with what I say because I'm the one who is going through the pregnancy. I just cant decide. Its torture.
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  • eyenigheyenigh member
    edited February 2014
    TarHeelMomToBe said:
    I was almost 36 when I became pregnant with DD, so technically I was AMA.  The OB told me that the only difference in my pregnancy treatment was that I would get a level 2 ultrasound for the anatomy scan so they could check for any issues in more detail.  I also was given the option for an NT scan, which my insurance covered due to my age of 35+.  

    Your risk level doesn't suddenly go up drastically at 35 or 40 -- there's a higher risk of age related issues at 25 than there is at 20.  I was worried about how my body would deal with pregnancy, but it actually rejuvenated me and made me feel younger and have more energy.  

    After my experience being pregnant with DD, I am happy to leave the option open for another for a few years (though we are most likely one and done).  
    This is true, but it's the numbers that start changing. It's not like you go from having no risk to high risk overnight-- Ii's like playing the lottery. Using the odds for Downs Syndrome as an example but thinking of it like the lottery:

    When you're 25 and your chances of winning are 1 in 1250, you think, eh, I'll never win.
    When you're 30 and your odds are like 1 in 950, it's still like, eh, that's a big pool.
    If you're 36 and your odds are around 1 in 200, you might think, hey, I've got a chance, there's a lot less people in the pool. Unfortunately, when it comes to having babies, you don't want to win like that. It's definitely a bit more dramatic jump from 30 to 36 than from 25 to 30.

    Again, for some people, that isn't a big risk and they're willing to take the chance-- and for some those things don't matter anyway. In combination with the testing that they can do to get a more accurate statistical outlook, sometimes you end up with having terrible odds of having a child with Downs or a trisomy issue (in this case you want a 1 in 15,000!) so that can give you a bit more confidence but it is something to consider.
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  • EMarieMeEMarieMe member
    @Eyenigh, that's how I thought about it too. Also for me, was the autism issue. We don't know what causes autism really, but there's an age correlation. I'm in my early 30's and hubs is in his 40's. H is developing normally so far but the risks are there. It's one of many reasons we are done. I'm not saying "Don't do it!" , but I for one think it's okay to evaluate the odds and make and informed decision.
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  • amie444amie444 member
    Okay, I am going to jump in.  Yes, there are percentages for everything.  I have been pregnant 2 in my life and both after 40. ( wasn't actively trying either times) Once was a MMC (due to Trisomy 18) and the other was a healthy happy baby.  My niece( no blood relation) who is 27 just had a late loss(20 weeks) due to trisomy 18.  It can happen.  Not saying go have another kid but don't blame it on your age.  I would definitely go look at the Over 35 boards and ask many many questions.  

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