Update - Bad Day

Lemonsparrow · February 2014

So I'm not having such a good day today. This Monday was my first day back at work since the miscarriage last week on Tuesday and while I think it's good for me to be keeping busy, I feel like I am just going through the motions of living after m/c without really feeling it. (If that makes any sense) I am particularly sad today probably because I work at a family clinic and just saw a patient who is 5 months pregnant with her second child and all I could keep thinking is that I wish that that had been me. As far as my health goes I am still bleeding and passing clots. The cramps seem to have subsided for now which is great but today I have a killer headache. I have also found out that I am now anemic (no doubt due to all of the bleeding). That is certainly not helping with my energy problems. I so just want all of this to be over with so I can move on with my life and gain some sense of normalcy. Hopefully when I see my doctor for a follow up on Friday all will be well and I will be close to getting the all clear to TTC again.

Sweetpea513 · February 2014

Lemonsparrow - I too suffered my second miscarriage last Tuesday at 12 weeks. Yesterday was my first day back and I managed to get through the day but it was hard holding it together minute by minute. My first miscarriage came in Sept. at 6 weeks. Tuesday we hit the 12 week mark and I started spotting. I decided to take the day from work and see the doctor. I went in and they told me my baby's heart stopped beating about a week ago. The doc scheduled a D&C for Friday. Approximately 2 hours later, it felt like the flood gates opened (sorry if tmi). Thank God a friend was at home with me because I hemorrhaged and had to be taken to the ER. After watching my blood pressure drop quickly, the doc preformed an emergency D&C. I have had some cramping since and spotting which the doc said could continue for up to two weeks. I see the doctor again on Tuesday. I understand the pain you are in. There are several people where I work who are pregnant and although I am happy for them, I cannot help but think that should be me. I try to stay positive but it isn't easy. Hugs to you!

Kalidawn523 · February 2014

I too understand feeling like you are just going through the movements. My memory has been crap and I've made some small mistakes at work but since I work in ICU it's been noticeable. I'm trying to get my groove back but it's hard. I'm hoping that you start feeling better soon and get to a place that is a little more tolerable.

kate6214 · February 2014

Sorry the first day back was so rough. I hope things get better

Sweetpea513 · February 2014

Kate6214 - I hope that your D&C was done with very little pain. I am very happy for all my friends and coworkers who are having babies, but I would love to have a baby too. Everyone keeps saying it will happen in God's time and you know this is nature's way of telling you something is wrong. I understand all that but it still sucks - plain and simple. Know that you ladies are in my prayers.

NaomiM87 · February 2014

I'm so sorry for you loss!! I am also not 100% myself. The headaches and body aches have started to get a little better but still get nauseous.

elisemays · February 2014

I'm so sorry - this was also my 2nd miscarriage, I currently have no children. I think this time hurts so much worse because it was twins and we felt like God was giving us back the one we'd lost, and once we saw the heartbeats we felt like everything would be okay. I keep trying to tell myself that they wouldn't have been healthy or had a good quality of life, but it just kills me that thousands of people are getting abortions every year or having accidental pregnancies, or giving them up for adoption - I don't want that to sound insensitive because I am pro-choice, it just makes me sad when there's women like us that want them so badly and it's just so easy for some people, and that for some of those people it's 'not the right time' or considered an inconvenience. That was a very generalized statement and I know it came off insensitive - I know there are circumstances in every situation, and I am grateful for adoptions because that may be God's plan for some of us, so hopefully everyone understands where I'm coming from.

Long story short, it's hard not to be mad at the world right now. It's not fair. We shouldn't have to go through this. And it's just plain cruel that not only do we have to lose our children, but it has to be physically painful on top of all of the emotional turmoil we're already going through. One of my friends sent me this, and in the few positive moments I've had this week it's brought me comfort:

"An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth,
Then whispered as she closed the book,
"Too beautiful for Earth"

T&P's for all of us during this horrific time.

Sweetpea513 · February 2014

Elisemays - no need to apologize because I, too, have those feelings at times. I watch people who get pregnant without trying or people who had no desire to get pregnant. We spend so much of our time younger trying not to get pregnant until we know we are ready. Now that we are ready, it seems like there is always an obstacle.

I have been going to a fertility doctor since April. It may not be as long as others, but after two IUIs, both ending in miscarriage, I'm not sure how much more I can take. I will do whatever I have to do to bring a child into this world. To be a wife and a mother has been my dream since I was a child. Hugs to you all!

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