Did anyone else formerly believe they never wanted kids?

wtfisup · November 2013

My husband and I have been together for ten years, but we spent most of our relationship DEFINITELY NOT WANTING KIDS. Ever. Everrrrrrrrr. And we swore to every human who asked us that we'd never change our minds.

And, like many humans before us, we changed our minds. And thus we're super ecstatic and preparing to go public in a couple of weeks. I'm wondering if we're going to get a lot of, "I thought you guys didn't want kids!" responses. If we do, we'll suck it up; we did say that. For years. But, of course, it would be great if folks didn't, just saw that we obviously are excited to be having one now.

Everyone on the board seems to fall into the "always wanted kids" camp. Any others who were formerly waving proud childfree flags?

wtfisup · November 2013

MegK82 said:

The whole time I was growing up I said I'd have none and if I ever had any I'd NEVER have more than one. I'm about to have my fourth. Children are addicting. You just always want one more. At least in my experience.

Ah. Like tattoos.

(Half kidding.)

Shellann1 · November 2013

Not me.
Didn't want them at all

DH before we met almost got a visectomy in his 20s

Then girl met boy fell in love
Girl saw that guy was the sweetest soul
Girl wanted kids with boy lol

(I can't speak for how he changed his mind)

wtfisup · November 2013

@MegK82, did you get any, "But I thought you said ...!" when you had the first one?

Gardenergirl131 · November 2013

I didn't think I wanted any, when I started to think about it, my bf at the time was like absolutely not, so I convinced myself no. I told all my friends and family and then focused on my education and career. At 35, baby fever hit hard and I felt like I couldn't tell anyone! I left my bf! I met the man of my dreams and we instantly knew we were soul mates. After 2-3 dates, we were out to dinner and I just looked at him and said, I love you and this has been great fun, but I really want to have a baby and if that's not what you want then this needs to end now! I shocked the hell out if myself! It's amazing how things go, we married not long after & are now expecting baby #1!!!!!!

chaysefaith · November 2013

Yes and no. I wanted kids and had them very young by two different assholes. After that I never wanted any more. I told my bf when we first started dating that if he wanted kids of his own this relationship was not the one for him. And then he turned out be freaking amazing and I would do anything for him. Sooo...here I am. Having another baby.

Luna C · November 2013

Well, you didn't want them then. So you didn't have them then. Now you want them, and you're having one. Makes perfect sense to me and I don't see why you'd have to explain that to anyone.

We were definitely ambivalent about the issue for a long time. I wanted a kid more then he did, but came along for the ride since I was running out of time. Once we got the BFP I think we both realized how much we wanted it -- much more than we had realized.

wtfisup · November 2013

Shellann1 said:

Not me. Didn't want them at all DH before we met almost got a visectomy in his 20s Then girl met boy fell in love Girl saw that guy was the sweetest soul Girl wanted kids with boy lol (I can't speak for how he changed his mind)

I get this. For us, I don't think we ever decided, "We want kids!" But it was, "I want a kid with you."

diagonalley · November 2013

My one friend growing up always said she never wanted kids. She got married at 23 and 2 years later had her first, closely followed by her second. She seems perfectly happy with her choice of being a mother as she is now a SAHM and blogs about it/tweets about it all. the. time.

k2k2tog · November 2013

My husband and I were in a really weird place about kids for a long time. He felt that having kids would pretty much ruin our lives... no more sleep, no more money, no more spontaneity, and kids needing attention all the time. He's not that fond of kids... He always insisted though, that someday he did want kids because he felt like it was something he would regret not doing many years in the future.

I got to a 'ready' point long before he did, I think, but listening to how he talked about it, I kind of told myself we wouldn't be having kids for a very long time. I didn't want to have babies with someone who thought they would ruin his life! But, something clicked in the past few months, and when a few things came up that made right now the best timing, he was 100% on board and excited.

lifeisbetteronthered · November 2013

I didn't plan on ever getting married, or having kids. I'd dated a couple of guys "long term" and lived with one, and never wanted to be married. I assumed I just "wasn't the marrying type".

Then I met DH. It quickly went from "I want to be with him", to "I want to be married to him", to "I want to have his child". And now we're pregnant with our second.

I loved my life before, and I still love and value my career, but I love my husband and daughter so much more. My life really is fuller then I ever expected.

flerlgirl · November 2013

I didn't want any until I married DH

babygabe614 · November 2013

Let me put it this way, my coworkers have on more than one occassion (jokingly) called me the "baby hater." Obviously, this is a bit dramatic but I have never been very fond of babies or children, I am never the one asking to hold someone's baby when they bring him/her into the office, and I don't tend to do well if left alone to watch someone's kid and entertain them for more than like 30 seconds. It's always been a running joke so I am sure there will be a lot of shocked faces when I spill the beans at work. That being said, I cannot wait to start my family with my husband. Like some PP's said, I never wanted them before but my husband makes me want them with HIM. I have the luxury of already knowing what an amazing dad he is because I have an 8 year old stepson and I see hubby's adoration of his son all the time. He is everything I would want in a father for my children, and that is what made me change my mind.

bumpuser9343355 · November 2013

I was always pretty adamant about not having kids. I teach junior high and used that as an excuse (I mean, I have some great kids, but teenagers can be a complete PITA), but then it all started to change kind of suddenly and it became not "if" we have kids, but "when" we have kids. I'm sure we will get some surprised reactions from some people, but it is what it is!

wtfisup · November 2013

flerlgirl said:

I didn't want any until I married DH

Because you knew he was going to make the most gleeful babies? Your kid is adorable. Did you just tell him he won at life?

sans · November 2013

We were so adamant about not having kids that our wedding favor was a donation to an organization that educates people about limiting population growth. I'm sure that went over really well and we didn't look like freaks or anything. A couple years ago I talked to a friend in med school about all my options for permanent birth control and she begged me not to do it yet in case I changed my mind, and I laughed so hard but decided to put it off for a while. There are going to be a lot of surprised friends out there.

SarahS11 · November 2013

We always said no kids for us... travel instead! Then the baby fever hit! We found when we announced, people were more thrilled that we had actually changed our mind rather than asking questions! I can't say I haven't had my "Oh S***! How do I raise a kid!" moment or two...

AnnaKaie · November 2013

My and my husband did not want kids. Never did want them. Then 2 years ago we had a false alarm. I was scared he was going to panic. He didn't. He was wonderful. So much more than I ever thought. That is what kicked in the baby fever for me. He took more time to think and talk about it. But in the end he wanted a baby.

alicatand · November 2013

I got married right out of college and always swore up and down I'd never have kids. Well, he was an uber jerk and I finally came to my sense in my late 20s that I REALLY REALLY wanted to be a mom, and he was not the right partner. I left him and spent a few years yearning for a wonderful man and baby of my own . . . then I met my current DH and we started trying THE DAY we got married.

Anyway, yes, I have had a lot of people who knew me in my "past life" say, "Wow, I never thought you wanted kids!" While I know I brought it on myself by advertising how much I didn't want them, I'll admit it hurts my feelings a little and I like to be dramatic and think they are really saying, "Oh wow, I never thought you wanted kids because you'd be a terrible mother!"

But, of course, they are just people who've known me a long time who are being curious. Pretty much everyone knows now how badly my DH and I want a baby and when asked, I would just say things change when you meet the right person

.

mommyof2boys922 · November 2013

As a child I always wanted to adopt and never get married, lol.
Then I got pregnant at 16 and wouldn't change any of it in a million years!

colllydon · November 2013

Me. Never wanted children. I wanted a career and to travel. It is even a running joke in my family that my dog is the grand pup, because they knew they were never getting kids from me. Life is what happens when your busy making other plans I guess. All of a sudden last year, it became all we wanted. And yes, I have to eat my words everytime someone finds out I'm pregnant. "Oh I thought you didn't want kids..."

BMaidPlanner · February 2014

I never wanted kids. H always did, we knew this about eachother when we married and he was in no rush so it didn't come up much, at least the first 5 years. I googled a lot in the past year or two ("never wanted kids, might want them now", "not a kid person wanting kids") and talked to many friends because I felt on the fence. Everyone insisted I'd be an incredible Mother but supported my decision either way. Only one friend admitted that if she had the marriage I did to a husband who wants kids for reasons she found so touching, she would have had them already. I understood.

More than not wanting kids, I just felt so horribly indifferent. I couldn't properly articulate my reasons either way. It's also tricky because besides my office job, I am also a performer with a lot of obligations in that sense. I didn't want people to think I was finally "giving up" my dreams and going to have kids instead, as silly as that sounds. The truth is though, there will have to be sacrifice. I just know that when I decided, I've wanted this baby ever since.

It does not make me any less terrified! Sometimes it's hard not knowing what my future is going to look like because it used to be a series of work/rehearsals/comedy gigs/fit modeling appts/voice over gigs/auditions/more work and a lot of that will have to change. I don't have any close friends in state that have kids (most are not married either) so I can't compare it to someone "in my situation" and see what they did. Going to be a brand new adventure.

SecondTimeinMSU · February 2014

I always knew in my mind I wanted kids but part of me definitely felt like kids weren't meant for me since I just didn't feel like I had the first clue how to take care of a child. I always avoided holding people's random babies they brought in and now I was going to have to hold a baby all the time? I felt kids were tiring in small doses and suddenly one was going to run my household?! I baby sit my nephew and I swear he'd cry the whole time no matter what I did so I felt like he clearly sensed I was not mom material. But I agree with MegK that is totally is different when it is your kid. I am actually that person he adores and runs to. There are so many million special moments with your own kid that make up for the tiring ones. Like the highlight of my kid's day is to see the lobsters and drink from the drinking fountain at meijer. I've learned a lot more about joy in simple pleasures. As much as I love to travel and big things like that you can only travel a couple times a year vs making every day exciting over little things that kids can do. Plus he has no idea that DH and I have no clue what we are doing and totally make it up as we go along.

justme04 · February 2014

Growing up and dating I didn't want kids. I didn't want kids until I started dating my DH and it wasn't even that he wanted kids and I got talked into. It was just that while we were dating something in me changed and I wanted to have children.

I want to add that I love kids they are great I just didn't always want my own.

wtfisup · February 2014

I think people in this boat -- the "not kid-people" -- are the kind I most want to make friendships with as parents. Because while I'm pumped about our kid, I still don't want to talk to friends about parenting techniques and advice. I don't give a crap about nurseries or decorations. I'm no interested in co-opting a new "mommy" identity. H and I are still pretty firmly about securing our identities as much as possible, at least after the first six months or so. Our parents' generations didn't make life all about the kid(s), nor did any of the generations before us. It feels like, in the U.S., you're expected to become 100% SUSIE'S PARENT or you're eeeeviiilllll. Of course you prioritize the kid at times, but not always and not in the child-centric way modern parenting media has tried to advertise as ubiquitous. We want to continue being the people we are, but with a child we love dearly.

So in short, I like hearing about you guys.

LKHoffa · February 2014

It's not that I grew up "wanting" children, it was more that I just expected I would have them at some point. I got excited when we actually decided to start trying... and then infertility. (Dun dun dunnnn.) Maybe the year+ wait was what I needed to be really ready (easy to say in hindsight!) but I can definitely understand not havin the "baby" gene that makes your uterus ache at the sight of a child. I'm not that way still!

temursgirl · February 2014

wtfisup said:

I think people in this boat -- the "not kid-people" -- are the kind I most want to make friendships with as parents. Because while I'm pumped about our kid, I still don't want to talk to friends about parenting techniques and advice. I don't give a crap about nurseries or decorations. I'm no interested in co-opting a new "mommy" identity. H and I are still pretty firmly about securing our identities as much as possible, at least after the first six months or so. Our parents' generations didn't make life all about the kid(s), nor did any of the generations before us. It feels like, in the U.S., you're expected to become 100% SUSIE'S PARENT or you're eeeeviiilllll. Of course you prioritize the kid at times, but not always and not in the child-centric way modern parenting media has tried to advertise as ubiquitous. We want to continue being the people we are, but with a child we love dearly.

So in short, I like hearing about you guys.

This is me and also one of the reasons I wasn't always into the idea of having kids. I've definitely seen those people who get consumed by the parent role, lose themselves, and think doing otherwise is wrong. I think maintaining your own identity is good, even essential, for your child.

I always liked the idea of being pregnant, but I don't love all kids (I mean, they're people, do you like all adults? Why would I like ALL kids?), and never thought I really wanted parenthood. It's definitely a case of wanting a baby with DH for me. In a lot of ways I'm a very conventional person, so these aren't feelings I've shared with people, and no one has made any comments except one very rude lady telling me I'm not "cut out to be a mother."

My mom was a SAHM and frankly wasn't great at the typical parenting things. She did often randomly take me with her when she was going somewhere for her own entertainment that were not places people take kids: gallery openings, museums, concerts, fancy luncheons, jewelry shows, shopping (like for clothes, at high end stores), etc. These activities actually really benefitted me in the long run, and even as a kid. At an early age I knew how to behave just about anywhere, I was never at all shy, and I learned to genuinely enjoy those activities. Now I belong to an art society, and I attribute my interest to those early experiences.

momof5sept18 · February 2014

@wtfisup I always said after DS2 I'd never have anymore kids. Low and behold, LO#3 will be here in June. A few family membera brought up "I thought you said you weren't ever having anymore?" which they're right, I did say that, but things change and as do mind settings and I can't wait to meet this LO! And already couldn't picture my life without adding to our family.

b48kate · February 2014

Glad this thread got resurrected...

I don't come from a very child-happy family. My parents were the only people in their generation to have any children. I have no cousins. My sister and I were always the only two children amongst large numbers of adults. In fact, my parents may have not ever had children had my sister and I not been complete accidents. My father is pretty candid about the fact the he never wanted children at all...the man is just not a kid person. Of course, he says he never really thought about how much he would enjoy having "adult children" (this is something I am really looking forward to as well).

So, I just assumed that if I ever had a child it would be the way my mom and sister conceived their first, unwed and accidental! As fate would have it, my meticulous birth control management and the excellent work my parents did at pounding the phrase "No glove, no love" paid off! I went to college, traveled extensively, poured myself into my first career and partied like a rockstar....my twenties were fun city! The idea of intentionally making a baby never crossed my mind. In my early thirties I career-changed and focused all my efforts on nursing school.

Only at 35 did some strange biological urge take over my mind and body. No one was more surprised than me when the dreaded "baby fever" hit. It hit hard! Can't fully explain it but I just had to have a baby...and I was getting a baby come hell or high water. Started charting and after two months of trying - boom!

Never had the problem with people asking if it was an accident because I was pretty candid abut the fact I was trying. I have very little filter.

theamandapanda · February 2014

Beat them to the punch with an announcement that jokes about how you never wanted kids. I like this one:

hollyfp · February 2014

Another. I said clearly that I didn't want kids until < 2 yrs ago... DH did want them I think but was fine waiting patiently. Luckily I did "come around".
My reason was mainly that the world is fked up and I would feel guilt bringing a kid into it. With uncertainties about the future of the planet... crazy evil people... overpopulation, etc. Super negative outlook I know haha.
I have always liked kids - babysat a lot in HS etc., but just didn't want the responsibility for myself. We also liked our freedom and being DINKs. I miss it already a bit! Budget... what!?

jshrop · February 2014

I had baby fever at 24-ish, but it wasn't the right time for us. Then about 27 I decided no kids for us. Hubs didn't want them either. We loved traveling and our careers, so it just made sense that we'd love up the nieces and nephews but remain child-less ourselves. We've been together 14 years. When we found out we were pregnant it was the shock of our lives-- and for our families. When people say "I thought you didn't want kids," my response is simply "oops!" It's usually brief and blunt enough to make people understand it's really none of their business.

BMaidPlanner · February 2014

wtfisup said:

I think people in this boat -- the "not kid-people" -- are the kind I most want to make friendships with as parents. Because while I'm pumped about our kid, I still don't want to talk to friends about parenting techniques and advice. I don't give a crap about nurseries or decorations. I'm no interested in co-opting a new "mommy" identity. H and I are still pretty firmly about securing our identities as much as possible, at least after the first six months or so. Our parents' generations didn't make life all about the kid(s), nor did any of the generations before us. It feels like, in the U.S., you're expected to become 100% SUSIE'S PARENT or you're eeeeviiilllll. Of course you prioritize the kid at times, but not always and not in the child-centric way modern parenting media has tried to advertise as ubiquitous. We want to continue being the people we are, but with a child we love dearly.

So in short, I like hearing about you guys.

This. We are very similar. Thanks for this thread too. I spent years without a single person to relate to about any of this!

Mrs.C.V. · February 2014

We've been together 13 years and never wanted kids. We are parents to dogs, and horses, have lots of nephews to love on, and loved our freedom. Then a few years ago we started to think that we'd like to have a small family, one kid. So we tried for two years and nothing. Then we went to the fertility clinic and found out I wasn't able to conceive naturally and should consider IVF. I thought, Well I guess that's a sign! Back to no kids. And then almost a year after being told I couldn't conceive - I conceived! That was a surprise! I didn't realize how much I wanted a kid until I found out I was pregnant.

Want a personalized experience?

Did anyone else formerly believe they never wanted kids?

Re: Did anyone else formerly believe they never wanted kids?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards