Bad responses to natural birth plan?

Arinias · February 2014

Hey every one! So I am a FTM and entering into my L&D with the idea that I want to do a natural birth but if I end up getting pain meds or even an epi I am not going to beat myself up about it, especially if I end up with a long or difficult labor. However, I have found when I mention to people that I want to try a natural birth I have gotten a lot of bad responses. My sister flat out told me I was stupid for not using the drugs, that is what they are there for. I have also been told by multiple people "trust me, you will want the drugs". Even my wonderful DH has told me he does not think I can handle a natural birth. I know he isn't trying to be unsupportive but he really doesn't think I can handle the pain. My Mom is the only one who has been remotely supportive. All this has left me doubting my plan and I am starting think maybe I should just take the epi and make my life easier. At the same time though I feel like women are made to give birth and despite the pain it would be worth it to go without medication and not have to worry about any side effects. I am also leaning towards hiring a doula but again questioning this if I really don't think I can stick with a natural birth, although I know she would be supportive either way. Has any one else had bad reactions to their natural birth plan? Any BTDT mamas willing to share their experiences? TIA!

Kinipela7 · February 2014

People will always have an opinion - do what you want to do, but make sure you prepare yourself for it beforehand!

kat8805 · February 2014

And the opinions of those other people matter, because they are totes the one whose going to push your kid out, and care for it? Meh. I went elective CS, but I think it is so rude of people to push their opinion and agenda on other moms. If you have doubts, let them be because of valid research and causes, not because "so and so said so". I think your plan sounds very realistic. My mother had two easy natural births, and didn't even think about an epi until her third, when she was induced due to us living over an hour from her Dr's hospital, and even then they offered it, and she said "sure, why not?" I think it's smart of you to go in with certain hopes, but with other reasonable expectations and assumptions of what can happen. Do what you feel comfortable with.

rainydayluck · February 2014

Why is it anyone's business? I'm not sure why you need to discuss it with anyone besides your husband and anyone else who will be in the room.

That+One+Girl · February 2014

It seams like lots of people want to scare moms. I am a ftm so I don't know what it will be like but I am getting as much information as I can to make my decisions.
If you don't have many people who support you I would say a doula sounds awesome as she will support you with whatever you choose.
Good luck and you can do it!

momo214 · February 2014

I am in the exact same situation. My best friend is a L&D aid and my other best friend has an 18 month old and a had a difficult birth with him. They both asked me about getting the epi and I told then basically ill give it my best shot without it but I'm not against getting it if needed. I had the exact same response... "Just get it. You'll need it. Just plan on having it. Why pass it up. It's safe." OMG!!! Just let me do it how I want. Like a PP said my mother did it without an epi just fine and women for centuries have done the same. Geez! If I can do it, I will, if not, I'll take the drugs. Any yai yai! I feel ya girl!!

Lild09 · February 2014

Every women is different and handles pain differently. Every birth is different. Be informed of all your choices and it'll make making a decision at that time easier! Anyways your plan sounds realistic ( then again that's basically my plan!)

getitdone · February 2014

I am going to try natural but am open to the meds if needed. The only person who knows is DH. We are not telling anyone because we do not think it is anyone else's business.

NorthernGal248 · February 2014

Well your support group sucks! You should do whatever YOU want to do. Do some reading on natural births, bring some articles and have them do some reading, too. Natural births happen ALL the time, it's being happening for thousands of years now.

I personally don't feel comfortable with having an epi and am planning to go to a birth center. They don't have any type of meds, but have tons of experience with stress and pain relief using movement and relaxation. When I think of natural birth I'm thinking water, music, massage, breathing. It seems that your family thinks lay on your back and push in agony is natural labor.

edit - I wanted to add that there is a natural birth group on tb! You can lurk around and maybe ask some questions

awc1986 · February 2014

Do whatever's best for you. If you want to try a natural birth then go for it. As long as you're not referring to those wilderness births that crazy people do, then do what you want.

I'm firmly in the "give me all the drugs" camp. I have a very low pain threshold and will need some help. I will be researching all the avenues available and choosing what's right for me.

Just remember that your birth might not go to plan!

jenb_99 · February 2014

Keep your plans to yourself, and people can't comment on them. They'll still offer annoying unsolicited advice, but at least it won't be in direct response to your choices.

Also don't forget to research alternative scenarios. Sometimes the baby has its own ideas, so you need to be prepared for things not to go your way. I never had a desire to go natural, but I did have my heart set on lightly medicated birth with minimal interventions, and it just wasn't possible. I ended up having a c-section. I ended up loving it and happily chose to repeat the experience, but I was completely unprepared for it and experienced a lot of unnecessary fear at first because of my ignorance and refusal to consider it as a possibility.

frasey · February 2014

I never thought I particularly wanted a natural birth. I mean, I wasn't going to head straight for the epi or anything, but I was pretty sure I'd want it sooner rather than later. But that didn't happen. I had a unplanned natural birth at home, and it was way easier than I'd imagined it would be. I never once thought I needed anything for the pain. I surprised myself, and even my mom said to me after "wow, Im so surprised! you have such a low pain tolerance but blew thru that no problem!"

As PPs said, you have to do whats right for you, and I actaully think its crazy that anyone asks about your birth plan! Id just laugh it off and say "I'll see how I feel at the time" or something. Do what you think is best, and be open to whatever in the situation.

yvanehtnioj · February 2014

I agree with people who say just stop telling people your plans. Even if they ask, probably best to be as vague as possible. I have found that when it comes to parenting/birthing/whatever discussions, people get defensive pretty quickly if your choice is something that's perceived as "better" (or more succinctly, when it's assumed you think you're better for choosing it).

sisterjanet · February 2014

If you're thinking you might want a doula, you should probably look into that asap. I get the impression they book up and we're all either in the third trimester or nearly there.

If you haven't done much reading or research about natural birth, I would think that would help you decide what you really want to do and give you some idea of how it would be. You said you're open to pain meds if you end up needing them, which is a smart outlook, but there's nothing wrong with wanting to try without them, and I get the impression a doula would help a lot with supporting you through the intensity of labor without feeling so overwhelmed. (I never had one, but some of the ladies on this board did and speak highly of them.)

IBackBevo · February 2014

Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has them and they all stink.

I don't care how you or anyone else births their baby. If you want to birth it on a pile of leaves holding on to a tree trunk, go for it. If you want an elective c/s, go for it. The only thing I will ever correct or "school" anyone on is if they seem to be basing their decisions on inaccurate information just because the one thing I do think is that everyone should do is make informed decisions about their birth.

Edit: And, fyi, people will judge you the other way, too. I'm on a couple of vbac boards and I have seen plenty of judging on the other end of the spectrum, too.

jjh471 · February 2014

I have no advice for you except my friend did it 3 times completely natural. She never had a problem

andoll8 · February 2014

your body. your baby. your family. your decision.

do what you feel is good and right for you and yours. all other opintions are irrevalent.

i suggest a heart-to-heart with your DH because his support will be critical to your confidence.

good luck!

jfletcher3113 · February 2014

Agree with the PPs about it being your decision and any judgment on any decision you make related to childbirth is just ridiculous.

I am a FTM and I am also having a natural birth unless there is some medically-sound reason they need to take other measures.

The best advice I got from a mom who went natural with her kids was this: You have to go in with the mindset that you are going natural, no exceptions, no listening to naysayers.

I wouldn't listen to anyone about natural birth except those who have been through it. I'm not even really telling that many people I'm doing it because I don't want the negativity.

Also I'm reading an Ina May Gaskin book right now and I totally am IN LOVE with this quote from Stephen King about pain. I think about it every day to remind me to read the positive stories about childbirth and ignore the people who think going drug-free is "crazy".

"Believe me: if you are told that some experience is going to hurt, it will hurt. Most pain is in the mind, and when a woman absorbs the idea that the act of giving birth is excruciatingly painful--when she gets this information from her mother, her sisters, her married friends, and her physician--that woman has been mentally prepared to feel great agony."

I highly recommend this book if you want some positive support for your decision. It's called "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth". So far, I am really enjoying it.

Edited: missing a word

Laurab1686 · February 2014

I second the Ina May book recommendation! Super helpful!

another that I have found is the Hypnobirthing method books. It really kind of resonates with the statement u made about our bodies being made for this so u may want to check it out.

On another note, ppl r stupid and don't let anyone sway u and DH in your plan (obv not including your medical professionals

. It also sounds like DH might benefit from reading some of these as well so he can be more encouraging and supportive to u as well. I was also looking into a doula but they r really pricy in my area. my hubs is currently reading a book called "The Birth Partner" which he has been finding really useful in giving him info on how to be supportive and useful during a natural birth and any birth for that matter. If your guy is a reader it might b worth a look!

Pinkinboca · February 2014

Whatever you feel is best for you & baby is exactly what you should do

It's also great that you're going into it open minded & are willing to deviate from your plan if it gets to be too much!

Storrmys · February 2014

So the best made plans don't always work out and its nobody's business how you birth your baby.
I personally with my first wanted all the drugs they could give me for pain !!! I got nothing .. I labored to fast to get anything for pain .. I was fine and recovered quickly .. now I remember having pain but have forgotten it at the same time ..

Women give birth all the time with no epi .. so do it the way you feel best.

hsal · February 2014

Birth plans are dumb because let's be honest, you have no control. The baby will decide. I was open to drugs/pain meds but I progressed so fast there was no time and I ended up delivering naturally. Lots of women deliver naturally and you are already in the right mind frame that whatever happens, happens and if you need them you'll take them. I'm sure you will be fine!

If I could go completely natural (and then make my husband hold my hand while they gave me a shot after the delivery- ha!), you'll be fine!

JAM85 · February 2014

I have the same reactions- both my SILs had CS that were elective, my MiL keeps throwing out how se had my DH natural and was so happy to have his brother with drugs and how I would regret it. Then my DH is also not understanding why I wouldn't want drugs (he supports me fully though and isn't crunchy like I am) and at dinner one night with his family his cousin who is like 23 was just like- I want all the drugs immediately!! I just smile and nod and say this is my choice and what I want. My mom supports me- she is also a pediatrician though. I have always been independent though so I don't give a rats ass what anyone else thinks this is my body, my birth, my pain and I will manage it how I want. In fact all those comments just kind of rile up my competitive side to prove them wrong- likely in the end what will get me through is my own stupid ego and stubbornness

All you can do is go in with an idea of what you want and then take it from there knowing nothing is set in stone.

pistolpackinmomma · February 2014

See and I would use the comments as motivation. But....I like to prove people wrong. I think that's what's kept me strong in the team green camp this time.

lavendergiraffes · February 2014

I am getting the same responses and I still don't understand why people ask that. Why is that an ok thing to ask someone? But, as I've learned, apparently being pregnant means that people have an open invitation to ask you whatever they want. I have started to use it as motivation to prove people wrong (not why I originally decided I wanted to). I have the opposite though, my dh is very supportive and says I can do it and my mom thinks I can't. I am also getting a doula for extra support (and support for dh) and I highly recommend getting one. However, like someone else said, get on it now cause I just booked mine last week and struggled bc many were taken. It doesn't hurt to interview people and see if you like some.

MissLadyTay · February 2014

If you are getting negativity about your (valid and reasonable) choices, stop sharing your plans. If someone asks you about how you're going to give birth, be vague or tell them you don't want to talk about it. I think most people just want an excuse to share their own stories and talk about themselves. If you smile and nod and give them that chance they'll chill.

cnbean · February 2014

I think that if you go into labor prepared for natural birth, then you have a much better chance of actually doing it. If you go into it with the idea of "I'll go til I need pain meds", then it seems so much more likely you'll end up with them. I would suggest reading some books about natural birth and reminding yourself of why you want that experience. I would also say to go get a doula. Lots of women use them even for medicated birth.

I'll also just say that I never felt like my labor was painful. I was in labor for about 30 hrs and never once felt like I wanted pain meds. It was hard work and very intense, but I never felt like it was painful.

annabeanybee · February 2014

I had a doula and a med-free birth with DS, and am planning to do it again, for whatever that's worth. Even my Dr told me to get an epidural and not "be a hero", but I went ahead and did it how I wanted. It was great, and I would have done it again the next day. I was happy that I went with my instinct for what was best for me.

glowworm0166 · February 2014

I had a very similar plan for my first pregnancy. I wanted to go natural but I was willing to change my plans if need be. A lot of people gave me grief for it and/or looked at me like I was nuts but I wanted to go natural for my own reasons - mostly because I have extremely low blood pressure and was worried that the epi would lower it even more and lead to a c-section. So I thought, why not try. DH was supportive but when I told my Dr my plan she looked at me in complete seriousness and said "It really hurts." She wasn't talking down to me, I think she just wanted me to know what I was getting myself into. She also told me that the only time it was too late to get an epidural was when the baby's head was out. So that just made me want to try even more. I know different Drs have different policies on this so ask about the epi policy for your hospital so you know when you need to make the call.

Long story short I was in active labor for about 15.5 hours but pushed for only 20 min and did it all without an epi or any other pain medication. I didn't have a doula (although I think one may have been helpful) and I didn't take any special classes besides a normal 3 session birth class beforehand. Did it "really hurt"? Absolutely. Did I insist that they check me (I was 8 cm at the time) because I was to the point of asking for the epi if I wasn't going to have DS in the VERY near future? Definitely. At the end of the day, I think you need to try to do what you want to. Sit down with DH and tell him your reasons for why you want to try to go natural and ask him to support you because you will probably need it during labor. I was told the majority of women that go in with the "I'll see" mentality end up with an epi but obviously not all of them do! Good luck with whatever you decide!

Arinias · February 2014

Just wanted to say thanks everyone for the responses! I think I am going to stick with my plan, it is just nice to hear some support for it. I did have an interview with a doula who I really liked, we just have not committed due to finances. I think she is worth it, but we also have a lot of bigger things to purchase for baby so I have been on the fence about it. I will definitely have to talk to DH about natural birth some more and I think I will look for some more books on it for both of us. I actually got Ina Mayas book for my friend who is planning a natural home birth but neglected to get a copy for myself, now I am thinking I will pick one up or check the library.

annabeanybee · February 2014

I know I've said this before, but just to reiterate - if finances are an issue, you can usually find a doula in training who will do it for roughly 50% of the price.

Another thing to keep in mind, which really helped me avoid an epidural, is that once you're dilated to 7/8 centimeters, the contractions don't really get any stronger. So if you can make it to that point without meds, you're good. I went from 3 to 9 cm in one contraction, and I knew that I had reached my limit - I could keep it up at that level, but couldn't handle anything more. Once they told me I was at 9 cm, I was fine.

And Ina May is awesome.

Jillzy86 · February 2014

I plan on a natural birth. I say go for it! The truth is there are some things we have complete control over and there are something we do not. I'm glad you are going into it with an open mind. My doctor suggests that I have an IV line in just in case something goes wrong but is completely supportive of a natural birth. The only people who you should have an opinion are you and your OB.

Happypost · February 2014

When did drug free become a crazy thought anyway? How many centuries of women had unmedicated births? I think it's crazy to take pain meds all the time and pump yourself full of artificial drugs. All drugs have side effects on your body whether you notice them right away or not. I support you OP. I'm on the same plan. If I want it bad enough, for the good of me and my baby, then I know I can do it! I'm kind of stubborn that way.

JACKIE_RS88 · February 2014

Yup, that's how people reacted when I said I'd at least try to go natural. Like "yean, you're not going to be able to handle it". Now after I did they can't say much when I say I will at least attempt it again with #2. I'm not against drugs when needed, just not my choice to go in asking for them at the door.

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