The nurse practitioner made me cry today

Mimaloo · February 2014

I told her [very nicely] that I feel like I'm kept out of the loop.

I had a pap smear - never got the results; anatomy scan - never even so much as acknowledged by the doctor (a nurse said it looked great, but I'd like to have it confirmed by a doctor); had a subchorionic hemorrhage - is it gone? I have no idea. And at my last appointment, neither did they. I have just never had a doctor who didn't go over results with me.

Every time I see a doctor they pop in, listen to baby's heartbeat with the doppler, and say "see you next month". And believe me, I am SO thankful that this pregnancy is uneventful. But it has bothered me that the few times I've tried to get some questions out the responses have been along the lines of: "Oh you're way ahead of yourself" or "Ugh ::eye roll:: - do you know what 'birth plan' means to an OB?" I feel like they think I'm an idiot for asking certain questions so I'm definitely not anxious to ask any more. Not to mention the fact that whenever I'm trying to ask something they have one foot out the door.

So the NP's response was, "I'm sorry you're not having a good experience, but you need to do what you're told. If we tell you to make sure the doctor checks on this, that and the other thing, you need to do that and you didn't." Wow....I'm sorry. I didn't realize that a doctor was incapable of reading a chart or discussing test results. She then left the room and called one of the doctors and told him what was going on...and I heard everything since the walls are paper thin - she made it sound as though I'm a moron who is incapable of following directions.

Maybe I'm overly hormonal and sensitive, but this lady made me feel like a huge idiot and I cried. The doctor she had on the phone wants me to come in tomorrow so he can go over my chart with me "from top to bottom". So I'm hoping that I don't start bawling and that I can actually stand up for myself.

I've already tried calling another practice in my area and they have no appointments available for over a month. Anyone delivering at Stony Brook University Hospital? If so, please PM me if you would recommend your OB. Thanks so much!

spacepotatoes · February 2014

Wow, I'm sorry they are treating you like that. You do have a right to know what your own results are and to be asking questions about your care. "You need to do what you're told" is not an appropriate response.

My doctor's policy has always been "no news is good news" so I never hear anything about results either but if I specifically ask, they will tell me without scolding me. I'm not a fan of the GP who took over after my previous one retired last year but I will give her credit for actually showing me all of the paperwork in my file, which my previous doc never really did.

Good for you for speaking up! Hang in there and keep going. You are your own best advocate.

mamabelle2014 · February 2014

Agreed, you need a new healthcare provider. These people will be with you through some of the most important times of your life and there's no excuse for this kind of behavior. So sorry this happened to you!

britab · February 2014

I'd be looking for a change. I get all test/lab results in a couple days electronically. My doctor spends a half and hour or more with me and asks numerous times if I have questions. She then prints what we discussed so I can take it home. She's a family practice doctor that also does OB care. GL!

Bayberry12 · February 2014

Yeah I would find a new Dr. Maybe when you call a new Dr. you can try to get past the "gatekeepers" maybe speak to a nurse or someone who understands that you are very pregnant and need to be seen.

Either way, in sorry you had to deal with that.

Solorzano75 · February 2014

I know exactly how you feel. I've felt like this the whole time I've been going to my dr. I get tests done and never recieve a call. I end up calling and the nurse always seems annoyed. The dr has never really gone over anything with me either. I always have to be behind the nurse to get an answer to my question. I've thought about changing but I feel like I'm way into my pregnancy now, and from my past miscarriages I feel like I shouldn't change drs since this one knows about my health conditions. After this pregnancy I don't expect myself going to him with another pregnancy.

lavendergiraffes · February 2014

kitchencolors said:
Change your provider ASAP. No need to go somewhere where you aren't comfortable.

That sounds awful!

I completely agree!!

FlemDance · February 2014

I'm really sorry you had to go through that - can't imagine how it made you feel. Hugs!

83edwards · February 2014

I would have a new OB tomorrow!

pistolpackinmomma · February 2014

When you go in to talk to the dr about your chart I would report the NP you dealt with today. There is no need for that kind of attitude. Try writing down your grievances so you can stay on track. And ask for a copy of your records before you leave so you can take them to a new dr. Even if it will take a month to get in there (that's how far apart our appts are right now anyhow) I would still do it.

keeumm · February 2014

I agree- you need a new provider. The practice I go to has 4 different doctors, 2 men and 2 women. The women ask a lot more questions than the men, and I definitely have a favorite out of the 4 of them (one of the women). If all is healthy, are you able to wait a month? I'm only seeing my doctor every 4 weeks, so maybe you could make the appointment for the other place and then see how the call goes tomorrow?

Regardless, I hope that you have better luck and that you are taken care of!

whitneymarie003 · February 2014

I would absolutely do everything I could to find a new OB. I'm sorry you're having such a bad experience!

shaunamw · February 2014

And you might want to consider reporting them to your insurance provider to save others from this rediculous behavior.

jjh471 · February 2014

Oh I'd be changing obs asap! Mine knew I was sick. I had called yesterday to ask what I could take. He called me today around dinner time to see how I was doing and how the baby was. See the difference? Doctors are there to answer every single question you have. That nurse would have felt my pregnancy rage.

momthatlifts · February 2014

My doctors office is the same way and I changed my provider recently but had to cancel because of us moving. But as soon as this lease is signed I'm finding a new one in that location. I had to ask my doctor how the anatomy scan looked. She just listens to the heartbeat and that's it. I don't even know if I'm going to do my glucose test at my next appointment because she never mentioned it.

MamaLlama14 · February 2014

@Mimaloo what town are you in? My OB is the opposite direction from SBU and I'll be delivering at Winthrop, but I love the whole practice and had a great experience with Winthrop my last time. In fact, I know at least 10 women who go to the same practice. It's a hike from SB if you're out that way but I would say totally worth it.

limechiffon · February 2014

I would be hugely upset about that kind of attitude as well. My office has always called with results. Sometimes, if it's a routine test and the result is "everything is ok" then a nurse calls instead of the OB. But they always follow up.

So no useful advice but I hope you can figure something out.

RedInLove · February 2014

I'd be out of there, even with the 'top to bottom' meeting tomorrow. Nothing about what you have described is acceptable.

My OB's office calls with test results as soon as they can. I took my glucose test yesterday, and was called my the nurse midwife (OB is on mat leave) with those results. Same with my AFP, I had those within a few days, my Harmony was closer to 2 weeks I think (that was the expected time frame), even blood work is reported back to me. I'm always asked how am I feeling, do I have any questions. The nurse midwife has brought up a different topic to ask me about at every appointment, and has made suggestions along the way without being pushy in any way. She explains things as layman as she can vs. all clinical sounding, which I appreciate since I have no medical background. I've never been told to just 'do what I'm told' in those words like that (I follow doctor's orders, but not blindly) and they have taken great notes about whatever I ask about or tell them and refer back to them in conversation.

You and your baby deserve better! I would not put up with that at all. Perhaps your PCP could also assist you in finding another OB office?

danabsd · February 2014

I've only skimmed the responses but FUCK that. Switch practices ASAP. Where I go the nurse is the one who listens to the Doppler and says see you soon. We spend most of our appointment with the doctor, unless she isn't there and we see the nurse practitioner. Which we are made aware of when we schedule out appointment.
I wouldn't have it any other way.

sws684 · February 2014

My doctor doesn't share anything. I assume things are "ok," but I don't like the silence necessarily. They do share abnormal results (ie my pap). But that's it. My dr doesn't make suggestions or anything. He just asks if I have questions and how things are going. That's it. I'm not sure what's "normal" or whatnot though.

mrspopsicle · February 2014

That is beyond unacceptable. I would switch immediately. You can call labor and delivery at the hospital you want to deliver at and ask for suggestions for a doctor who delivers there. Good luck.

Katemr1146 · February 2014

That's unacceptable! I'd sign on for that appointment in a month and keep looking at other options in the meantime!

pistolpackinmomma · February 2014

My doctor doesn't share anything. I assume things are "ok," but I don't like the silence necessarily. They do share abnormal results (ie my pap). But that's it. My dr doesn't make suggestions or anything. He just asks if I have questions and how things are going. That's it. I'm not sure what's "normal" or whatnot though.

My dr is like that too but if I ask he has no issue with discussing it with me. He is open to any questions I may have and is never one foot out the door. My appt is typically go in get weighed, they take my bp, test my pee and do the Doppler. Then the dr comes in asks if I have questions and discusses any testing and such that I have coming up. He has also called me at 7:30 pm with blood test results when I had my mc. I know he cares but when everything is normal there's not much to it. Last time I had a SCH and he was a lot more in depth until that cleared and inquired about any bleeding and discussed any risks associated with it with me so that I was prepared.

sws684 · February 2014

pistolpackinmomma said:

sws684 said:
My doctor doesn't share anything. I assume things are "ok," but I don't like the silence necessarily. They do share abnormal results (ie my pap). But that's it. My dr doesn't make suggestions or anything. He just asks if I have questions and how things are going. That's it. I'm not sure what's "normal" or whatnot though.
My dr is like that too but if I ask he has no issue with discussing it with me. He is open to any questions I may have and is never one foot out the door. My appt is typically go in get weighed, they take my bp, test my pee and do the Doppler. Then the dr comes in asks if I have questions and discusses any testing and such that I have coming up. He has also called me at 7:30 pm with blood test results when I had my mc. I know he cares but when everything is normal there's not much to it. Last time I had a SCH and he was a lot more in depth until that cleared and inquired about any bleeding and discussed any risks associated with it with me so that I was prepared.

This exactly. My dr is also caring and is more than willing to take any amount of time necessary to thoroughly explain things when I do have questions.

whitehousem · February 2014

I agree with PP, find a new OB. My last OB was similar... Very nonchalant, condescending when I asked questions, and terrible bedside manner. I thought it was fine bc I had an uneventful pregnancy but that was followed by a difficult delivery and recovery. She had no interest in helping me. Part of the reason my recovery was so bad was bc she didn't sew me back together properly and then had no interest in helping me figure out what has gone wrong. I had to see two different OBs to get answers and help. It's not worth it... Find someone new if that's how they are treating you!

chknma · February 2014

I agree that it is time to make a change. Maybe start with your insurance to find out who is in network, ask around and get some personal recommendations. Have you done an l&d tour? Does your preferred hospital have an lactation consultant or birth navigator? Maybe you could reach out to some of these and see if there is a provider/practice that gets rave reviews.

Try not to stress about getting in with someone new tomorrow. When I switched practices there were women transferring to the practice during third tri. Find someone that you feel comfortable with. Good luck!!

IBackBevo · February 2014

I agree with everyone above. Change providers. I am changing now at 25 weeks. You might also consider a doula.

deanna1313 · February 2014

It's not too late to switch drs. I'd get out of there!
I think I didn't have enough questions at my last appointment so the dr said "let's talk about prenatal classes." She went over them and told me what's a waste of money and what was worth taking. They go over every ultrasound and pretty much comment on everything. This is an important time and the communication is necessary.

sparklingdiamond · February 2014

I would switch doctors! They should not make you feel uncomfortable like that!

sopsongbird · February 2014

I'm sorry that you are going through a rough time with your provider. As the PP's have mentioned, it is definitly worth changing at this time. 3rd tri is not the time for you to be shafted or stressed, and if it means calling the other office and stating why you need to move providers (in hopes to get seen before the month wait) then do it.

As far as your "top to bottom" meeting, is there someone that you can bring with you to be a witness in case things get out of hand? Let us know how it goes...we care and want to make sure that you, and any of us, stay happy and healthy these last few months!

ArmyMedic7588 · February 2014

I agree with the PPs here! First I'd talk with the dr and really stand up for yourself! That NP sounds like a peach and no one should ever talk to you that way! Get a copy of your file and find a new dr. Appts are about a month apart right now so you should pretty much be on track then. So sorry you have to go through all this!! Hugs! Let us know how things go either way!

Mimaloo · February 2014

MamaLlama14 said:

@Mimaloo what town are you in? My OB is the opposite direction from SBU and I'll be delivering at Winthrop, but I love the whole practice and had a great experience with Winthrop my last time. In fact, I know at least 10 women who go to the same practice. It's a hike from SB if you're out that way but I would say totally worth it.

Thanks so much but I'm actually 5 minutes away from SB so I'd rather go there.

Mimaloo · February 2014

Thanks so much ladies - the weather is crappy here today so hoping DH will take me. I wrote down a list of issues (primarily the fact that the doctors can't seem to be bothered) and will be asking for a copy of my chart. I will be calling another recommended practice this morning and scheduling an appointment.

spacepotatoes · February 2014

Good luck!

Chellbell20 · February 2014

I've skimmed through responses and seem to have the same mindset everyone does, get a new provider. Even if they step up and start telling you results, do you really want to deliver with someone who's policy is do as you're told? Maybe your labor is getting close to dinner time, your OB might call for a c/s so he can get home and if you argue you'll be told to do as your told. I would run for the hills just from the do as your told comment, regardless of everything else. You could call L&D and ask for recommendations of other offices that deliver there and then call several to see when you can get an appt.

jenniferroshto · February 2014

Oh wow. I work in a doctor's office and those comments and actions toward you would have absolutely not been tolerated! We see up to 200 patients a day and don't require them to be responsible for checking on their own results, etc. We have a wonderful thing called "recall tasks" where you can set it up to send you a message in the future to go back and check on something for a patient. Maybe they should check into that...

Junebug060609 · February 2014

pistolpackinmomma said:
When you go in to talk to the dr about your chart I would report the NP you dealt with today. There is no need for that kind of attitude. Try writing down your grievances so you can stay on track. And ask for a copy of your records before you leave so you can take them to a new dr. Even if it will take a month to get in there (that's how far apart our appts are right now anyhow) I would still do it.

This.

How many weeks are you? Some of us are coming up on appts switching to alternate weeks (usually around the start of third tri), so be aware of that. It would totally be worth waiting an extra week for an appt with a provider you trust as long as you have no complications.

alphalyrae · February 2014

I pmed you.

I'll be delivering at SB, also.

spinsoffresonance · February 2014

That's sucks. I second everyone who said to look for a new doctor. You have to be comfortable with the practice you're at. My appointments are super quick too. I pee in a cup, the medical assistant takes my weight and blood pressure, then the Ob comes in and listens to the heartbeat. I don't usually see my OB for more than 5min. However, she always comes in, sits down first and ask me what questions do I have this week. If I do have a lot of questions, she takes the time to listen and answer them. Whenever I had a test, she makes sure to acknowledge it and tells me that everything was normal. I would seriously be concerned by the lack of communication in your practice. Seriously, it takes 10s to tell a patient "so you had your A/S last week, everything looked great" and everyone is happy.

JAM85 · February 2014

Yes I would absolutely do what you're Doing and seek out a new practice. You should not feel emotionally abused in your OB office and in terms of the meeting today I would go in firm and tell the truth- that you have felt neglected and then treated Inappropriately when you did try to take some initiative to be more involved and that you are seeking another practice. It's possible that it may be that nurse is a bad egg or was having a bad day (or life) or that the practice is just run this way but either way you have to do what is best for you and LO. And feeling bullied especially coming into a time when you should feel empowered is worth the effort to change.

iqwedding3 · February 2014

Yeesh, that's horrible. If you were in Boston I'd totally hook you up. I read through all my test results including every Ultrasound, and for the ones that get sent away, my doctor's office will call me, even to tell me they're normal.

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