Finished knitting the sweater he will never wear (AW)

kz's_girlygirl · February 2014

I am a knitter, and love to make baby clothes. I have a few things stashed away that I had made before I was pregnant with Jesse, and I began knitting this little toddler sized sweater for him when I was about 2 months pregnant. I had finished about 1/2 of it 3 days before he was born.

Since he died, I have started a couple of other projects, including another sweater from the same pattern in a different color. I just couldn't bring myself to look at the little half finished sweater, and had put it away with the rest of my pregnancy clothes etc. Last week I decided to take it out. It broke my heart to see it (as I knew it would) but over the past few days, I have found some peace working on it.

I finished it this morning. I cried a few times while working on it, and then again as I made the last few stitches, and I'm sure I will cry when it dries and I fold it in tissue paper and put it away. I made it in toddler size (2-4T) because I never really could imagine Jesse as a baby- even now I picture him as a toddler. It is the only piece of clothing I made especially for him, and I am so sad that he will never wear it. But, I do feel like it was important for me to finish it, and I'm glad I did.

We are getting ready to begin another IVF cycle as many of you know, and finishing this one project makes me feel a little bit of...closure I suppose, even though that isn't exactly what I mean. Jesse's life is a story that barely began. As cheesy as it sounds, finishing the little project that was started for him before anything bad happened feels like a way to honor him and at the same time acknowledge that I am moving onto another chapter.

Tomorrow I am going to do some crafting and make a sparkly dreamcatcher with dropped feathers from the chickens (we have a backyard flock!) crystals and lace, and hope that my sweet boy's energy will be with me

I hope you all are having good days today- and if you aren't, I hope you can feel the love, energy and light from your precious babies and know that you are not alone

Noethola · February 2014

***Siggy warning***

How very sweet. I know it was hard and very emotional. I sewed a sleeper for my angel left, and I love going back and looking at it in her memory box...because I made it for her. Its hard to look at, but its also a sweet piece of my memories of her. It reminds me that she existed, she was wanted, and she was provided for.

Wishing you all the best as you start this round of IVF.

BrittianyM · February 2014

I am so glad you finished it! That is such a wonderful way to honor your sweet son.

jbranden12 · February 2014

This is so amazing. Congratulations on finishing! I'm glad it brought you some peace.

cdale86 · February 2014

I'm so glad you finished it! If you make things for any future children, I think you will be glad that you handmade something for EVERY one of your children. I also want to wish you luck with your upcoming IVF cycle. Unfortunately, I know firsthand how emotionally tough that is. I can't imagine how it will be post-loss. You have us all here for support!

bunnybun4 · February 2014

congrats on you for finishing that...that took a lot of courage and strength!

Xath · February 2014

*siggy warning*

Congratulations on finishing it. I find a certain catharsis in making things for my daughter, like I'm still doing something for her and devoting time to her even though she's not here. I started working on her Christmas stocking after she passed. Sometimes I can't work on it, and then I'll get a fresh spurt of energy and get a lot done.

cawettig · February 2014

I love how you finished it! I cried reading your post because I had some projects for Arianna I was making for her. I turned her left over ribbon from her project into a beautiful clip for her older sister.

stefuge · February 2014

I am so glad you finished it - that sweater is adorable! After we lost Colton, I felt this need to finish his nursery. I am an interior designer, so his room and all the love we had put into it were very important to me. After finishing up the last few things, I took pictures to put in his memory book, so that we can always remember his little room. ((Hugs))