XP: not feeling scared about birth Q

BzeetyD · February 2014

I'm cross posting this on SAIF and PAIF to get some insight.

So we're at 38w2d today and... I'm not scared of the birth part of this whole thing. I'm not scared of a vag style birth or a c/s if it goes down like that and I'm not scared of an emergency c/s if it needs to go down like that. I feel out of the norm on my BMB, and in my life (like talking to coworkers or friends or family) for not being freaked out/scared and I wonder if other IF, IFVs, or repeat loss ladies went through similar calm/un-frightened feelings.

I don't feel like I'm naive about it, I feel well educated and researched. I think all our experience with clinics and hospitals for egg retrievals and surgeries and m/cs care has really caused me to have a positive association with the hospital care part. And we trust our OB/practice immensely.

I feel like overall the birth is SUCH a short experience compared to our 4 years of struggles and troubles. And the birth experience, whatever it will be, will end with a little one - even if it is difficult and painful, there is a clear and obvious reward. Not only that, but we'll FINALLY be on "the other side" of this journey, which is a reward in and of itself.

Maybe part of it is that we have preferences but not a "plan" - I feel comfort in the idea that "we're not in control", which doesn't mean we don't have a say or we don't know what we'd like to have happen. I'm open to all options and know the risks and benefits of our choices. But the truth of the matter is that in this long trial to become parents, events have happened how they've happened whether we wanted them, or wished them, or were afraid or not.

Anyone else feel similar before birth? If you're a SAIFer, did your feelings change as you went through the birth process?

Am I crazy for thinking/feeling this way?

liz4paws · February 2014

It's funny you bring this up, because I feel the same way! I have a lot further to go and maybe I'll start to get some fear later on, but I recognize it's not going to be a walk in the park, yet I'm not scared. I think a big part of it is that I trust my OB immensely! I don't have a multiple page plan, just preferences like you say. I told my OB that I want to be safe and deliver a safe and healthy baby, but other than that, he gets to call most of the shots. I feel great about that I'm glad you're feeling good about it too!

Rachnan · February 2014

Absolutely feel the same way. It seems like those around me almost try to freak me out and scare me and it really just doesn't work. I didn't go through all you went through to get here, but definitely relate.

Also, a coworker of mine just came back a month after his wife gave birth to an IVF baby and all he could say is just go with the flow and it's not that bad.

BzeetyD · February 2014

Rachnan said:

Absolutely feel the same way. It seems like those around me almost try to freak me out and scare me and it really just doesn't work. I didn't go through all you went through to get here, but definitely relate.

Also, a coworker of mine just came back a month after his wife gave birth to an IVF baby and all he could say is just go with the flow and it's not that bad.

I'm so glad to find that others feel the same. And in my opinion, anyone who's on this board went through enough on their own to be here.

curlylocks3 · February 2014

I'm not as far as you, but I'm definitely feeling pretty chill about delivery. I figured it was my background (I'm an OB nurse) since I had pretty much the same reaction to finding out I had a partial previa. I just had been saying I totally trust my OB practice to make the correct decisions for the safety of me and the babies and I've seen enough deliveries to know that thats the only thing that matters in the end. And like you said, I can handle this because of what the end result is.
In fact, I had been planning to take a class like Hypnobabies because with my blood thinners there is a good chance I'll need to labor for a bit without an epidural (which I'd like if we have to do a breech extraction for baby

....but now that its coming to when I should be taking that class I just have no desire to do it.
So pretty much, I am in the same place you are.

Roeni · February 2014

I was hardly having any fear, so of course I googled it and read something that said I was deluding myself!

auntjessy · February 2014

@Roeni - LOL

@BzeetyD - I'm also not nearly as far along as you - I've got (hopefully) at least another 10 weeks to go with these twins, but I'm not scared of the birth at all, either. It took us at least 5 years to have these beautiful babies, too - so it feels like the easy part now. The only thing I'm concerned with is being able to keep them in as long as possible - and how in the world I'm going to keep finding ways to clothe my ever-expanding bump!!

brooklynesque · February 2014

I have a ways I go but definitely feel like birth will be the least of the pain of this IF journey!!

I will be taking Bradley Method classes to help me cope, though. I would prefer an unmedicated birth, maybe because nothing else about this process had been natural. ;-)

lisabugg444 · February 2014

I feel the same way! I've been through so much medical crap to get to this point, that I feel "what's one more thing"? I'm comfortable with hospitals, I trust my OB team, and I am well-educated on my options and the outcomes. I've experienced pain before (history of multiple kidney stones) and it hasn't killed me, and I have no desire to go med-free, so I'm not really worked up about it. I'm just mostly curious to meet my baby. The rest is just more medical stuff. :-)

amb2013 · February 2014

Hi due date buddy. I think I am more willing to go with the flow and take things as they come. I'm not tied to any birth plan, all I care about is a healthy baby. I am nervous about things turning into "emergency" status during labor only because I know how much I will worry and be scared if that happens. I think it's due to my history. But as far as being open minded to getting the baby here as safe as possible, I think the IF journey has prepared us in that respect. Some of the advice I got from friends who have never needed to worry is kind of funny. For example, my BFF ( who is able to conceive whenever she chooses) gave me the advice of getting neutral manicures from this point on so my nails won't appear chipped in pics..,wow, imagine if that was one of your only labor concerns?! Can't even imagine. We earned this and then some, I hope it's smooth sailing for all of us.

MJC1116 · February 2014

Birth is just that much closer to meeting these sweet babies that we've waited so long to meet. It makes sense that we PAIFers aren't too scared by the whole process, especially given all that we went through to get here.

That having been said, I feel way more nervous the second time around. I'm not panicked or freaking out, but the thought of labor (actually more the recovery) makes me nervous. But, the excitement of meeting this baby (and finding out boy or girl!) is way more than the nerves!

BlueEyedDreamer · February 2014

I found out at my appointment today that I'm 70% effaced, 2cm, and his head is "fully engaged," so this is definitely on my mind!!

I'm not going to lie - I'm a little bit nervous about the birth. But I'm NOT nervous about how it will go down. I'm extremely flexible. I don't have a "birth plan," and I'm not married to any particular scenario of how it will play out. I trust my OB, and I honestly just want a healthy baby at the end of the day. I think what I'm actually nervous about is my own physical abilities and about my baby making it through safely.

But I think you're on to something - those of us who have gone through so much to get here are probably more flexible about how to get to our end goal. And we're probably also more trusting in our doctors. I'm excited for the birth - three years all leading up to this big moment!!

mfarmer0811 · February 2014

I pretty much feel the same way. I am very much wanting a natural birth, it's very important to me since I can't conceive naturally, but, I'm prepared for all outcomes! I know what the end result is, and that is my number 1 priority/goal. We took a birthing class, and I have been practicing, and envisioning how the birth will go, and it doesn't make me nervous at all. My DH and I have also been praying very specifically that I go into labor on my own (OB won't let me go past 39w due to diabetes) but at the same time we are asking that God prepares us for whatever His plan is. We have trusted Him throughout this whole journey, and He hasn't let us down yet! I have a what some may consider an abnormal peace about delivery our precious miracle son!

People that have not struggled just don't understand; I try not to talk about the delivery part of pregnancy too much because I don't want to hear their negative comments or their "scary" stories.

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