Finding Balance Without Any Firm Timing

AlbertaGrayGirl · January 2014

Our appointment with the new agency is this afternoon. While I know that I am prepared, I feel so unprepared. Part of me feels like this is just another step on the long road to a distant future. The other part thinks that this might be the turning point where we start to have some good luck for a change. This might be the step we need to take to really get things moving.

My question for you guys is, how do you keep perspective? There is no way to know how long it will take to find our baby, or if it will even work out at all. How do you think about the future, and try to mentally prepare yourself for welcoming a baby home? We have never been parents before. The whole concept is overwhelming, let alone having to deal with the uncertainty of adoption. How do you ladies manage to stay sane?

Dr.Loretta · January 2014

We were one of those freak couples who didn't think about it that much, to be honest. We would occasionally pick up clothes or a baby gear item if we saw a good sale, and as activity started picking up we ordered some more. We took a newborn care class at our local hospital. But the rest of time we just did things as normal and waited to see what happened. We knew we could get matched with e-parents who were still a few months away from delivering, or we could get The Call that a baby was waiting for us at the hospital. We figured we'd punt.

it turned out great. We had a few things for DD when we got The Call, and DH did a massive WalMart run the night she came home.

sumati · January 2014

We are still in the home study/massive forms stage.. so right now, we are using each step in that process as milestones.. as for the long wait after that, we are just taking it day by day and living life as normal. We have close friends that are also adopting, so at least we can talk to them about how it feels just waiting. We just try to stay positive about it.

I keep myself busy by buying things for the nursery as I see them on sale and stocking up on cloth diapers for the diaper stash. I'm totally in nesting mode. LOL

WannaBmomma · January 2014

I like that idea! I am nervous about buying things in advance and then having a nursery full of items with no baby. At the same time, I want to be ready so I may buy items I find on sale to be ready

sgb721 · January 2014

IDK- I am personally struggling right now with the wait.

[Deleted User] · January 2014

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jelly718 · February 2014

I have to be honest... we didn't have too much of a wait to be matched, but our BM started very early and it's been a very long, and emotional 4 months so far and we still have 3 more to go! I think I would have preferred to wait a bit longer for a match and then scramble at the end. But we are so grateful for this opportunity that we'll accept whatever comes along with it.

It's all a process and while we're all going to reach the same end result, we're all going to have completely different experiences along the way. My best friend adopted 2 babies through the same attorney and her experiences were very different then ours. Keep yourself as busy as possible and try and focus on something (anything) else. You'll look back and be surprised at how time has flown by.

We've been slowly putting together the nursery and purchasing things when they are on sale. I've purchased a few outfits for each age (NB, 0-3 mos, 6 mos, etc). Most of my girlfriends have toddlers, so I have been able to collect bits and pieces from them that their children have outgrown (I am the proud owner of 3 diaper pails and that's only because I've told them I don't need any more!) I'm too afraid it will fall through to purchase too much more!

I keep telling myself that even if this falls through, we will find our baby :-)

How did the meeting go?

emca · February 2014

I'm struggling with the wait as well. We've been officially waiting for about 6 1/2 months. We were matched and it fell through due to an agency mistake in December, which I think is making the wait harder at this point. I'm trying my best to focus on the things we not be able to do as often when we have a baby (lots of dinners/drinks out, going to the movies, etc). I'm trying to put together a nursery. It might be hard to see it there, but I also don't want the nursery to be connected to one particular match. I'm also trying o focus on the fact that the wait will definitely be worth it! Good luck and I hope your wait it short!

AlbertaGrayGirl · February 2014

The meeting went well. It was a little discouraging to hear how many steps we still have to work through, but I finally felt like we had someone who was on our side and would actually put effort into getting us through this ordeal.

sgb721 · February 2014

We've been home study approved and waiting for 1 year on Thursday. Its hard- not gonna lie. We've built a nursery, bought all the basics (bottles, diapers, car seat). We've gone on vacation together- a last hurrah together before becoming parents. We've done dinners, movies, we've had stay in bed days (lol). In the end, all you can do is try and keep your mind busy. Everyone's journey is different. Some are placed quickly, some not so quick. What works for one, doesn't work for others. Just use this time to read books about babies, parenting, adoption.

GOOD LUCK!!!

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