Head-->Desk

legallyginger · February 2014

So, my cousin recently got to take her baby home from the NICU. A little backstory: she's only 18 and still in high school. She went into PTL at 29 weeks and ended up delivering him at 33. He spent a month and a half in the NICU with some breathing issues, and she just got to take him home a couple of weeks ago. Her EDD was New Year's Day.

Understandably, being so young and having a preemie she's pretty overwhelmed. She's on facebook all the time saying how he just keeps crying and she doesn't know what to do or how to get him to sleep. So she's been getting all kinds of advice from people looking to help.

A family friend (who is a notorious know it all) commented on one of her statuses this morning. She *obviously* knows what she's doing because she has a kid and was a nanny and a daycare provider. She told her that she needed to be careful not to hold him too much and that she should just let him try to figure it out and calm himself down. Uhhhh.... what? I don't want to get in a giant facebook debate with this girl, but I'm pretty sure CIO is the LAST thing a barely two month old preemie needs.

katykatykaty · February 2014

Yikes. That poor kid.

ETA: I was referring to the baby and realized I needed to clarify since both mom and baby are kids.

VineyardMel · February 2014

Oy. CIO is the last thing ANY 2mo old needs, let alone one who has already gotten a rough start!

elliebean14 · February 2014

Yikes! I've seen people post that advice on new parent friends' Facebook statuses, too, and it's always so hard not to get into an argument about it.

nlane0723 · February 2014

How sad! Does she have a good support system? Like the father of the baby or her parents?

legallyginger · February 2014

schlanderer2005 said:

How sad! Does she have a good support system? Like the father of the baby or her parents?

Yes, thankfully. She's still with the baby's father and he's doing a good job from what I hear, and she lives with her mom and grandmother. I'm sure they're trying to help, so hopefully she won't take the crappy advice. I'm just worried because this family friend puts herself out there as having so much experience and expertise, and she's always been kind of a mother figure to my cousin.

rockopera · February 2014

Can you reach out to her via private message, rather than debate the know it all? Are you close in location? Can you send resources to her (books, internet articles) backing her up? How is her support system? Can you reach out to those people to help facilitate support for her?

That has to be so hard. I can't even imagine. CIO with a 2mo preemie? That makes me want to cry.

CactusGirl · February 2014

This baby had barely even been alive in this world; it needs comfort and reassurance, not being left alone to cry. Ugh.

Missfunball · February 2014

I'm all for CIO, but for heavens sake not on a newborn or preemie. There's an adjustment period and there are more needs. From all the moms I've talked to little ones who are not preemie take about 2 months to find themselves a pattern. Also her LOs environment has changed dramatically so there is that to consider.

I would PM her for sure, ask her if the environment itself is consistent. Oi vey, I wish her all the best and hope she can just take it one day at a time.

kimberpoo · February 2014

ug how sad that someone would even think that is a good idea. I hope everything works out for that LO.

mamamia866 · February 2014

I know people say "never say never", but isn't that what the pediatrician is for? This is why I will not post a public status regarding questions about baby's behaviors the first few months on FB. I can't take it. I think I've officially adopted the TB mentality of "ask your doctor". Since she's 18, you can't expect her to know CIO at 2 mos is not ok. And the woman who told her to let LO CIO needs to be smacked. Even after I have kids, if someone asks me advice, I will always preface "ask your doc, but in my experience..." Yada yada yada.

SomersIsles · February 2014

WickedNE said:

Oh that makes me sad for those super young babies left to CIO. Especially for a preemie, who certainly needs the extra care. Glad to hear she has help though. But really, some people just need to keep their shitty advice to themselves. Next she'll tell her to feed the baby cereal in his bottle to help him sttn. Oy.

Yep.

That's nuts. I'm pretty sure a 2 month old doesn't have the brain development/reasoning capabilities to understand the intentions of CIO... good lord. Definitely PM her. She probably would appreciate the advice.

sopranoali · February 2014

You could mail her a happiest baby on the block DVD.

Hays0770 · February 2014

Hahahahahaaa. Oh sorry. That's not a joke. Figured there was going to be a nun and a bar involved somewhere.

Poor cousin! That girl needs to get away from social media. I agree with PP that the happiest baby book/DVD will help. My in laws are all about CIO, and being an early childhood development and ed major I knew It was not the best before 5mo or so. They just don't take my word for it because I'm "new to this"
That book as DVD really shut up the hubs and MILaw once they read it. And it will help her trust herself more as a mom with mommy instincts.

Maybe even the "wonder weeks" book to help her as the child grows. She can just flip to her babe's current week and it will help explain to her WHY the baby is being fussy. Growth spurts, teeth, emotional development, object permanence, and potential issues. More along those lines.

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