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Need to vent so I don't kill my SIL

craftiemommiecraftiemommie member
in March 2014 Moms
So my SIL refused to discuss vaccinations whenever DH and I brought it up. Background: she is notoriously difficult when it comes to our relationship. They lost their mother years ago and their father is pretty much a deadbeat. she's clingy and controlling as a result. So I finally get DH to talk to her yesterday and she says she has great anxiety about putting anything in her body because their mother had a problem with prescribed pain killers at one point after a terrible accident she had been in. She is afraid she would develop a similar addiction. I get not wanting to take pills, etc then. But to be afraid of becoming addicted TO VACCINES? I just can't deal with the stupid. Oh and she's a school nurse at an elementary school, so when it comes to vaccinations we feel hers are most important.
I have been dealing with her bullshit for so long, I just don't have the strength to grin and bear it on this one. She said she understands that she will get to meet the baby like everyone else and then will have to wait for quality time later. Basically when he is baptised, and she is introduced as godmother. I Wish I could get out of that one because she is sure to be a nightmare.

End rant :(
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Re: Need to vent so I don't kill my SIL

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  • craftiemommiecraftiemommie member
    I Wish I could cut off contact and say hey crazy, stay away from my kids. I have wished it since we got married (I've mentioned before that she nearly destroyed our wedding). But DH wants her to be Godmother and I can't tell him no since she is the closest family he had for so long. He is so torn because he knows she's dumb but he feels for her. They went through a lot together. But I think the problem is that in her whole life no one has ever said "hey, you're being an idiot." Well, until me.
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  • clo1982clo1982 member
    Not sure when baby is being baptized but if it is after a few months and lo has had a chance to get shots, I'd simply tell her she will not get to 'meet the baby like everyone else' unless she gets over her unfounded, and ridiculous fear. She can meet him/her once the baby has had shots...hopefully by that point you don't have a baby that is addicted to vaccines. What a mess that would be! Also I'm kind of surprised that as a school nurse, she isn't required to have vaccines.
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  • craftiemommiecraftiemommie member
    clo1982 said:

    Not sure when baby is being baptized but if it is after a few months and lo has had a chance to get shots, I'd simply tell her she will not get to 'meet the baby like everyone else' unless she gets over her unfounded, and ridiculous fear. She can meet him/her once the baby has had shots...hopefully by that point you don't have a baby that is addicted to vaccines. What a mess that would be!

    Also I'm kind of surprised that as a school nurse, she isn't required to have vaccines.

    I was surprised too! I guess she cited religious beliefs or something.
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  • craftiemommiecraftiemommie member
    mommyKT310 said:

    I would not have that women being the godmother of my child. Do you really want her raising your baby if something happens to you? Especially if she is this crazy. I also wouldn't let her meet the baby with everyone else unless she agrees to get the vaccine. Maybe that will help her get over her ridiculous fear. 

    Oh she won't have anything to do with raising the baby if something happens. Even DH has said hells no to that! For that matter my brother will be godfather but won't have guardianship. We are still figuring that out, but godparents are really more spiritual guides. At least she's religious. My brother isn't a churchgoer lol, but hes a good person amd not bsc. We don't really have a choice, it's not worth the additional family drama, there's already so much of it.

    I may come to the point later on when she hasn't been around for months and I say hey, We have a better godmother candidate who had been around for the first few months of baby's life, it should be her! But right now, I can't handle the fight.

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  • clo1982clo1982 member
    mommyKT310 said:
    I would not have that women being the godmother of my child. Do you really want her raising your baby if something happens to you? Especially if she is this crazy. I also wouldn't let her meet the baby with everyone else unless she agrees to get the vaccine. Maybe that will help her get over her ridiculous fear. 

    I don't think being the godmother necessarily means you are the appointed guardian if something happens to the parents. That seems to be an old-fashioned mentality that a lot of people aren't following anymore. I think it is trending more toward they will serve as a spiritual guide in the child's life to ensure that they are being raised in the religion.
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  • craftiemommiecraftiemommie member
    katykatykaty said:

    Forgive me if this is insensitive, but I feel like BSC should trump her level of 'religiousness.' 

    She sounds insane.  And the fact the she's a school nurse is terrifying!

    Oh you are absolutely right.  But there is no way I can tell DH she can't be Godmother, there is too much history between them.  He's her big brother and he will always protect her from getting hurt.  I made the mistake of saying right to him last night "I don't buy it. She cannot be this stupid" and he got REALLY upset (I should have kept it to myself; it doesn't change anything really.)

    In a way I understand her crazy - she has been through more than I can ever imagine (she actually found their mother when she passed.)  But she has been babied by everyone in her life as a result.  Right now, I'm sort of like wow, I get a few months where I don't have to deal with her once the baby is here.  Godmother or not, she will be permenantly tied to me and my family forever, and I better get used to it.  It just BLOWS

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  • MissfunballMissfunball member
    craftiemommie said:


    katykatykaty said:

    Forgive me if this is insensitive, but I feel like BSC should trump her level of 'religiousness.' 

    She sounds insane.  And the fact the she's a school nurse is terrifying!




    Oh you are absolutely right.  But there is no way I can tell DH she can't be Godmother, there is too much history between them.  He's her big brother and he will always protect her from getting hurt.  I made the mistake of saying right to him last night "I don't buy it. She cannot be this stupid" and he got REALLY upset (I should have kept it to myself; it doesn't change anything really.)

    In a way I understand her crazy - she has been through more than I can ever imagine (she actually found their mother when she passed.)  But she has been babied by everyone in her life as a result.  Right now, I'm sort of like wow, I get a few months where I don't have to deal with her once the baby is here.  Godmother or not, she will be permenantly tied to me and my family forever, and I better get used to it.  It just BLOWS

    I'm not religious but we will have Godparent and they will have a similar role as far as the people we have chosen reflect our values. I would think its even more important for those who are choosing religiously and should be done in the interest of the child not hurting a grown woman's fee-fees.

    Second, it's ok to empathize with someone having an irrational fear. You can also empathize with DH and tell him you know how much she means and that you want to honor that relationship but not in a way that doesn't sit well with you. Maybe she can be the one to tell your LO about Grandma.

    Lastly you do not have to get flustered and you've drawn the line. Though I would definitely not let her meet the baby until shots (for her or baby).



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  • craftiemommiecraftiemommie member
    FarmBoysWife said:
     
    Sorry but my child's soul is just as important as my child's physical well being.. For my DH and I this would become a "her or us" situation. You can't pick your husbands family but your feelings are being completely dismissed and he won't allow for compromise.
    I 100% agree.  To be fair to DH he did say to her, I understand how you are feeling, but my son's health comes first.  They agreed to disagree and she agreed to stay away until the baby is vaccinated, so I can't really take this aspect of it any further.  I think he knows the Godparent thing isn't over.  But we have time before that battle.  I don't know who I would suggest as an alternative, which is why I feel like we need to see who really turns out to be a better choice when the time comes.
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  • clo1982clo1982 member
    I have to agree with @FBW that it seems that your feelings are being dismissed because of his need to protect his sister. His need to protect his CHILD needs to trump his feelings of shielding his sister from emotional hardship. It sucks that she has had a tough go of things, but that just doesn't excuse mindless, crazy behavior in my book. And it certainly doesn't grant her the right to endanger your baby's well being. I guess I am wondering, how does he feel about other people being around the baby who have not been vaccinated? If it's a no-go for everyone else, then I just don't see how his arguement has a leg to stand on just because it's his sister. If he is more laid back about vac's and being around the baby for other people, then, although I disagree, I can see where he is coming from.
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  • craftiemommiecraftiemommie member
    clo1982 said:
    I have to agree with @FBW that it seems that your feelings are being dismissed because of his need to protect his sister. His need to protect his CHILD needs to trump his feelings of shielding his sister from emotional hardship. It sucks that she has had a tough go of things, but that just doesn't excuse mindless, crazy behavior in my book. And it certainly doesn't grant her the right to endanger your baby's well being. I guess I am wondering, how does he feel about other people being around the baby who have not been vaccinated? If it's a no-go for everyone else, then I just don't see how his arguement has a leg to stand on just because it's his sister. If he is more laid back about vac's and being around the baby for other people, then, although I disagree, I can see where he is coming from.
    Same rules for every one with the vaccines - you can meet the baby, but if you plan on being over more than once you must be vaccinated.  And those are his rules (I agree, but he has been the one to really put his foot down).  So I can't fault him there.
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  • qsflameqsflame member
    I suppose I don't see the NEED to have godparents if no one is particularly suited for that role. It's not exactly a requirement of any faith is it?
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