First hour rule

SouthRNComfort · February 2014

Just a vent here, not really a question. I reiterated with my mom, MIL and DH that the first hour is for skin to skin and I'd like that to be the bonding time for DH and I with our baby, just the three of us only, before everyone rushes in. "Everyone" is just 2 people (our moms) but I told him the last thing I want is someone rushing in right after delivery, and impatiently staring at me waiting for my skin to skin to be over so that they can scoop her up. He doesn't get it. He thinks it's silly to have both moms wait in the waiting room during that hour. He rather everyone come in at once and have one big party right after delivery. I told him he'll thank me later; between all the grandparents and other visitors that may be our only time together just the three of us for almost a whole month! Just my rant, thanks for reading.

shellbell3845 · February 2014

My parents will be waiting in the waiting room. It's my understanding that even while we're doing skin to skin there will be other medical things happening for me and LO. I don't need an audience for that. Also I don't want to worry about being covered for guests. Stick to your guns!

SouthRNComfort · February 2014

Thanks, I know I'm not crazy!

selahvey · February 2014

I agree with you 100% I've already told our close family that we will call once LO is born, and then let them know when we are ready for visitors.

My SO is in board with this because he had a child 6 years ago, and his daughter was passed around like crazy right after the birth to the mothers side of the family and it drove him crazy.

The way I see it, is we created this miracle, I grew it in my body for over 9 months and I would like to bond and hold/BF my baby and get to know him before everyone else tries to take him away from me. My SO needs time to himself holding LO too without people staring at him to pass the baby.

Don't feel bad about making people wait, you have waited long enough for this moment, and if you don't want to share it then you shouldn't have to!

micaelasmakeup · February 2014

The nurses will most likely keep everyone out for that hour anyways . Just when DH isn't in the room let the nurses know that that is your desire too.

MissDemeanor · February 2014

I'm totally with you too. I have already made it very clear that we do not want anyone here (home birth) during labour, and that we'll call them when we're ready for visitors. after I've showered and put on my pretty nightgown and robe. He wasn't on board at first, but I've explained it's my vagina, my rules, and I'm not comfortable showing my body in front of visitors.

Also on this subject, I've told him that after PUSHING A BABY OUT OF MY VAGINA I will be very tired, and won't want visitors here for hours. But I'm scared his family will think I'm rude, so he is supposed to ask if I want to lie down, feed baby, whatever, so I don't seem like a bitch for leaving the room or whatever.

And I've also made it clear that if I end up getting a c section or something, and I'm separated from baby, no one but him gets to hold it until I do. I always hear stories of friends who were upset about these types of things, so I agree it's best to have them figured out in advance.

I really hope you can help your husband to understand you need some private time to meet your LO. After 9 months of having an inside baby, I'm guessing it'll be an adjustment. And you deserve this time.

RondackHiker · February 2014

Tell him in that first hour you're going to be naked, delivering the placenta, having doctors and nurses swarm you and LO, and that you and LO will both be pretty gross and goopy.

Then ask him if he'd want a party right after a colonoscopy while he's still naked and recovering and why he thinks it's fair to demand that of you.

Family can wait an two hours. An hour for skin to skin and an hour for you to feel a little more presentable. If you feel okay before that, fine. But if you don't, that's okay too.

wheathergirl · February 2014

Our hospital has something called "the mircale hour" where they don't allow anyone in for the first hour. Only mom dad baby and skin to skin. I am so grateful for this. No one can say anything because it's the hospitals rule.

Maybe try telling them your hospital has the same rule?

mab18 · February 2014

Our family won't even be in the waiting room. We decided: we are not calling them until 4 hours after the birth (our hospital does a minimum of 2 hours of mommy/baby bonding time and I thought it was only fair that DH gets 2 hours free of a circus show, too).

My hospital was willing to take the blame if we didn't want guests sooner...but seriously, what can your moms do about it if you just don't call and tell them?

Jules5611 · February 2014

I just went over this with my husband as well. I had already mentioned it as well as the hospital but I also said once that hour is over i would like our 9 year old son to be the only one allowed in the room so we could introduce him to baby and not have him bombarded by grab happy grandmas. Pretty sure he is on the same page as I am about this. That one hour goes by so fast, take advantage of it. Good luck!

BB0214 · February 2014

RondackHiker said:
Tell him in that first hour you're going to be naked, delivering the placenta, having doctors and nurses swarm you and LO, and that you and LO will both be pretty gross and goopy.

Then ask him if he'd want a party right after a colonoscopy while he's still naked and recovering and why he thinks it's fair to demand that of you.

Family can wait an two hours. An hour for skin to skin and an hour for you to feel a little more presentable. If you feel okay before that, fine. But if you don't, that's okay too.

THIS!!!
I went through the same argument and was told over and over by H that I was selfish for wanting this. But after he understood everything that actually goes on during labor, during delivery, and after, he understood why I want privacy. And even if people say they want to be there to be supportive, to us moms in labor it just isn't. We decided that if his parents, who were the ones pushing to be there, want to be at the hospital, they will be in the waiting room, not with us. If they want to wait that long then that's their decision.
People can wait. They will have their first moment with your baby no matter when it happens. You will never get those moments after your baby is born back. Those are special family bonding moments. Don't let anyone rush you!

boogerbearoriginal · February 2014

Ditto PPs, the first hour or so after birth isn't like a hallmark commercial - there's still a lot of medical stuff going on for mom/baby.

And it's not like the grandparents will have any idea if you had the baby at 12p or 1p, or care, they will be fine to wait an hour.

FWIW my hospital doesn't allow people back until we're all cleaned/wrapped up lol. So there was no real decision to be made by us, once we were all done with the post-birth stuff a good hour had passed and the nurse asked if we minded visitors or if we wanted more time. I really thought it was better to decide in the moment as opposed to trying to plan it out ahead of time.

Soap1 · February 2014

RosiePeare said:

Can you have him watch part of a skin to skin video? They showed one as part of our labor and delivery class, and it made it so clear that 1) mama is NOT covered up at all, 2) doctors and nurses are busy tending to baby, and 3) it's a really amazing moment for the new family--one you can't ever recapture. In fact, after seeing it, DH and I decided not to even take pictures during that first hour--we want it to be our experience, through our five senses, totally focused on LO.

Just an FYI, one of our nurses took a bunch of pics during delivery and in that first few minutes. It was great! I cherish those pictures, but I'm so glad DH didn't have to take them. worth asking!

And OP, stick to your guns. Most decisions are made by you and DH, but you have the trump card here.

BzeetyD · February 2014

We're doing the same thing. In fact, I don't know if we'll even make phonecalls or texts until the magical hour/skin to skin/first attempt at BF-ing is over.

We don't want the pressure of people in the waiting room. We don't want people in the room when I'm being serviced, like a car, down there. This is a moment we won't get again. It's ours. The 3 of us.

gobbo1985 · February 2014

I have told my parents and my DH parents that they can come to the hospital after I give birth. No waiting in the waiting room. Then they can only see us when we are switched to our post partum room. Not in L&D. Just tell your doctor no one is allowed in till after you have switched rooms. And alot of hospitals now don't allow people in L&D

RondackHiker · February 2014

It makes me really angry at the number of husbands who've described their wives as selfish for not wanting someone in the labor or delivery room or recovery room.

Are you freaking kidding me?!

mdr619 · February 2014

bribbon said:

RondackHiker said:
It makes me really angry at the number of husbands who've described their wives as selfish for not wanting someone in the labor or delivery room or recovery room.

Are you freaking kidding me?!
I was just thinking the same thing. Just because it's a happy event doesn't mean it's not a medical procedure with at least 2 patients involved. I think people sometimes forget that. Anyone whose priorities are not centered around what's best for the patient(s) don't have their head screwed on right!

Totally agree with both of you! It's been said before, but birth is not a spectator sport.

kak808 · February 2014

megash113 said:

And I've also made it clear that if I end up getting a c section or something, and I'm separated from baby, no one but him gets to hold it until I do. I always hear stories of friends who were upset about these types of things, so I agree it's best to have them figured out in advance.
I'm so glad you mentioned this. I keep trying to remember to talk to DH about it and haven't yet. My friend needed an emergency c-section and they put her under for it. Her husband was so blindsided by all of it that he panicked. When my friend woke up from sedation in recovery, she found out his entire side of the family had already met/held her son and she didn't even know what he looked like yet. I don't think DH is stupid enough to do that, but it's definitely a conversation that should be had!

There was a point earlier in my pregnancy where I thought I was going to need a c/s under general anesthesia. I told my husband that I didn't want anyone to see/hold her except for him before I woke up. He didn't understand and thought that all of parents, etc. should be able to meet her in the meantime. I don't understand how men sometimes just don't get it. Luckily, that's no longer the plan, but it could *still* happen and there will be hell to pay if I'm the last to meet my baby!

theangelofmusic1427 · February 2014

We are only telling grandparents when we actually go into labor and will tell everyone else once DS is born. That way no one is waiting and making us feel guilty for enjoying our quiet time with him. We have found that by explaining the golden hour to everyone, they have been very supportive and willing to wait. Grandparents also have the option to come to the hospital once he is born and golden hour is almost up.

Magnolia+Mama · February 2014

Keep in mind that while you're having your STS time-you will be delivering the placenta, repairing any episiotomy/tearing, and other medical milestones in the delivery process. Maybe Explain that you want to maintain your privacy during all of that?

BzeetyD · February 2014

Here's an article about "the golden hour" or "the magical hour" and why it's so important for mothers, fathers and baby. I think this one delivers it in a very easy way to understand.

Maybe share it with your SOs or with your family if they're having issues and feeling too excited/anxious beforehand about meeting your new little one.

https://www.sanfordhealth.org/Stories/View/44a97e6f-d477-4c44-accb-915f52acfcc5

Reneej918 · February 2014

My DH thinks it would be fine to have others in the room for the first hour of STS. However, he supports my views to have only the three of us (and medical personnel) in the room until the hour is up. It's your time and family will have plenty of time to hold and meet the baby. Our hospital doesn't do any weight or measurement until the hour is over. Good luck with your DH

mythaldo · February 2014

Our families live halfway across the country, but I just wanted to note that the first hour after I gave birth while I was holding our daughter consisted of delivering the placenta, stitching my tear, cleaning up the area, banking the cord blood, inspecting the placenta and breastfeeding (with a few other tests and whatnot in between). That's a sight I wouldn't really want to share with my mom or MIL, much less anyone else in the family, I don't think my legs were even out of the stirrups until a half hour into the Golden Hour.

littlepig2 · February 2014

RondackHiker said:
It makes me really angry at the number of husbands who've described their wives as selfish for not wanting someone in the labor or delivery room or recovery room.

Are you freaking kidding me?!

this!! if DH ever tried to tell me that I was selfish and family had to come in right away, I think I'd seriously lose my mind. it makes me so angry!!

littlepig2 · February 2014

apparently it makes me so angry that I double post $:\$ ">

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