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jealously and baby fever

mlandwehrmlandwehr member
in May 2013 Moms
so we have a family member that had a baby a couple months after me.  I had problems with BF around 5months and ended up having to stop. Going back to work for 12 hours shift were really hard on my supply, some days i was only able to pump once on my whole shift.  Well every time the family member talks about her BF i get so jealous that i couldn't last longer and i feel so rude. i never tell her anything, just undercover i want her to have problems too. I know that sounds so awful. Also i am wanting to be pregnant agin. and i don't think its the actual want for another baby, its just the being pregnant part. Thanks for listening
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Re: jealously and baby fever

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  • mlandwehrmlandwehr member

    nonniedee said:
    I understand being jealous, but wishing a misfortune on her is shitty. I'm sure she's going through her own struggles without you wanting added stuff.
    i know i feel like an awful person that it goes through my head

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  • mlandwehrmlandwehr member
    linegirl313 said:
    Every mother deserves the ability to feed her baby the way she feels is best for both her baby and for her.

    I'm sorry you got a raw deal, but you did the best you could with BFing, so I hope you can let it go soon and be happy for her.  I also hope that you can BF longer next time. 

     I suspect you will get flamed for this post, but I'd rather you vent here than lose it on the family member.
    thank you, i would never tell her anything and i encourage her to keep BF and help her with any and every resource i have for her to Bf as all as she wants, Its just evny i am feeling

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  • mlandwehrmlandwehr member
    SpankingShank said:
    Oh lord. I was really trying to not be snarky.... That's really crappy of you. And I'm not sure what the point of posting this here is? Commiseration? To ease your guilt of being a jerk? I really hope you never, ever vocalize that to anybody.
    try not to be snarky.... then way say something? i would not, just posted for a way to vent a little so sorry you didn't see it that way
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  • emmy236emmy236 member
    I understand where OP is coming from. R was severely tongue tied and just didn't have the ability to latch. I wanted to breast feed so badly but we just couldn't. My SIL had a baby in September who made my pregnancy hell when we first announced. She hated the attention I got so proclaimed she "hated" babies and wanted nothing to do with them, until she got pregnant 4 months later. Yet, her baby latched like a champ from day 1. Obviously I don't want anything to happen but part of me isn't sympathetic when she says how he's now biting her at every feeding. I support her no matter what and I'm sure OP does the same but we're human and we wanted that option/ability but for one reason or another, we didn't get it. Before everyone completely takes it the wrong way, just realize she doesn't really want anything to go wrong with her family member, but airing her personal grievance.
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  • mlandwehrmlandwehr member
    SaguaroBlossmom said:
    It kind of sounds like you are feeling sorry for yourself and resentful towards your family member. What gets me is that 5 months is a great accomplishment in itself. There are mothers who can not BF at all. There are also mothers who choose to *gasp* formula feed their LO even if they are able to BF. It's not our territory to judge and compare ourselves to other moms. Do what you want and what you are able to do for your LO, and encourage and let your family member know that she is doing a great job. Stop the pity party.
    its not BF/formula feed issue, my sister formula feeds from day one and that is totally fine, just the way i was feeling
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  • surpriseadditionsurpriseaddition member
    OP, I'm sorry BF didn't work out for you. You should take pride in the fact that you tried your best with BF, and succeeded with it for 5 months. It is hard to keep BF when working, and maybe you need to mourn the loss of the experience you wanted. This may be what is driving your desire to be pregnant again too. Try to not focus on your disappointment, and please try not to be resentful of your family member. Be sure you really want another baby before trying, versus just wanting the experience of pregnancy or BF, since having 2 young children is a lot of work. GL!


    **DD1 - 7/9/98**

    **DS - 11/9/00**

    **DD2 - 4/30/13**

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  • emmy236emmy236 member
    edited February 2014
    @scormier123 please don't put words in my mouth. It's ok if you read the post that way, but I didn't. I just feel that we will all hit a point where we're going to be resentful of another mom. Some of us right off the bat with birth and BFing experiences others may be down the line when you see moms who can get their kids to soccer, ballet, and karate while looking put together, while you're struggling and burned your cupcakes for PTA. I just think before we all throw stones we just make sure we're not in (or will be) in glass houses. OP now probably feels like she's an inch tall. Maybe now actually a constructive discussion about dealing with human emotions like these is what she really needs.

    Edit: what @surpriseaddition said was lovely and perfect.
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  • emmy236emmy236 member
    Sorry, thought you were trying to infer from what I was saying. I didn't see that in the OP. My bad
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  • coffeeandbookscoffeeandbooks member
    The way I read this post was that the OP knew her feelings were wrong and was not feeling good about it.     So to me she was just being honest with herself which to me is a good first step in  addressing a problem.
    So, OP,  I think we all of have irrational feelings sometimes...just try to remember that this is about you and and don't wish ill will on someone else because that isn't good for any one..
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  • caden1206caden1206 member
    I understand feelings of jealousy, but PPs are right about how it isn't appropriate to wish bad things on people.  It sounds like you might need to talk to a professional and work through your feelings.  I would try to take that step before you do something you regret like ruin your friendship or get pregnant again.  GL.  I hope you work this all out. 
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  • LaxMOM44LaxMOM44 member
    edited February 2014
    I'll remember never to tell you about accomplishments with my baby. Don't want no ill will coming my way. Also I get the jealousy, i posted early on about how jealous I was of my friend who sneezed and got pregnant and had a baby that has been STTN since 3 months. But i would never wish her ill will and i definitely would never "put it out to the world" by writing it on the inter webs. In fact I use her as inspiration kinda like when you see a super cute celebrity outfit you can't afford but will attempt to recreate at forever 21. 

    Not sure what you wanted to hear from everyone when you said you wished ill on another human being. I mean fuck this parenting thing is hard without other moms hoping we fail. like seriously how mean is that. I guess kudos for owning up to your shitty emotions, but sucks to be your friend if your petty jealousy turns to jinxing. i'm sure you are a good person, but hoping someone else fails because you can't stand them being able to do something you can't is like really crappy. just saying. 

    Edit: notdoingit shank. kiss my perfect butt!

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