XP: daycare teacher pulled me aside today

Meery82 · February 2014

Our daycare has twice a year room changes. Today was the first day of a small move. Everyone moves in August but only some move rooms in February. When I was leaving the daycare this morning, one of the float teachers pulled me aside and asked if Jack was still in the same room and if he was going to move. I told her no, they aren't moving him. She told me that he's the oldest kid in the room and that he should have been moved to the next room; he walks and talks normally so she doesn't see why he was kept where he is and doesn't think he will be challenged enough. I didn't think it was a problem until she said this. I was actually a bit relieved that he wasn't moving because I know how attached he got to one of his infant room teachers and I wasn't sure how well he'd do moving to a new place after only 6 months.

So I called and talked to the director today and asked her why he wasn't moved. She said part of it was based off his walking issues a few months ago. (Back story: he didn't walk until 17 months. A few weeks after he started walking, he went back to crawling because he had fluid in his ears and was off balance. Tubes were placed in December and he immediately went back to walking and now runs. No physical issues now. He is now almost 20 months.) The director said the biggest reason for not moving was his attachment to the teachers. She wasn't sure if he would do too well with new teachers at this point. He does have some trouble with drop off; clinging to me and crying. The teachers help distract and calm him while I leave. I thought this was normal toddler behavior. She said the kids in his class aren't way younger than him, some are only a few months younger.

I think for now, I'll let him stay where he is. It's hard for me to tell how he's doing in there; he only goes 3 days a week and I only do drop offs; DH or my mom do pick ups since I work late. I thought about going in early sometime to watch him interact with the kids, but I think I would be more of a distraction and he would be too worried about what I'm doing. The director said if I continue to be concerned, I can always call her again to discuss it.

Thoughts? Comments? Concerns? This is my first kid and this is all so new to me. I'm not sure what I should or shouldn't be doing here. Sorry this is so long!

Meery82 · February 2014

@Fredalina and @totallynot_isha, I would appreciate your opinions as well, since I know you're both so involved in education. Please tag anyone else you think may have some insight here. Thanks!

@primrosemama, I'd like your opinion, too.

jnnfrrose6 · February 2014

I think you handled it well by speaking to the director about it. It seems odd to me that the floating teacher would pull you aside and question you about this. As a floater, does she know the full history with your son and his delay in walking and thus delay in being moved sooner? Personally, I find it unusual that they only move kids twice a year, but I guess that's more like you would get in school where some kids will be several months older than others in one class, but at our DC they transition the kids based on their development and readiness, not just the calendar.

How do they do the transition when it's time? If they're current concern is his attachment to his current teachers, can they not stagger it so he has an opportunity to adjust to the new teachers before going to the new room cold turkey?

Meery82 · February 2014

jnnfrrose6 said:
I think you handled it well by speaking to the director about it. It seems odd to me that the floating teacher would pull you aside and question you about this. As a floater, does she know the full history with your son and his delay in walking and thus delay in being moved sooner? Personally, I find it unusual that they only move kids twice a year, but I guess that's more like you would get in school where some kids will be several months older than others in one class, but at our DC they transition the kids based on their development and readiness, not just the calendar.

How do they do the transition when it's time? If they're current concern is his attachment to his current teachers, can they not stagger it so he has an opportunity to adjust to the new teachers before going to the new room cold turkey?

I don't think she knows the whole story. I'm not positive. But he is no longer having any walking issues. I know that when he moved last August, they would take the kids to visit their new rooms and teachers a couple times a week for about a week or so before the move.

fanofanne · February 2014

fredalina said:

IAs long as he'll be with his age group in August and will be reassessed next Feb, I wouldn't stress it. If he will always be in a "younger even though he's older" situation, I'd be concerned. That's just me though,

i agree with this...as long as he ends up with his age group i think (if it were me) i'd be okay with it...especially if i was okay with not having him change rooms in the first place.

sorry...there are a lot of "i"s!

DawnLilly · February 2014

I'm a tough love kind of parent. DS is at a home daycare and he went through a time a couple months ago where he would only go to one of the two women who run it. He would also cry when I dropped him off. I would kiss him and tell him to have a good day but not let him cling. I also asked that J(the one he was attached to) would let M(the woman that he didn't take to) start to be the only one who got his food/drinks, cuddles or laid him down. It took just one week before he had no preference.

If this is just about his previous walking issues then I would want him moved up. If he were disabled would they leave him with a younger group just because he is more comfortable and not as likely to be injured by a crazy two year old?

So I guess if it were me I would want him to see that we can be attached to all teachers and people but that things change. And, given the choice I would prefer DS to be in an older age groups to "pull him up" socially and educationally.

fitmom82 · February 2014

everyone seems to push for their LOs to be in an older age group so they'll learn from the older ones. DD was 3 1/2, so quite a bit older than your LO, when she started a new DC. I didn't pay much attention to the room the put her in, I thought it was the 3/4 room, the director said it was better because she wouldn't have to transition again in a few months. She started in September, in December 2 LOs came into the room who were just turning 4, everyone in the room is currently 4 turning 5, DD won't be 4 until March. By the time I realized how much younger she was it was 2 months in and I would have felt horrible putting her in a younger class then, but it's been a long transition. I see how quite she is, she just doesn't fit in well. She talks and it's like she's invisible because she doesn't speak as loudly or clearly as the other kids. I know some kids are quite at school, but I've noticed at birthday parties how different she is from the kids in her class. She's not slow, she was potty trained by 2, she writes well, speaks well, ect., but she's 3. She's finally started to fit in and it's great to see when I pick her up she's playing with the other kids, she hugs them good bye, she talks to them, but it's been a long transition I'd rather she not have had to gone through. Now all the friends she's made will be in Kindergarden in the fall and she'll be making all new friends. All though they're coming into her class now, I'm sure there will be some adjustments since they already have their friends and know one another. I'm just saying, it's not always better to be with the older kids. My daughter has been challenged, but she probably knows way more at 3 than she needs to and hasn't really had as much fun as I would have liked her to.

Meery82 · February 2014

Thanks for the replies. Tomorrow, I'm going to ask his teachers what they think, but I'm probably going to leave him be for now. If he's happy and thriving, then I don't consider it a problem. I will watch and make sure that doesn't change.

Meery82 · February 2014

Ok, so I have an update. I called today to see how Jack was doing at daycare. I asked his teacher for her opinion on him not changing rooms. She told me that she's glad I asked because she and the other teacher think he definitely needs to move to the next room. They actually went to the director and told her this. The director replied with the same thing she told me. The teacher said that there are kids who moved that are younger than him and there is no reason he should be staying where he is. They love having him but thinks that is what's best for him. The director also didn't mention that there are two kids in his current class that are not even a year old yet! The teacher said some of the kids don't really talk either. She said that Jack doesn't use quite as many words as the other kids in his previous class and she doesn't think it would benefit him at all to be around younger children that don't speak much.

For me, this changes everything. I had no idea his teachers felt this way. I value their opinion over the director's, since they are the ones who are with him all day long. The teacher told me she wanted to say something to me this morning when I dropped him off, but didn't want to stick her nose in my business (or something along those lines). I told her never to hesitate to share her concerns with me. I have no other way of knowing! I think I'm going g to call the director tomorrow and tell her he needs to move. My husband is pissed that the director made this decision without consulting us, especially since Jack's teachers disagree with her decision.

DawnLilly · February 2014

I'm not sure why this decision lies with the director only. The teachers are the ones that see him everyday. By your OP what would concern me most about him being with younger kids is the morning drop off. He is just in the midst of the separation anxiety phase. I think it will be harder for him to get past it if the other kids are just starting to go through it and he is reminded everyday.

Let us know how it goes.

BabyNewbury2012 · February 2014

I would like to share a short version of my story. My daughter moved from infant room 100 to room 150 last May when she was 13 months, it was a very easy move, like she didn't even notice! Then in August she moved again to 200, well it was a whole different story!! She had such a hard time, it was so bad I almost quit my job! Thank god my hubby did the drop offs because I would never of been able to leave her. She would cry so hard and it would last so long that the teachers from her old class would come over to help calm her. But eventually she adjusted. Then in October they talked about moving her again, and I really hesitated, she just got used to this class and it was so hard, I didn't want to put her through that so soon again and after talking to her teachers they also expressed worry that she wasn't fully ready emotionally. But it so happened that a spot they thought was available wasn't so she got to stay, I was relieved! However then I paid attention to the kids she was in with, they were younger and she seemed so more advanced then them, like it was almost a little boring for her. In December the teachers told me they thought she was ready and then shortly after a spot opened up, they moved her and she loved it!!! She was even more happier in the new class!!!

In our school they take 1 week where they transition. The kids go to the new class after morning snack until lunchtime and then they go back after their nap. Then after the 1 week they start fulltime. Because they knew I was scared, they told me if she don't do well after a week or 2 I could keep her back. Can your school try something like that? Also ask the teachers, they will be honest with you regarding if they think it is time to move.

Good Luck. I know the stress your feeling because I too felt it. You don't want to move them to early and you don't want to keep them behind.

Good Luck!!!

Meery82 · February 2014

DawnLilly said:

I'm not sure why this decision lies with the director only. The teachers are the ones that see him everyday. By your OP what would concern me most about him being with younger kids is the morning drop off. He is just in the midst of the separation anxiety phase. I think it will be harder for him to get past it if the other kids are just starting to go through it and he is reminded everyday. Let us know how it goes.

I never thought of it this way. You're totally right.

I will keep updating.

Meery82 · February 2014

BabyNewbury2012 said:

I would like to share a short version of my story. My daughter moved from infant room 100 to room 150 last May when she was 13 months, it was a very easy move, like she didn't even notice! Then in August she moved again to 200, well it was a whole different story!! She had such a hard time, it was so bad I almost quit my job! Thank god my hubby did the drop offs because I would never of been able to leave her. She would cry so hard and it would last so long that the teachers from her old class would come over to help calm her. But eventually she adjusted. Then in October they talked about moving her again, and I really hesitated, she just got used to this class and it was so hard, I didn't want to put her through that so soon again and after talking to her teachers they also expressed worry that she wasn't fully ready emotionally. But it so happened that a spot they thought was available wasn't so she got to stay, I was relieved! However then I paid attention to the kids she was in with, they were younger and she seemed so more advanced then them, like it was almost a little boring for her. In December the teachers told me they thought she was ready and then shortly after a spot opened up, they moved her and she loved it!!! She was even more happier in the new class!!!
In our school they take 1 week where they transition. The kids go to the new class after morning snack until lunchtime and then they go back after their nap. Then after the 1 week they start fulltime. Because they knew I was scared, they told me if she don't do well after a week or 2 I could keep her back. Can your school try something like that? Also ask the teachers, they will be honest with you regarding if they think it is time to move.

Good Luck. I know the stress your feeling because I too felt it. You don't want to move them to early and you don't want to keep them behind.

Good Luck!!!

I do think he would be fine moving. He moved from the Infant room to this room at14 months and did okay. I think the crying is partly related to the fact that he only goes 3 days a week and is home with me 4 days a week. And, as DawnLilly said, he's in a separation anxiety phase. It seems the director is more worried about it than me. That or she has some other reason for not moving him that she's not sharing and using that as an excuse. Jack is picked up later than most kids, and they combine kids at the end of the day. My husband usually picks him up in a different room with different teachers. He always appears to be happy and having a good time. And there are always different teachers floating in and out of his room to keep the kid:teacher ratio correct. So I really don't think a move would be traumatic for him. And I especially think it will benefit him now that I am hearing the teachers' opinions. I just wish they had told me sooner! And I'm pretty pissed the director shut them down when theirs opinions matter most since they are the ones who are with him all day.

Meery82 · February 2014

Last update: I called the director today and found out that she is out of the office until next week. I talked to one of the other managers who is involved in this and told her my concerns. She said she would try to reach the director by email and get this resolved sooner. I had a voice mail this afternoon saying that Jack will be moved to his new room on Monday. His next and last day in his current room is tomorrow and they will take him over for a while to help acclimate him. They made it a lot easier than I expected them to! I'm glad it's taken care of! Thanks again everyone for all your replies!

ah625 · February 2014

YAY, I'm glad it all worked out for the best for him.

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