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Babies on the Brain
lauraprinceton
member
TTC talk with DH
lauraprinceton
member
Hi all, let me ask you all for advice on how to raise some delicate issues in conversation with my husband. We were married last fall and have been together since June 2011. He is turning 30 and I am 26. We moved out to the east coast in Aug 2012 for his job and the adventure and it took me until june 2012 to find a job. So we are now doing alright financially except for my repayment of student loans which i would like to put about $600/month towards.
So everything is fine, and we plan on staying out here until about the end of 2015 when he will need to move again for the next phase of his career.
My dilemma is that he is super adamant on wanting to start TTC this year. Like around sept or so, planning for a june/July 2015 birth depending on if we got pregnant right away. While I am very excited to start our family, and feel like I would be a wonderful mom and he a wonderful dad, I do not want to go back to the feelings I had last year of being underemployed and never making enough money, which I may have to do as soon as I give birth.
I don't make enough for it to be cost effective for us to put the baby in child care nor do I want to. I work in a job where I am commuting 1-1.5 hours a day and I feel guilty enough that we leave our dog home alone for such a long time during the day, so working in my current job post baby is a no-go for me.
The issue is that my husband seems to think that I will be able to work part time or be able to find part time work from home very easily with a newborn so that I can cover my student loans payments and also contribute to the family income. It's not that I don't want to be employed outside of being a mom, its just that he seems to have this expectation that some dream nannying job is going to fall in my lap where I can watch our newborn and some other kid at the same time and make 1000 a month. When we've talked about it I've expressed concern that post birth I may not be able to do that. Our kid could be born with health complications or who knows what. I am not a lazy person and was very active in trying to find a job when we moved while holding down two part time jobs, but he references that year I was out of full time work like i would put off trying to find work post pregnancy. When I talk to him about our potential money situation post birth, I say what if I couldn't work or the baby had to go to drs appts all the time or i have post partum depression or something he just says "we'll work it out" and "you'll have to try and find some work while you're pregnant and at this job so you can seamlessly transfer into a new position once the baby is born because we don't want another situation like last year when it took you so long to find full time work".
Is it just me or is he totally unrealistic???
I'm also not excited about being so far away from family when having my first baby.
I just want to feel supported by family and being alone out east, taking care of dog and newborn with the expectation that I will be able to do that while holding down full or part time work and all the housework seems baffling to me. Am I justbeing overlysensitive or something?
So everything is fine, and we plan on staying out here until about the end of 2015 when he will need to move again for the next phase of his career.
My dilemma is that he is super adamant on wanting to start TTC this year. Like around sept or so, planning for a june/July 2015 birth depending on if we got pregnant right away. While I am very excited to start our family, and feel like I would be a wonderful mom and he a wonderful dad, I do not want to go back to the feelings I had last year of being underemployed and never making enough money, which I may have to do as soon as I give birth.
I don't make enough for it to be cost effective for us to put the baby in child care nor do I want to. I work in a job where I am commuting 1-1.5 hours a day and I feel guilty enough that we leave our dog home alone for such a long time during the day, so working in my current job post baby is a no-go for me.
The issue is that my husband seems to think that I will be able to work part time or be able to find part time work from home very easily with a newborn so that I can cover my student loans payments and also contribute to the family income. It's not that I don't want to be employed outside of being a mom, its just that he seems to have this expectation that some dream nannying job is going to fall in my lap where I can watch our newborn and some other kid at the same time and make 1000 a month. When we've talked about it I've expressed concern that post birth I may not be able to do that. Our kid could be born with health complications or who knows what. I am not a lazy person and was very active in trying to find a job when we moved while holding down two part time jobs, but he references that year I was out of full time work like i would put off trying to find work post pregnancy. When I talk to him about our potential money situation post birth, I say what if I couldn't work or the baby had to go to drs appts all the time or i have post partum depression or something he just says "we'll work it out" and "you'll have to try and find some work while you're pregnant and at this job so you can seamlessly transfer into a new position once the baby is born because we don't want another situation like last year when it took you so long to find full time work".
Is it just me or is he totally unrealistic???
I'm also not excited about being so far away from family when having my first baby.
I just want to feel supported by family and being alone out east, taking care of dog and newborn with the expectation that I will be able to do that while holding down full or part time work and all the housework seems baffling to me. Am I justbeing overlysensitive or something?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: TTC talk with DH
I wholeheartedly agree with everything Joy has said.
Do you mind sharing what field you work in or would want to work in post baby?
Also-- if you are really interested in becoming a nanny- get your resume together (assuming you have had child care experience) and think about putting a profile up on care.com or sittercity.com.
BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12
I think primarily I'm afraid of all the changes there could be to our lives especially since I've just started feeling comfortable about our financial situation so recently and he's only giving me vague answers. Maybe I will be feeling more confident by this fall, but as of now I just feel like I'm on a teeter-toter where sometimes I'm ecstatic to start our family, and sometimes I have severe reservations about it. Is this normal?
I would think it abnormal if you didn't have reservations!
Serously, having a child changes every aspect of your life. Not saying all of the changes are bad, but change frightens most people.
It's wise to take your time on a decision this big. Don't let your H pressure you.
BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12