What does your daughter call SD?

cabbage5215 · December 2008

Just curious- I have an infant but am not with the BD. He is in the picture(kinda) but he lives about 5000 miles away and has seen our daughter one week out of the last 4 months . Since she has no idea who he is and he'll probably visit for a week about every six months I'm not sure how it is going to work out in the future when I am in a serious relationship and her father figure is different from her actual father. (I'm not going to have a bunch of guys around her, I am talking when I'm with the right person and I eventually remarry). I know BD is not going to want anyone to be "dad" but him so I'm not actually sure how that works. Do you make sure daughter calls SD by first name or is "dad" acceptable? Any insight? I'm just want to see how others do it.

cabbage5215 · December 2008

By SD I meant Step Dad.

hindsight's_a_biotch · December 2008

She calls him daddy. She calls her father her "udder daddy." But I wouldn't recommend that to anyone. Pinky was calling him daddy back before her father and I split up, before I started dating H, etc. In fact, when H -back when we were all friends- told her not to call him daddy in her father's hearing, he turned to H and practically yelled at him for talking to his daughter that way.

So he gets what he gets.

taagent · December 2008

It is really going to depend on how your your child is at the time. When BM first started dating her current bf SD started to call him daddy because that is what bf's daughter called him. DH was pissed! Especially because he was in her life, and had basically raised SD by himself for two years after BM walked out.

Now she refers to him (BM's bf) by his first name, which is also what she does with me or as stepdad/stepmom. Sometimes I get mommy sarah. It is funny that you posted this because DH and I were talking about this recently. DH told BM he didn't appreciate SD referring to her bf as daddy and her not correcting her. BM didn't really give two sh!ts how DH felt and so DH had to sit down and talk to SD about how it hurt his feelings.

last month I get a phone call from BM asking me what SD calls me. She wanted to make sure that SD wasn't calling me mommy or mom. I thought it was funny that she was SO concerned yet when DH was hurt she could care less! She said that nicknames were okay - SD was with her and pointed out that apparently BM's bf's daughter made a nasty comment about me (which I hadn't heard) and BM wanted to tell all about it and what was said (wasn't that nice of her!).

I also think it may make a difference when DH and I have more kids.

MrsSledge · December 2008

My SK's call their SD and me by our first names. DH would not be happy if they called StepDad dad or anything like that so they go by his first name. BM has said it is alright for the kids to call me mom, but I've told the youngest (the only one who has brought it up) that she only has one mom.

We have a really good relationship with BM and StepD so it isn't like I'm replaing BM, and I would not want my DD calling someone else mom.

sabrina69barnes · December 2008

My son calls my husband daddy. His BF was really upset about it at first but is fine with it now since that is what my son insists on calling him.

princess28 · December 2008

She calls him Dad.

Bio Father has never been in the picture.

My step daughter calls me by my first name. We have her half the time.

Ilumine · December 2008

I would tread very carefully with this one.

1) It DOES depend on the relationship between child and bio-parent,

2) It DOES depend on what the CHILD wants (that means NO influences by YOU or SD)

3) It DOES depend on what the SD wants (that means no influences by YOU).

4) It DOES depend on the age the "new father figure" arrives (you aren't even in a relationship now....)

Just because the BD is not in the picture now, does not mean that BD could not be more in the picture in the future. You ARE 5000 miles apart you know.

Personally, I would be irked if my ex allowed my child to call someone else mother, when the only thing keeping us apart from constant contact was 5000 miles. I would look at a change in custody then.

sxu0007 · December 2008

My daughters call my husband by his first name, his kids also call me by my first name.

mom2one · December 2008

DS calls my husband dad...which has been a source of contention for his father and is one reason why our families don't spend much time together. I do spend some time with my ex and his girlfriend with DS but my husband isn't included. Usually it's ok though because drop offs happen before my husband gets home from work.

odear · December 2008

This really isn't something you can plan. You just have to see what feels right when the time comes.

kristin329 · December 2008

My daughter calls my husband by his name. She was older when we married. My brother has a step son and he has been his father since he was like 3, he's 16 now. He calls my brother Dad and we all consider him my brothers son. He has no relationship with his biological father.

Laurie_Valqui · December 2008

My SD calls me by my first name and her step dad by his first name as well.

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