Intro & Question!

Re: Intro & Question!

• JackoftheBox member

  February 2014

  OAD is a decision only you and your SO can make. There are so many benefits and plenty of love and support with the little family you make. Your child will grow to be happy and healthy rather they are an only or a sibset. Follow your heart and trust your gut.
  
  BTW hi and welcome!

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• KatieB19 member

  February 2014

  Hi!

  
  

  I agree with @jackofthebox that it's a decision that you and your H will have to come to together. You mentioned his parents wanting more.... wellll they aren't exactly the ones having and raising more children, so honestly, they shouldn't even be part of the equation IMO.

  
  

  As far as the "only child title"... I'm not quite sure I get that. Do you just mean the feelings you have about having just one? Or her (potential) feelings about being an only? Whether you have more children or only have one, the consensus (on this board anyway) seem to be that you should do what's right for the family as a whole, not for the child(ren) only. So, don't "give" your child a sibling; have another because you don't feel like your family is complete.

  
  

  When I think about having another, I think about the time that would be taken away from DS and it makes me sad. I see possibilities in how having a second could offer him a companion, but I also see how easily he plays by himself and wonder how that wouldn't be disrupted with a younger sibling. I also am completely in love with him and think he is so perfect (see my sap post ) and worry that having another child will change him in some way.

  
  

  There was about 6 months in there, after DS turned 2, that I became a fence sitter. Every one of my above arguments has a counter point, and depending on the day I would see having a second as either the best or the stupidest idea ever. But I've been OAD since 3 months pregnant, so I came to rest on the oad side of the fence. I think it happened shortly after DS got sick and threw up all over his bed, lol.

  
  

  My point is, if you don't know, just give it time. Talk to your husband. Think about how you envision your family in the future. How many people are there? That can help too... there's always only three of us in my picture, even when I was on the fence.

  
  

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• EMarieMe member

  February 2014

  Welcome to the group. There are a ton of great ladies here and I hope you continue to pop in. Now, regarding your issue, I echo what others said above. You compromise on paint colors, or a car, but not a kid. Two yes, one no. And his parents have zero say in your marital decisions. This is such a private matter. Whatever you decide good luck!

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• PhantomPower member

  February 2014

  Welcome!
  
  I agree with the others about deciding with your H. Unless there is a health reason, age reason, etc. then try to give yourself time to make a decision. I know how frustrating it can be to be on the fence, but it's a huge decision and your feelings may change with time.
  
  I would not let my in-laws effect mine and my H's final decision on the size of our family. They're not going to be raising your kids. Grandparents can hand the kids over while you're the one who will have to deal with the day-to-day realities.
  
  As far as taking away only child status: I did feel sad about not being able to devote 100% of my parenting energy to Cooper if we had another. That was part of my final decision. Not necessarily because he wouldn't be doted on or paid attention to if he had a sibling. I just don't think I would have been as good of a mom with 2. Some people can be fantastic moms to several LOs, but I don't think I would be.
  

  

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• PB102012 member

  February 2014

  Welcome! Good luck with your decision!

   

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• AF9211 member

  February 2014

  Thank you for your responses & feedback everyone! I should clarify a few things that I didn't explain right the first time ">

  My parents & DH's parents are never a factor in our decision making. We would never have/not have another child because of what our extended family thinks. DH's parents just like to offer unsolicited advice/opinions...and theirs is that we should have another baby because they have 3 children and enjoyed their experience...don't want them to get a bad rap...they truly mean well!

  By writing this post I just wanted to see if any other on-the-fencers had the same feelings as I do. I completely agree/understand that this is an intimate family decision DH and I will eventually have to make. Being an only child is my experiene & having close siblings is my husband's. When I said I feel sad about taking my DD's only child "title" away from her, I guess I meant that since I'm an only child, I know what she would be missing out on if another child came into the picture (and yet I don't know what she'd be gaining by becoming a big sister).

  Thanks for the warm welcome & your patience with my newbie weirdo questions! I look forward to hangin' out on your board some more! 

   

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• Chapter79 member

  February 2014

  I think everyone kinda covered what I would have said, but wanted to welcome you. Hi!
  

  E+C

  (+ hers and his, ages 13 & 8)

  TTC
  

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• this decaf life member

  February 2014

  I definitely wouldn't want babies too close in age because of my "fear" of "taking something away" from DD. I think she needs time to be my baby, have my attention and my affection. I fear less for her getting a sibling than I do for said sibling though. I would never be able to give as much to a second baby as I've given to DD.

  
  

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• Moosesoar member

  February 2014

  Welcome and ditto everyone else.

  
  
  OaD August siggy challenge- fav show that's off the air:
  
  

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• NewMrs07 member

  February 2014

  Siblings don't always get along or stay close throughout life. I have a brother who's 2 years younger and another brother who's 8 years younger (an "oops" for my parents, who were only planning on 2). Sooo, I remember playing with the brother that's only 2 yrs younger, but now, I actually am not close with either of them. I have nothing in common with them and they are both a source of stress and anxiety for my parents, for many reasons I can't get into right now.
  
  Most of the time I feel like an only child, only worse, because I'm not and my parents have no energy left for me since they're dealing with my brothers' sh!t all the time.
  
  My husband on the other hand, has a wonderful relationship with his brother. My mom was an only child and my dad has one sister who he doesn't talk to. So there you have it. Don't have another kid just so that your first one can have company because not all siblings get along or enjoy each other. And then there's the issue of delaying retirement and additional expenses than come with more than one child.
  
  I wanted 2 kids in theory but Mother Nature seems to have decided that it's One and Done for us, so I'm actually warming up to the idea. LO is starting Kinder this year and I like the fact that we don't have to deal with bottles and diapers anymore and can actually enjoy our own lives a little more now. With an infant and toddler, you have to make so many sacrifices. I'm not sure I want to go there again.
  
  But it's a personal decision, only you can decide what's best. Good luck!
  

  Me: 44 DH: 42. DS born healthy at 40 weeks 8/24/09. TTC since then with no luck or ART. Surprise BFP 8/6/14... MMC @ 8 weeks 4 days... Miss you everyday sweet baby angel.

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