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DH and DS vent-housecleaning

softservecitysoftservecity member
in May 2014 Moms
Why am I the only one who knows where crap goes in this house and I'm also the only one who actually puts it there? My DH is too old and has lived on his own too long to think that living in a cluttered trashy mess is acceptable, especially with a baby on the way. My DS is 14 and the few things I ask him to do never get done. The sink is piled high daily (I use like 2/3 things and I promptly rinse them off) with plates and bowls still caked with whatever was in them, left sitting for someone else to do. And guess who does it... Me, because I get tired of asking for them to do it! I've tried to explain, I've reminded them that the doc says I'm supposed to take it easy (basically house work that requires standing or carrying is out). My 14 year old gives me attitude and DH says "ok" cleans something on one day then let's it all pile again. Am I being totally unreasonable? One of my friends suggested a chore chart with DH on it and honestly I think it's silly because he's a grown man who shouldn't need a chore chart! Ok, rant over and I feel just a little better now :-)
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Re: DH and DS vent-housecleaning

  • Chellbell20Chellbell20 member
    I had to make a chore chart for DH and I at one point. I put myself on there just so it wasn't all him, I did my stuff. DH honestly forgot he even needed to do things and for whatever reason saw nothing wrong with the dirtiness (insert eyeroll).

    Does your son get an allowance, see his friends, have a phone or other electronic? I don't have a teen, but I know when I was one if I didn't do my chores (my parents had a list split between my sister and I) we didn't get our allowance or lost other privileges. We did our chores without being told.

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  • awc1986awc1986 member
    I feel your pain on the lazy DH front, but I think you're being optimistic to think that you can get your 14yo to help out around the house. If you can do that, then the White House needs to give you a job.

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    09/23/11 - Married DH

    04/01/13 - BFP at 4wks

    05/30/13 - MMC - BO @ 12wks 5d

    08/29/13 - BFP @ 4wks 4d

    09/17/13 - 7wks 2d - Normal HB Detected! Baby measuring perfect for dates and positioning!  

    10/23/13 - 12wks 3d - Perfect NT scan! HB 167 & baby wriggling, waving & yawning!

    12/17/13 - 20wks 2 d - We're having a beautiful baby girl! Go Team Pink!

    05/03/14 - Bobbie Gloria was born at 39+6 weighing 6lb 14oz!

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  • ns1ns1 member
    With DH, we had this issue early on, but now he has taken on a ton of the housework and I love it!  It's glorious.  One thing we did was to make a list of the things around the house that we regularly do.  I think it was helpful to compare for one, but also for him to see what it is that I do...I don't think half the time he even knew someone did it; it just happened.  

    As far as the 14 year old, I don't have any personal experience, but I did just read a book (1-2-3 Magic) with a suggestion that if the kid gets an allowance of some sort you can say, Okay, you do x, y, and z (your laundry, your dishes, clean your room, etc.) and if they're not done by you on this day, then I will do them...BUT you'll pay me (set an amount) to do each of those things.  No personal experience with it, but just an idea!  
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  • softservecitysoftservecity member
    lica001 said:
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    That's exactly what DH suggested for DS! Think I could do it for DH!? :-)
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  • oscarwaooscarwao member
    I don't know if your 14 yr old had a phone, but IMO parents taking phones away from teenagers is the most effective form of punishment EVER. Maybe threaten to take it away and the dishes will get done ;)
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  • PattyTCPattyTC member
    I don't have a teenager but if you figure out how to get your DH to help could you please let me know.
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  • skyrocketsskyrockets member
    Mine has chores like the garbage and litterbox, empties and loads the dishwasher. He also gasses up the car. I do laundry, vacuuming, kitchen, bathrooms and dishes by hand. It might not be equitable but it works for us.
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  • flutepharm87flutepharm87 member
    Ugh, I totally feel you on this one! I spend so much of my off time cleaning the house, only to come home and it be a complete wreck. I get that the twins (who are almost 3) are like little tornadoes and it's impossible to clean anything while they're awake, but once they go down, DH just relaxes on the computer and waits for me to come home and clean after working 13 hours shifts at the pharmacy. He can't even attempt to maintain the cleaning I do. So frustrating!

    One of the things I tried once that worked was Chore Wars. It's a website and you create an account for the family. You list all the chores that need to be done and add a profile for each family member. You earn experience points for doing certain chores (like, taking out the trash might be worth 5 exp because it's easy, while laundry might be worth 20 because it's a PITA). You set the point values and come up with rewards your family members can cash in when they earn enough points. Something they'd really like. I didn't maintain it after we moved, but it worked like a charm for us because DH is so competitive and it was like a game. He always to get more points per week than me. I never cared if he "won", because I had a clean house!
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  • softservecitysoftservecity member
    flutepharm87 said:
    Ugh, I totally feel you on this one! I spend so much of my off time cleaning the house, only to come home and it be a complete wreck. I get that the twins (who are almost 3) are like little tornadoes and it's impossible to clean anything while they're awake, but once they go down, DH just relaxes on the computer and waits for me to come home and clean after working 13 hours shifts at the pharmacy. He can't even attempt to maintain the cleaning I do. So frustrating!

    One of the things I tried once that worked was Chore Wars. It's a website and you create an account for the family. You list all the chores that need to be done and add a profile for each family member. You earn experience points for doing certain chores (like, taking out the trash might be worth 5 exp because it's easy, while laundry might be worth 20 because it's a PITA). You set the point values and come up with rewards your family members can cash in when they earn enough points. Something they'd really like. I didn't maintain it after we moved, but it worked like a charm for us because DH is so competitive and it was like a game. He always to get more points per week than me. I never cared if he "won", because I had a clean house!

    My DH is a huge gamer so he may like this idea. DS too... Thanks! I'll check it out.
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  • MwyldMwyld member
    edited February 2014
    I work at a foster care agency and most of my clients are 13-16 year old boys. They gain electronic time by doing chores... certain chores get them a half hour of play station, other chores an hour, etc. They also have to turn in their cell phones at a designated time, but they can use electronic time to keep their phones longer. It seems to work for the parents I work with. This way they don't feel punished for not doing chores, it's more a reward for when they do.
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