Faith Friday

schulme2 · January 2014

‘Do not be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them’” (Daniel 10:12).

Do you struggle more with your faith when there are other stressors in your life added onto your grief?

In what ways have you grown from your loss?

Any new struggles/revelations this week?

stefuge · February 2014

Do you struggle more with your faith when there are other stressors in your life added onto your grief?
Not sure how to answer this - at this point the grief has been all-consuming. Other stress feels very insignificant compared to the pain of losing Colton,

In what ways have you grown from your loss?
My faith is stronger than I realized. And I am getting better about sharing my faith and expressing what God is doing in my life and through our loss.

Any new struggles/revelations this week?
Everything I have read this past week is about trust and putting all our trust in God, both with the big and little things. I feel like I trust God, but more so with the big picture rather than day to day and I feel like he is asking me to trust him with everything, which is hard. Now that we have lost a child I feel like anything can happen, and that scares me. I trust him and yet I don't.

veetveet · February 2014

I have no faith left. No god would let these terrible things happen to innocent and precious babies.

GymSpaz26 · February 2014

Any new struggles/revelations this week?
Everything I have read this past week is about trust and putting all our trust in God, both with the big and little things. I feel like I trust God, but more so with the big picture rather than day to day and I feel like he is asking me to trust him with everything, which is hard. Now that we have lost a child I feel like anything can happen, and that scares me. I trust him and yet I don't.

Wow, stefuge, your answer to this question really resonated with me. I wasn't even going to post right now because I didn't feel like I had adequate answers tonight. I can totally identify with what you said. In so many big ways, I know and trust that God is in control. Even in losing Zedekiah. But yet I have such a hard time trusting in the little day to day things sometimes. I also have that new understanding and fear that anything can happen. What was the probability that my baby who was perfectly healthy would die in his sleep the first night home from the hospital? Probably not much more than 0%. If that can happen, anything can happen.

Okay, so I have no idea how to tag someone or respond to someone in my post... Help!...

My answers:

Do you struggle more with your faith when there are other stressors in your life added onto your grief? Do I struggle more with faith, no. But struggle more with just making it through each day, yes.

In what ways have you grown from your loss? This is a very hard question. One thing, I think I've realized how fragile each persons life is, including my own. I guess it has made me really stop and think about what I am doing with my life, how I interact with others, etc. I guess realizing that I need to make the most of each moment and each relationship. (I'm not sure if that counts as growing... but I'll say it does.)

Any new struggles/revelations this week? This week has been very, very difficult. I've struggled with letting my emotions be in charge (which leads to frustration and depression). One revelation that did encourage me some was in reading "A Mother's Grief Observed", realizing that God counted the hairs on Zedekiah's head and the days of his life, the breaths in his body. That number was finished. He lived 100% of his little life. It is a very hard thing to wrap my head around logically, but at the same time, for some reason it has been comforting to me.

schulme2 · February 2014

** LO Mentioned**

Do you struggle more with your faith when there are other stressors in your life added onto your grief?

I asked this because the other day my son (Mary's twin) has been really struggling with feeding issues for months and he had a terrible day. At the end of it, I had a break down when praying. I found myself saying "You killed one baby and now you're hurting the other one!" I felt terrible for having these thoughts but that's honestly how I felt at the moment! Like, "enough already!" Wasn't losing Mary enough? Stop punishing us! I just find that my grief is magnified on days where we have other troubles.

In what ways have you grown from your loss? I have definitely learned to let go of the small stuff and that most everything is small stuff. I've grown in my role as a mother both to a living child and a child in heaven.

Any new struggles/revelations this week? Just trying to get back to a positive place after my little break down. Watched our church online yesterday and feel a bit better.

@veetveet. I think many of us have had that struggle. "If He was good, how could He let such awful things happen?" I know it's so hard to get over that idea and I still struggle with it sometimes but all I can say is pray on it. Tell God you're angry and disappointed, He can take it. We have had the same discussion on a previous Faith Friday... If you're interested you may want to look through some old ones. Some of these ladies have really helped me put it into perspective.

stefuge · February 2014

@GymSpaz26 - psalm 139:13-16 has been an incredible source of comfort for me, and really the verse I most associate with Colton's life. As you said, God knew the days of Zedekiah's life before they began, and He is in control. We can not begin to understand the whys, but it does comfort me to know that this was not some random act. God loves our babies so much, and He has guaranteed that they will never know pain, or fear, and they will only know love.

@veetveet - I'm sorry things are so impossible right now. We have all had those same thoughts - and that's okay. God can handle it. He can take your anger and your tears. As schulme2 said, pray on it. And if you don't mind, I'll be praying for you as well. ((Hugs))

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