Suddenly DH has an opinion.

JessWhatINeeded · February 2014

He's been totally hands off and ambivalent about nursery decorating, baby gear, clothing etc., leaving me to make decisions, which is fine. Now at the 11th hour he tells me my choices are "too girly". (Our baby's gender is a surprise). I guess my idea of gender neutral differs from his. Anyway he hates the wall art I was so proud of, and the diaper bag I picked out. Yes, there is some peach colors in the art, but it's for a baby not a grown man. Pastels are acceptable! And the diaper bag is primary color striped. Not flowery or girl colored at all. If he wanted a plain black one he should have spoke up! As if he'll ever carry it anyway...diaper bags by nature are going to look like a purse you macho buffoon!
Anyways, if baby is a boy I'm in trouble.

NoelMarieFrey · February 2014

The diaper bag was a huge deal with my SO. I wanted a animal print one that looked like a purse (so I wouldn't have to carry mine anyone) and he wanted a plain black one! We registered for both, an thankfully got both. If we didn't get his, he would have thrown a fit lol

tell him that it's his fault he didnt speak up sooner, or say something while you were dealing with it ... FWIW, from what you said, I think it sounds about as gender neutral as it can be

. I'm sorry. ((Hugs)) he will get over it one way or another.

ramfan05 · February 2014

Hey, if he didn't want it to look too "girly", he should've said something while the nursery was being worked on and other decisions being made! Too late, I say!

tangerinemachine · February 2014

My DH needed his own diaper bag too. His looks like a black laptop bag it even has a pouch for a cell phone. I don't know what it is about diaper bags but he definitely had an opinion.

SuzyQq02 · February 2014

I made sure he registered for his own diaper bag! I wanted something I would like carrying since its basically going to be my purse, so I told him if he didn't want the pink and black bag, he better pick out his own. ;-) he got a black messenger bag.

I'm sorry he's waiting till now to spring this on you... I'm sure your decor is adorable! But definitely tell him too bad so sad on that one.

micaelasmakeup · February 2014

Yeah DH has his own diaper bag he uses when he's out.
My diaper bag looks like a purse so when I (rarely) ask him to carry it in somewhere it's no worse than any man helping carry his wife's purse.
Tell him to GTFOI!

slwprincess · February 2014

My DH has his own "manly" diaper bag. I didn't even consider not getting him one... I knew I wanted mine to double as a purse and he wouldn't carry it. But I also agree it's a bit late for him to suddenly get so opinionated. Particularly about the nursery. If he doesn't like it, tell him to get busy finding an alternative. Otherwise, shut it.

1linedrawing · February 2014

You can tell him 1linedrawing's response is, "Tough shit, bro. If you don't like the bag, go buy yourself one and pack it. Problem solved."

BB0214 · February 2014

I'd be pissed too! But it's too late for him to voice his opinion!
And if he's so bothered by the diaper bag, then he can get his own.

jpoindahouse · February 2014

Yeah I got DH a NY Giants Diaper bag and he loves it...anything to encourage him changing diapers. In terms of the nursery being too "girly" that's just ridiculous.

Scottnsaranhenri · February 2014

I'm fortunate too, my husband never cared. He never even wanted a bag. He was totally fine using whatever I had. His thought was, "no one is going to mistake this for anything other then what it is." I'm a man with a baby, obviously this is a diaper bag. As far as the nursery goes, I wouldn't worry too much. Remember, the nursery is for you way more then it is for the baby. You are going to make changes and updates along the way based on who the child is. Doesn't matter when they're infants. The space is for you to enjoy and you're the one who has to be in there looking at it. So of course its going to reflect more of your taste. We are team green too, & my nursery is very girly. I can't help it. I'm feeling girl. I would really like a girl. If its a boy, there will be some changes. But not for a while. There is nothing wrong with my boy having some purple in his room.

RondackHiker · February 2014

I'd tell him tough shit at this point (assuming you did ask for his input and listen to him). I'd also ask him point blank what harm a bit of peach or ~gasp~ PINK will do to his son. It's not like it'll make his penis fall off.

If baby is a boy, toss a few more blue things in there and tell dh to suck it up. He can carry (and stock) his own diaper bag (or back pack) if he wants.

amerk1107 · February 2014

I'd would be livid! Thankfully DH hasn't had much opinion on things surrounding the baby's bedding or diaper bag. But I did tell him if he didn't like the bag I bought he was more than welcome to stick what he needed into one of his many bookbags when has baby without me or get over it. But for the most part 90% of the big ticket items are gender neutral even though we know the sex of baby to be a girl, because I intend to use the same 'big ticket' items for when we have baby number two, plus I absolutely hate pink...

Caldecott22 · February 2014

JessWhatINeeded said:
He's been totally hands off and ambivalent about nursery decorating, baby gear, clothing etc., leaving me to make decisions, which is fine. Now at the 11th hour he tells me my choices are "too girly". (Our baby's gender is a surprise). I guess my idea of gender neutral differs from his. Anyway he hates the wall art I was so proud of, and the diaper bag I picked out. Yes, there is some peach colors in the art, but it's for a baby not a grown man. Pastels are acceptable! And the diaper bag is primary color striped. Not flowery or girl colored at all. If he wanted a plain black one he should have spoke up! As if he'll ever carry it anyway...diaper bags by nature are going to look like a purse you macho buffoon!
Anyways, if baby is a boy I'm in trouble.

I have been team green with all 3 of mine. Did a big nursery w number 1 and it was mostly pastels. Once DS arrived I added some blue accents. Tell him to relax

PIP your nursery if you want us to validate your choices lol.

kcmarx11 · February 2014

I got my own diaper bag and he got his own diaper backpack

JessWhatINeeded · February 2014

Thanks. He might just be making a stink for attention. I will see if having a second simple black backpack is something he wants. I did tell him if it ends up being a boy I can easily change out the peach colored fabric hoops for more green blue and brown.

BB0214 · February 2014

My H just told me that if he's too lazy to pack his backpack for the baby when he has her and he takes my bag, he's just going to say that it's her purse. That's a good thing about having a girl.

jpoindahouse · February 2014

The picture of the nursery you posted is totally gender neutral. I was expecting something much more feminine based on you OP.

tasogirl1 · February 2014

For Christmas I got my DH a diaper dude and filled it with things he would need. He loved it and I love my diaper bag so that saved an argument!

RondackHiker · February 2014

So I'm tired and grumpy but I've been thinking this all afternoon. It's not just based off this thread but off other things I've seen lately.

What's wrong with "girly"? What's wrong with a baby boy being near peach or pink... When most people wouldn't fuss about a baby girl being near blue or green? Why is it considered "cool" to give a little girl a masculine boy's name but if someone considered giving a boy a traditionally girl's name, people would say he'd be teased?

Why is being masculine seen as desirable and feminine something to be avoided?

Caldecott22 · February 2014

Looks great to me. It will develop into a boy or girl room naturally once baby comes --- you will get more pink or blue blankets, a pink or blue piggy bank, maybe another gender specific piece of wall art etc. Remind him it's a work in progress.

1linedrawing · February 2014

megash113 said:

RondackHiker said:

So I'm tired and grumpy but I've been thinking this all afternoon. It's not just based off this thread but off other things I've seen lately.

What's wrong with "girly"? What's wrong with a baby boy being near peach or pink... When most people wouldn't fuss about a baby girl being near blue or green? Why is it considered "cool" to give a little girl a masculine boy's name but if someone considered giving a boy a traditionally girl's name, people would say he'd be teased?

Why is being masculine seen as desirable and feminine something to be avoided?

Agreed. DH and I both loved Kelly as a name for a boy, because Irish. We were talking about it in public, and an old woman was eavesdropping and told us that our son would "wind up a fag" if we named him Kelly. Sigh.

And there's nothing feminine about that nursery.

1linedrawing · February 2014

OP- looks like a baby's room to me.

Your H is whack.

Robinandbaby · February 2014

That room is totally gender neutral...and adorable!! Also, i totally agree with the pp's who said their husbands don't mind carrying the baby bag that isn't totally masculine. It's clearly a diaper bag! Does he think someone will think he's carrying it for his own personal needs?!

JessWhatINeeded · February 2014

Regarding society's double standard for acceptable gender mixing e.g boys names for girls. You're right. DH wanted a baby girl to be named "Ryan" but vetoed some of my boy names for being not manly enough. His boy choice was "Hank". I get his family is more conservative, down-home country-fied than me. They hunt and drive trucks and play sports. My brother is gay and I'm a liberal. We've got different ideas of how to treat the issue of masculine / feminine.

RondackHiker · February 2014

I'd point blank ask him what is wrong with being a woman or a girl or having traits that are traditionally seen as female traits.

I'd also want to start a calm discussion with him about gender. If you have a little boy, he will want to play with dolls and cook in a play kitchen (or a real one) and he will imitate you and may pretend to wear a dress or try on your heels or make up. Your H needs to know that now and accept it and get over it.

I'd be worried he'd spend time telling a son to "man up" and "be a man". That's not okay and the sooner you talk about it the better... As well as what is and isn't acceptable if your son or daughter turns out to be homosexual.

cjmFeb2014 · February 2014

megash113 said:

RondackHiker said:

So I'm tired and grumpy but I've been thinking this all afternoon. It's not just based off this thread but off other things I've seen lately.

What's wrong with "girly"? What's wrong with a baby boy being near peach or pink... When most people wouldn't fuss about a baby girl being near blue or green? Why is it considered "cool" to give a little girl a masculine boy's name but if someone considered giving a boy a traditionally girl's name, people would say he'd be teased?

Why is being masculine seen as desirable and feminine something to be avoided?

Agreed. DH and I both loved Kelly as a name for a boy, because Irish. We were talking about it in public, and an old woman was eavesdropping and told us that our son would "wind up a fag" if we named him Kelly. Sigh.

And there's nothing feminine about that nursery.

Throat punch plz?

A) A name will not make your baby gay.

There's nothing wrong with being gay even if that were the case.

Grrrrrr.

cjmFeb2014 · February 2014

OP, I can't see the pictures because my work wifi is stupid, but I'll echo what PP have said - he needs to get over it.

goobermom · February 2014

Your nursery is totally cute for any baby! He definitely needs to get over himself and take a chill pill.

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