Loss check in

shandorfml2 · January 2014

Welcome to the checkin! I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

QOTW: How do you take care of yourself when feeling overwhelmed by grief/stress?

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

jonahsma · February 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I think im at a standstill . I feel numb. im trying block it out as if it never happened, but it did and im a wreck.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? To continue my journey getting closer to God and to see what he wants me to do for HIM. Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? PRAY PRAY PRAY

QOTW: How do you take care of yourself when feeling overwhelmed by grief/stress? I try to pray and to think positive. Some good will come out of this nightmare.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I was halfway there . Why do babies die? Why are there so many loss moms? I hate reading intros my heart breaks for them . No one should ever have to go through this EVER. NO, this didn't happen to me

Maybe Joleisa · February 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I reached out to a grief counselor, but got cold feet and put her on hold. Instead I ordered a bereavement guide for dads for DH and a book "Empty Cradle, Broken Heart" for me.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? My next goal is to shower and leave the house. We are going to pick up the boys' ashes tomorrow, so that is my only motivation.

QOTW: How do you take care of yourself when feeling overwhelmed by grief/stress? I'm not taking very good care of myself right now. I can't eat, drink, sleep, stopped my vitamins, etc... Hope to learn better coping skills soon.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? A lot of self-pity, why me type of things. I don't want to feel this way, but I just can't stop. I need to reach out to my church, but I can't even bring myself to do that.

stefuge · February 2014

***DS mentioned***

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
I order some more photos of Colton for the house and plan to put them out where they might be seen by visitors. I feel so conflicted because we have photos of DS everywhere and Colton is just as much a part of the family and just as important, but then I hesitate to put his photos out. So, I went ahead and ordered a couple prints and will be putting them out.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
I have been blogging all through Colton's pregnancy and loss, and have had it set to private, and I think I am ready to make it public. This is a hard step for me, but I feel like it needs to be done.

QOTW: How do you take care of yourself when feeling overwhelmed by grief/stress?
I try to prioritize what needs to be done, and then allow myself time to just rest, relax, cry, whatever will help. Exercise has really been helping lately as a way to work through my emotions physically and help me to feel more positive and productive.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
Trying to figure out who I am now. I feel like I am past the extreme grief and yet I'm not who I used to be. Trying to make a place where Colton will never be forgotten and yet seeing friends and family start to move on and feeling left behind. Trying to decide whether we want to try for another baby.

Bgirma · February 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
My husband and I went to an infant loss support group meeting on Monday. I was really anxious about going and almost backed out but my husband really encouraged me to at least try it out. I'm so glad that I went, I think it will be a good source if support for us.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
I have my 6 week postpartum appointment on Thursday. I haven't been there since we learned that our son died so I'm feeling anxious about how I'll handle it. I have been feeling good physically so I'm hoping I'll be cleared to start running again.

QOTW: How do you take care of yourself when feeling overwhelmed by grief/stress?
I went back to work last week and really thought I'd be fine but I was overwhelmed and stressed all week. I was such a workaholic before I had Wesley but have just lost my drive and motivation. I need to figure out how to be productive and present at work when I'm feeling buried by my feelings.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
I'm just overwhelmed with wanting to get pregnant again. I'm pretty sure that my OB will suggest waiting 6 months to TTC again and I am sure that is best for my physical and emotional recovery but I can't help just wishing that I was pregnant again. I've been reading so many pregnancy blogs and books that I never got around to reading while I was actually pregnant. It's probably not healthy to be so consumed by it so trying to step away.

stefuge · February 2014

@Bgirma - GL at your appointment next week! And it's completely normal to feel obsessed with getting pregnant again. Make sure to give yourself time to grieve your loss and be sure that you're ready to try again. I too wanted to get pregnant right away and am now grateful that we were told to wait. I'll be thinking of you Thursday.

kflynn81 · February 2014

stefuge said:

***DS mentioned***

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
I order some more photos of Colton for the house and plan to put them out where they might be seen by visitors. I feel so conflicted because we have photos of DS everywhere and Colton is just as much a part of the family and just as important, but then I hesitate to put his photos out. So, I went ahead and ordered a couple prints and will be putting them out.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
I have been blogging all through Colton's pregnancy and loss, and have had it set to private, and I think I am ready to make it public. This is a hard step for me, but I feel like it needs to be done.

QOTW: How do you take care of yourself when feeling overwhelmed by grief/stress?
I try to prioritize what needs to be done, and then allow myself time to just rest, relax, cry, whatever will help. Exercise has really been helping lately as a way to work through my emotions physically and help me to feel more positive and productive.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
Trying to figure out who I am now. I feel like I am past the extreme grief and yet I'm not who I used to be. Trying to make a place where Colton will never be forgotten and yet seeing friends and family start to move on and feeling left behind. Trying to decide whether we want to try for another baby.

Id like to follow it if you do, let me know

rrive008 · February 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

it's barely been a week, so haven't done anything major other than make sure I get up out of bed every day.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

I'm thinking of starting to write down small goals or projects (house errands etc.), on my calendar, so that I have "deadlines" so to speak. perhaps that will help the days go by faster.

How do you take care of yourself when feeling overwhelmed by grief/stress?

right now, I just cry it out. I feel like releasing all my emotions at once helps a little. hopefully as the days go by, the amount of crying sessions decreases.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

I've been obsessed with the "why" and "how". I've googled just about everything related to pre-term labor, short cervix, funneling, causes, treatments, prevention etc etc. It is as if I want to know a play by play of what the hell happened. I keep tracing back my steps to see what I did or didn't do to possibly contribute to the loss. I know this needs to stop, but I can't help it.

GymSpaz26 · February 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Last week, and the first part of this week I was an absolute mess. So the last few days have been just trying to focus myself, set very teeny tiny goals to help me do one thing at a time and not be so overwhelmed by life.

One thing I did accomplish this week was being faithful in getting out to exercise. Last week I didn't do a very good job with that and I think it was part of my emotional fall. Getting out and being active seriously boosts my energy, emotions, etc. So yesterday for the first time in several years I ran a mile (it was probably more of a shuffle than even a jog... but it was a lot more than I could do even a month ago) and today I swam almost a mile.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Speaking of exercise, the next goal is to choose a 5k in March to prepare for.

Besides that, another goal is trying to get myself set up with a good counselor in the next week or so. I called someone yesterday that was recommended to me, but had to leave a message. I've wanted/needed to start counseling since the beginning of January, but have been so overwhelmed with the whole process of trying to find someone that I haven't been able to make it happen.

QOTW: How do you take care of yourself when feeling overwhelmed by grief/stress? Cry. Go to my husband for a hug and curl up against his chest like a little girl. Again, get out and do something active.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I've been thinking a lot about when we do decide to start trying to have another baby (which will probably be at least another six months). I guess just thinking through what I might feel, how scary it is going to be. Thinking about what we can try and do to make it less scary.

tsmnem1998 · February 2014

I was 9wks and high risk. I am 37. I have a blood clot in left leg and was put on 100ml of lovenox. I went for to ob appt and no heartbeat was found. I scheduled a dnc for the next day that was two days ago. I am quite upset. It had been seven years that we were trying to get pregnant since our last child was born. We were so excited and so were our children and extended family members. Now we are all in shock. A week ago i was admitted to hospital for clot in leg. They did ultrasound and said baby heartbeat was good but there was a perigestational hemorrhage. No one talked to me about this. I read it on the discharge papers when i got home. Was this what caused "fetus to succomb". I am so mad and sad at the same time. Does anyone know about perigestational hemorrhage at all?

shandorfml2 · February 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Not really. Today is Ana's 11month birthday. Ugh.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?Get through her birthday. Get knocked up!

QOTW: How do you take care of yourself when feeling overwhelmed by grief/stress?
Lean on friends, family. Walk, take a care ride, watch movies, cry, take a hot shower, write to my baby, visit her grave
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I miss my baby girl. I'm in the TWW right now, waiting to test. Ugh. AF is due Wednesday and I'm just driving myself insane.

shandorfml2 · February 2014

tsmnem1998 said:

I was 9wks and high risk. I am 37. I have a blood clot in left leg and was put on 100ml of lovenox. I went for to ob appt and no heartbeat was found. I scheduled a dnc for the next day that was two days ago. I am quite upset. It had been seven years that we were trying to get pregnant since our last child was born. We were so excited and so were our children and extended family members. Now we are all in shock. A week ago i was admitted to hospital for clot in leg. They did ultrasound and said baby heartbeat was good but there was a perigestational hemorrhage. No one talked to me about this. I read it on the discharge papers when i got home. Was this what caused "fetus to succomb". I am so mad and sad at the same time. Does anyone know about perigestational hemorrhage at all?

Hi, I'm sorry for your loss. The ladies on this board had late term, stillbirth or loss of an infant. You might find more information on the miscarriage board. (((hugs)))

sunflwra · February 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? This Wednesday will be 12 weeks since our loss and I finally talked with my husband about TTC. I'd been trying to give him space with it until we got our autopsy results back but I'll be Oing in about 10 days and I wanted to make sure that we are both ready, which I'm happy to say that we are

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Taking care of myself over the next month. I'm sad to think that I should be 32 weeks pregnant right now but I'm trying to focus on the positives and moving forward with TTC is helping me do that.

QOTW: How do you take care of yourself when feeling overwhelmed by grief/stress? Trying to spend extra time with my daughter and focus on the fact that the quality time with her and my husband right now are the most important thing.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Trying to get over the wonderful sinus infection and bronchitis that I've been dealing with - would love to start feeling healthy again!

tsmnem1998 · February 2014

Ok thanks

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