PPD vs Baby Blues vs typical STM woes (@rondackhiker)

versed · January 2014

I was going to PM @Rondackhiker, but decided to post so others can read, too.

... I didn't get Baby Blues with DS1, but I'm pretty sure they're here now ... Or something is going on. (I also did encapsulation with DS1, but the woman's price doubled since then and we couldn't afford it this time).

**ETA: DS1 is 19m old in case you can't see my siggy **

I know DS2 is only 10 days old, and I know baby blues are peaking at this time. DS2 is a picture-perfect baby - he breastfeeds like a champ and sleeps very well during the day and night. He's very go-with-the-flow so far, and as long he's swaddled, he hardly complains.

DS1 LOVES his baby. He constantly hugs and kisses him and lets me know if he needs anything.

My problem, which I hate to even type out, is that I find myself resenting DS1. He's such a good boy, that I hate myself for feeling this way, and lots of crying comes from me being upset with my feelings. He's having some trouble sharing "boob" with the baby. Doesn't help that I have no support to continue BFing DS1. Everyone, DH included, think he needs to be done. It's tough keeping up with both of them (DS1 is at 3-4x/day), but I know neither of us could handle weening now. But anyways, I nurse DS1 to bed at night, but he's fighting sleep, so the process has gone from 20min to an hour now. DH tries to help and will take over when I ask, but it's draining. I'm resenting that it's taking so long and taking away from bonding time. I held DS1 for 12w and we just bonded - I won't have that with DS2. And DS1's sleep issues are only with me - he falls right asleep for anyone else. No naps during the day for DS1 means no naps for me, which doesn't help either.

People are trying to help, but I don't have help every day. MIL takes DS1 for a day, my mom comes from out-of-state a day, and my sister visits when she can. DS1, DS2, and I had an amazing morning just us yesterday, but I also didn't have to put DS1 down for a nap.

Anyways, I just needed to get this out. I feel so guilty how I feel about DS1. Overall, he's doing great, and we did this to him, so we can't really blame him. I'm hoping this is just the hormones and will pass soon.

NoelMarieFrey · January 2014

((Hugs)) I am sorry that you're dealing with this.

RondackHiker · January 2014

I'm heading out to run errands right now, but hugs to you. I'm sorry it's been rough. I will respond more later. For now, do whatever you can to make it easy on yourself.

Let ds1 watch movies. Order meals in. Wear ds2 and play with DS1. Ask a friend to come play with the LOs so you can shower and nap.

Have dh do bedtime every night for the next while. That will reduce frustration.

funchicken · January 2014

ITA with Rondack's advice. I would put DH in charge of DS's bedtime and see how it goes. I think you're trying to do too much--you sound overwhelmed. When you feel totally wiped out, let DS1 watch a couple of shows, so you can nap. It's okay to cut yourself some slack right now. I did grocery delivery for the first month after DD2 was born. DD1 watched more Sesame Street than usual, but it was temporary until we got into a groove. I think if another week goes by and you're still feeling resentful toward DS1, you should talk to your doctor.

versed · January 2014

Thanks ladies, I did talk to DH tonight, and we're going to switch up bedtime routine. I'm going to do teeth, pjs, and a story, but DH will do the actual bedtime part. Hopefully, that will help. We'll try to find some other ways to ease this transition, too. Thanks for your suggestions.

versed · January 2014

@tyrannosauruslex - thanks, those were very helpful! I actually have the LLL book from which the first quote came. I'll have to pull it back out and read some more.

I really do want nursing to work until DS1 is done, so we're going to work on finding a better balance.

RondackHiker · January 2014

Okay, I'm a little less frazzled right now.

First, take it easy on yourself. You've got two under two. That is HARD. There are some great moms on the parenting board who'd give great advice and support if you want to talk to someone who has been there. Also, ds2 is still so young. Your hormones are still whacky and you're tired and you're learning each other so of course you're going to struggle.

Second, do anything you can to make things easy for yourself right now. Nap when you can, even if it is while you have a visitor or while ds1 watches tv. Order in food. Ask others to clean. Stay in pjs all day.

Like PP said, if things don't improve in a week talk to your doctor. Have you looked up tips for tandem nursing on kellymom.com? That could help you help adjust.

I know you're stressed about bonding. Remember that this time it's not just you and baby bonding. It's you and ds1 and ds2 bonding. The experience won't be the same as with the first but you will still bond and it will still be special and you're not missing out or shorting ds2. Promise. Ds1 won't keep you from bonding with ds2. :-)

slwprincess · February 2014

No experience with tandem feeding but I definitely had major struggles with #2. Baby was easy, DS wasn't particularly acting out, I just found myself feeling resentful that I couldn't bond with DD as "exclusively" as I had with him. That coupled with the amount of pressure that I was putting on myself, and then I was over planning/over scheduling/over doing it and basically, I was spread too thin. I definitely had some Undiagnosed post partum anxiety as well. I agree with pp, change up your routines to have DH take over some of the duties. Force yourself to schedule some time alone each week. Give yourself a break! My biggest regret with my second was that I didn't cut myself as much slack as with my first and I felt like I couldn't make mistakes. Hoping not to do that again this time!

versed · February 2014

Thanks again for letting me know I'm not alone in these feelings. I kept hearing how going from one to two is tough, but no one really explained why.

Things went better last night with the new routine, and MIL took DS1 for the day so I'm going to refresh a bit so I can be in a good place when he gets home. After he got up at 5am and bit me for the first time today, today's a good day to have help.

Soap1 · February 2014

I totally get where you're coming from. I find myself... resenting isn't the right word, but when it's 4pm and my mom or DH goes to pick up my older kids from school, I'm really dreading it. DS3 is great and I feel like I can handle him fine, but I am really struggling to handle all three boys and their needs!

Hang in there!

sdlaura · February 2014

Just wanted to say that we're one week into life with two under two (DD is 17 months), so I can identify with a lot of your concerns. We have zero family members in driving distance, so we decided to keep DD in her home daycare program and it has made the transition so much easier. Do you have the option of putting your DS1 in a program, even if it's just a couple days a week? Hang in there - this isn't easy! Oh, and we do the exact same thing you came up with for the new bedtime routine, and it works well for us.

versed · February 2014

@L12541 - unfortunately, my leave is unpaid and DS wasn't in childcare before my leave (family rotated through DH's week-by-week work schedule. Thankfully, family is still trying to rotate through the week, which I'm very thankful for since I'm alone like 3-4 days rather than 6-7.

Thanks again for helping me feel I'm not alone in this.

PPD vs Baby Blues vs typical STM woes (@rondackhiker)

Re: PPD vs Baby Blues vs typical STM woes (@rondackhiker)

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