Non Vaccinated Child around Newborn

kashibear · January 2014

I have a feeling this will spark some debate, but I am genuinely interested in everyone's feelings/opinions/advice on this topic. I will try to condense so it's not too long.

We plan to vaccinate after a lot of research on our own. We have good friends who are VERY against vaccinations, and chose to not vaccinate their almost 2 year old daughter. No big deal. We're all friends and with the exception of a few discussions on their views regarding this topic, it's never been an issue. They seem to respect our decision to parent how we choose, as we respect their choice to not vaccinate.

They live out of state, but plan to come visit early May. They definitely want to see the baby, and will have their daughter with them. They usually stay with us when they visit, but because of the nature of their trip, may only visit or stay with us for a night or two.

This morning I woke up thinking about this, and suddenly realized that my brand new baby will be around a 2 year old that is not vaccinated (and I believe both parents are not vaccinated, or haven't been at all once they were old enough to choose for themselves). I'm going to talk to my doctor about this, but this is a little concerning....No? Advice?

bumpuser9058414 · January 2014

NOPE. Never. I'm sorry but are you willing to possibly risk your babies life? When your baby is old enough to have her shots then maybe.

rockopera · January 2014

No way. No visits until your LO is vaccinated. The risk is too great.

SamJustice · January 2014

It's their choice to not vaccinate. It's your choice to tell them they can't see the baby. If they didn't want their kid discriminated against, they should have thought about the consequences of nonvaxing.

kashibear · January 2014

The more I think about it, the less comfortable I am with it. Any suggestions on how to go about having that conversation without offending them? I would love to hear from any moms who chose to not vaccinate themselves, too. I really don't want them to be offended, but it's just not worth the risk of potentially harming my child.

Gosh.. I feel stupid for not thinking this was going to be a problem before I made plans with them. :-/

oceanangel0502 · January 2014

I would absolutely not let them come near my new LO!!!

PerkyErky · January 2014

I wouldn't avoid them, but I wouldn't let the 2 y/o hold or get too close to the baby. Parents I would have wash their hands thoroughly and if they feel even slightly sick, then no baby contact. Depending on when they visit in May and when you deliver, your baby might have had some vaccines at that point as well.

We are going to my ILs for Passover and this little guy will only be maybe a month old. DH's nephew is not vaccinated (he is 9) and he will not be allowed to hold the baby. His mother hasn't kept up on her shots either and her contact will be limited. I plan to wear the baby as much as possible which will limit the amount of time he is "available" for holding.

kmeyers0611 · January 2014

I agree! Maybe ask them if they would mind postponing their trip until your LO is a little older and has been vaccinated? If things get heated, let them know that while you do want to see them, and you respect their choice to not vaccinate, you have the right to decide how to parent your LO and vaccine protection for your baby is non-negotiable. Let them know that NO ONE who is unvaccinated will be seeing you or the baby until LO is protected.

MayKay12 · January 2014

I have a friend that won't vax her kids because of medical problems with the vaccines. She wants to come visit with her 3 kids in May. I am planning on telling them to wait until the newborn has his first round of shots because whopping cough is really going around and that worries me.

I also do a delayed vax schedule on a few of the non-serious vaccines but the dtap, hib, and PC are the ones I stay up to date on. I might be a little more lax on it though because of that.

Is it possible for her to come out in maybe June when your baby has had the first round of shots?

kashibear · January 2014

kmeyers0611 said:

I agree! Maybe ask them if they would mind postponing their trip until your LO is a little older and has been vaccinated?

If it was just a visit to see us, that would work, but unfortunately, that's not the situation. They live out of state, and are coming for her sister's wedding and a family reunion. Money is tight for them, so they most likely won't be able to come back down any time soon. I could always suggest we come see them once LO is a little older, though.

elliebean14 · January 2014

I think you could get around having them stay the night by saying that you are not having any house guests for the first 2-3 months while you get into a routine with the baby.
As for visiting in general, I say go with your gut. You can mention that you have chosen to vaccinate and that the baby may not have all necessary vaccines before their visit. You can say that you aren't comfortable with any young children (little white lie) holding the baby before she is vaccinated and you're asking all adults to thoroughly wash their hands first.
You said they respect your parenting decisions and you respect theirs, so I really hope they wouldn't get upset with you for having these preferences about who comes into contact with your baby. If you are concerned about offending them just generalize and don't make it about them and their decisions, but stand your ground to protect your baby.

Missfunball · January 2014

Maybe have a lunch date with them seperately without LO. I know I will be in your posistion and I'll just have to say "I'm sorry to say but personally, if you are unwilling to get vaccinated you are not holding Sharkie. Regardless of how sure you may be, it's not a gamble I'm willing to take before he is vaccinated."

SmittyPants · January 2014

First, I would never respect someone who doesn't vaccinate. It's child abuse.

Second, I would NEVER knowingly expose my baby to a child that hasn't been vaccinated just as I would never knowingly incorrectly strap my baby into his car seat.

pepperedmoth · January 2014

Even I would not be OK with an unvaccinated 2-year-old around my LO, and I am one of the few people who WILL be allowing adults without the TDaP around him.

Two year olds are, to my understanding, a much more common pertussis vector than adults.

pepperedmoth · January 2014

PerkyErky said:
I wouldn't avoid them, but I wouldn't let the 2 y/o hold or get too close to the baby. Parents I would have wash their hands thoroughly and if they feel even slightly sick, then no baby contact. Depending on when they visit in May and when you deliver, your baby might have had some vaccines at that point as well.

We are going to my ILs for Passover and this little guy will only be maybe a month old. DH's nephew is not vaccinated (he is 9) and he will not be allowed to hold the baby. His mother hasn't kept up on her shots either and her contact will be limited. I plan to wear the baby as much as possible which will limit the amount of time he is "available" for holding.

I actually think this is really good advice. That's probably what I'd do --- the babywearing especially.

SmittyPants · January 2014

AlexisDKruse said:

I don't really see there being a problem with limited exposure to people who aren't vaccinated. We will be traveling with LO across the state where she'll be fawned over and passed around among adults. We won't see those adults for more than two or three days, then back home.

I agree that hand washing should be encouraged (to the point of being annoying), but I just don't see why two or three days with three people (what's the big whoop about a two year old if s/he stays at home with a parent all day?) is that big of a risk.

Because people infected with measles don't exhibit symptoms until 7-14 days after infection. People infected with mumps don't have symptoms until 16-18 days after infection. People infected with polio often have symptoms that mirror a simple cold. People infected with whooping cough also have very minor symptoms at the beginning, etc. etc. etc.

ETA: I'd be especially nervous because these people are flying to see a newborn and will be exposed to other travelers who may come from countries that do not have good vaccination rates so the chances of contracting any one of the deadly diseases I mentioned is higher.

What idiots. I can't believe they would risk their child's life like that. OP, don't allow them to risk your child's life too.

YankeePeach08 · January 2014

you need to talk with your pedi about why babies shouldn't be around un-vaccinated children and/or adults BEFORE you speak with your friend.

Your pedi will give you the facts about what is a danger and what is not and also how the dangers can vary with LO being exposed to children vs. adults.

Because this is a good friend I think you need to go in with lots of solid info vs. just saying you are not comfortable. As much as everyone says they respect each others parenting decisions if you basically reject her daughter and family based on their parenting decision it WILL hurt your friendship.

I don't know all of the facts but I do know that someone does not have to be showing signs of certain diseases in order to infect others. That is the info that your pedi can give you. you need actual facts from a doctor b/c your friend will probably say "well none of us are sick..."

Good Luck!!

kashibear · January 2014

Thanks for all of your responses. I have an appt with my OB Monday, and will be setting up everything with my pedi next week so I can get more info. We still have some time before they come, and because they are coming for a wedding/family reunion, they have a hotel set up for the big chunk of their trip. (They just planned on seeing us and LO and maybe staying a night before they head back home).

It's either going to be ok for them to see us and LO, and stay with us, or it's not. As of now (without talking to a doc), I think it'd be better to be honest and tell them we need to wait until she's fully vaccinated, and then we'll come up there and visit. I'll talk to the doc and get more details. Thanks again for all of your input!

BrideNamedMeg · January 2014

It wouldn't bother me personally. My SIL's oldest hasn't had all his shots due to severe allergies and a good friend of mine and MH's aren't vaccinating their son, but I eye roll that because I don't think they have a good reason not to.

bingbongsmama · January 2014

Absolutely not.

BrideNamedMeg · January 2014

To those who say absolutely not...WWYD in a case like mine where my nephew cannot be vaccinated? As long as he's healthy I don't think he poses any risk to my kids and I would hate to ever make him feel bad over something he has NO control over.

bingbongsmama · January 2014

BrideNamedMeg said:
To those who say absolutely not...WWYD in a case like mine where my nephew cannot be vaccinated? As long as he's healthy I don't think he poses any risk to my kids and I would hate to ever make him feel bad over something he has NO control over.

That's a really tough situation. He shouldn't be punished for having an egg allergy or whatever prevents him from getting the vaccination. At the same time, hurt feelings or not, I'll do whatever it takes to protect my newborn. If he's going to be around the baby, hand washing, no runny nose or fever, and he can even wear a mask and/or gown. Everyone can so be doesn't feel isolated.

BrideNamedMeg · January 2014

DisneyAddict1 said:

BrideNamedMeg said:

To those who say absolutely not...WWYD in a case like mine where my nephew cannot be vaccinated? As long as he's healthy I don't think he poses any risk to my kids and I would hate to ever make him feel bad over something he has NO control over.

How old is your nephew? I'm sure the parents are used to having to watch him for various signs of illness since he has to rely on herd immunity like LO's do before they are able to be vaccinated. Hand washing for sure! And if he wants to touch, limit it to feet/legs only. I do that anyway just because there is no reason for anyone to touch LO's hands, face, or head. If you want to let him hold LO can be wrapped in a blanket and you can drape a blanket over him. Or you can limit him to just viewing until your LO gets some vaccines and you can blame it being flu/whooping cough season still and not make it about him.

He's 9 now and I've never had an issue with him being around our babies. I just can't imagine singling him out or making him jump through a million hoops to be around us, poor kid. He's lived with extremely severe food allergies for (basically) his entire life and now is also diabetic which presents HUGE challenges for him when he's already diet restricted.

I would feel terrible making him wear a mask or something to see his cousin - and I would never do it. Hand washing is a given, everyone does that! I trust my SIL to know when he's sick and really the most common things he could pass on (like a cold) isn't vaccine preventable anyhow.

karacakes98 · February 2014

No way. I wouldn't want my LO exposed to who knows what

Nadeau Photography · February 2014

I'm in a similar boat, one of my best friends does not vaccinate (her son is on the spectrum, and she's on the bandwagon of being pretty convinced that his vaccinations had something to do with it). While I understand and empathize with her point of view, I completely disagree with it.

I have/had been having a tough time with how to approach this with her, and recently had a very honest conversation with her about it. I kept her and her decisions out of it...basically just started talking about how I feel like vaccines and sickness are at the forefront of my mind so much more now than when my other two were babies... That I feel very paranoid about bringing this baby anywhere, and how I'm coming to realize that I have a strong opinion on the importance of vaccinations, where as before, I just did what the Dr said without giving it much thought.

It totally took the factor of "her" decisions out of it, and we had a really good talk where she she have me (her) insight of which illnesses I need to really be fearful of, and which ones are not as scary. Talked about how it feels different now that our kids are around so many other kids, and the threat seems more real...to which SHE suggested making my kids thoroughly wash hands when they get home from school/activities and change cloths.

I felt like this conversation really primed the wheel for a future conversation of wanting to keep her kids away from the baby until she has at least her first round of vaccines, especially since this LO will be born the tail end of the "sick season".

I think if you take all the accusatory language out of it, and almost humble yourself when talking about, any friend would certainly be understanding and accommodating.

sopranoali · February 2014

We are in the same sitch. My SIL is very anti-vax. Can't wait for that conversation!

Want a personalized experience?

Non Vaccinated Child around Newborn

Re: Non Vaccinated Child around Newborn

Choose Another Board

Search Boards