February 2014 Moms
RondackHiker
member
Friday funnies?
RondackHiker
member
So things have been tense around here over the last few days and since we're all either tired new moms or tired pregnant ladies, I thought a fun thread would do us some good.
Please share the funniest/most awkward story you have, or some other random funny. Let's take a break and laugh! Here is the story of the most awkward gift I've ever gotten, at my bridal shower. When this happened, I was much younger and less confident and much shier than I am now.
At the time I was working for a woman who was a long-time hoarder and was a bit... strange. She kept asking about my bridal shower and asking to be invited. It was only family and close friends, but she seemed to really want an invite so I said yes.
She gave me one of those magic bullet blenders. Great, right? She immediately told me to open the box. Knowing that she was a hoarder and having noticed that the box was a bit battered, I didn't really want to open it, but at the time I couldn't think of a graceful way to say no.
The box was empty. So I'm sitting there with a box with foam packing and cat hair and no blender while my friends and family stare awkwardly and my boss starts to stammer in embarassment. I tried to cover for her, and say that someone must have returned the box empty and it was put back on the shelf without being checked, but then she declared, "no, the box has been sitting in my basement for years". I thanked her for thinking of me and jumped to her second present, trying to make the awkwardness end.
I ripped into it quickly and held it up before registering what it was (again, trying to end the uncomfortable silence). The second present was lingerie. Size XXL. At the time I wore a small. Have I mentioned my boss would wear about an XXL? And it was really obvious that it was huge, since I'd unfortunately held it up to show to all my family and close friends. It was an unusual style as well. It kind of reminded me of those old-fashioned women's one piece swimsuits, with the addition of lots of straps everywhere. If it had fit, I'm not sure how I'd have managed to canoe with the thing.
Later I went to return the lingerie at Victoria's Secret (it still had tags). No reciept, but I thought even if I could get a few dollars store credit I could put it toward something nice. The first sales lady I approached looked confused when she looked at the tag and said it was a style she hadn't seen in the year she'd been working there. She said this in a very carrying voice. Oh no. DH and I (well, he wasn't DH then) are standing there during the semi-annual sale feeling incredibly awkward as the crowds of woman around us shoot us strange looks.
So she brought the... thing... to a co-worker who'd been there seven years. The co-worker stared at it and said loudly, "Oh my gosh! I've never seen a tag like this... or anything like THIS!" as she held the item up in the air. Then DH and I and the saleslady and that cursed thing are at the center of a circle of shoppers who are all trying very hard not to look like they're eavesdropping.
The manager brought over a scanner and scanned the tag while two other salesladies joined the first and marveled at the item, saying things like "I have never seen ANYTHING like this," and "how would you even get this on? There are no zippers or anything" and "if you got it on, how would it work?!" and "someone gave this to you as a GIFT?" while holding it in the air. The manager smiled at us awkwardly and said "This isn't registering in our computers. Anything sold in the last ten years would show up, even if it was just as a 'this item is no longer sold'. You said this was a gift at your bridal shower?" She at least didn't speak loudly, but since the store had fallen completely silent and every other shopper had given up pretending not to listen, everyone heard anyway.
The manager was very kind. She said they couldn't accept it as a return, but she gave me a five dollar gift card, I think because she felt so badly for me. I threw the item in question into the nearest trash can. I kind of wish now I'd gotten a photo of it, but at the time I wanted to run and hide.
And yes, I did still send a thank you note, though it took me a while to figure out how to word the thank you for the empty box and the lingerie. "Thanks for contributing to my sex life!"?
She gave me one of those magic bullet blenders. Great, right? She immediately told me to open the box. Knowing that she was a hoarder and having noticed that the box was a bit battered, I didn't really want to open it, but at the time I couldn't think of a graceful way to say no.
The box was empty. So I'm sitting there with a box with foam packing and cat hair and no blender while my friends and family stare awkwardly and my boss starts to stammer in embarassment. I tried to cover for her, and say that someone must have returned the box empty and it was put back on the shelf without being checked, but then she declared, "no, the box has been sitting in my basement for years". I thanked her for thinking of me and jumped to her second present, trying to make the awkwardness end.
I ripped into it quickly and held it up before registering what it was (again, trying to end the uncomfortable silence). The second present was lingerie. Size XXL. At the time I wore a small. Have I mentioned my boss would wear about an XXL? And it was really obvious that it was huge, since I'd unfortunately held it up to show to all my family and close friends. It was an unusual style as well. It kind of reminded me of those old-fashioned women's one piece swimsuits, with the addition of lots of straps everywhere. If it had fit, I'm not sure how I'd have managed to canoe with the thing.
Later I went to return the lingerie at Victoria's Secret (it still had tags). No reciept, but I thought even if I could get a few dollars store credit I could put it toward something nice. The first sales lady I approached looked confused when she looked at the tag and said it was a style she hadn't seen in the year she'd been working there. She said this in a very carrying voice. Oh no. DH and I (well, he wasn't DH then) are standing there during the semi-annual sale feeling incredibly awkward as the crowds of woman around us shoot us strange looks.
So she brought the... thing... to a co-worker who'd been there seven years. The co-worker stared at it and said loudly, "Oh my gosh! I've never seen a tag like this... or anything like THIS!" as she held the item up in the air. Then DH and I and the saleslady and that cursed thing are at the center of a circle of shoppers who are all trying very hard not to look like they're eavesdropping.
The manager brought over a scanner and scanned the tag while two other salesladies joined the first and marveled at the item, saying things like "I have never seen ANYTHING like this," and "how would you even get this on? There are no zippers or anything" and "if you got it on, how would it work?!" and "someone gave this to you as a GIFT?" while holding it in the air. The manager smiled at us awkwardly and said "This isn't registering in our computers. Anything sold in the last ten years would show up, even if it was just as a 'this item is no longer sold'. You said this was a gift at your bridal shower?" She at least didn't speak loudly, but since the store had fallen completely silent and every other shopper had given up pretending not to listen, everyone heard anyway.
The manager was very kind. She said they couldn't accept it as a return, but she gave me a five dollar gift card, I think because she felt so badly for me. I threw the item in question into the nearest trash can. I kind of wish now I'd gotten a photo of it, but at the time I wanted to run and hide.
And yes, I did still send a thank you note, though it took me a while to figure out how to word the thank you for the empty box and the lingerie. "Thanks for contributing to my sex life!"?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Friday funnies?
https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/5746495/epi-no#latest
BFP #1 5.26.08 DD born 1.4.09
BFP #2 3.11.12 m/c 3.26.12
BFP #3 10.7.12 m/c 10.27.12
BFP #4 2.24.13 ectopic MTX 3.13.13 Right tube removed 3.29.13
BFP #5 5.27.13 DS born 1.22.14
BFP #6 4.14.16
The room got very silent, of course. Luckily I don't embarrass very easily. I busted laughing and said, "yep, and I have 'kitties' too". The dad/grandfather and Aunt Hayden were beat red. I thought they would die on the spot. It was a great ice breaker as a new dance parent.
I think my most embarrassing moment would be from high school. I was definitely a bitch and have no idea why except hormones maybe? Anyway, one day my friend and I were cackling in class and being disruptive and out of nowhere I ripped a crazy loud fart, like echo and everything. We couldn't even finish class because my teacher was laughing so hard. I was much less of a jerk after that humbling experience. Ain't nobody above a fart!