Multiple loss mommys, when did you start TTC again

Maxsmommy123112 · January 2014

Not ready to fully tell my story...as I'm not totally ready to start TTC because my D&C was yesterday and I am still recovering and grieving the loss of my 2nd angel baby.

Here's my question, me and DH have cried together and talked about so much this past HORRIBLE week. Of course the question of when to try again came up. He wants to wait a year! Last time we waited 2 months and it happened again. I cried when he said a year. Am I being silly? Does anyone relate?

I don't want to wait 2 months this time. I was thinking more like 4 or 6 months. Also we will be going genetic counceling. The thought of a year makes me so sad because even when we start trying there is no guaranty.

Mommys with multiple losses, when did you start TTC?

Just looking for some advice, support and new friends. Thank you!

Frenchteachermama · January 2014

I am so sorry for your losses. What does your doctor say? I'm still fresh off of my second loss and will speak to my doctor on Monday about when I am cleared to TTC again. I am going to wait as long as they recommend but no longer. Everyone here will tell you to listen to your doctor first, and second you'll know when you are ready to TTC again when the fear of miscarriage is less than the hope of having another baby.

Maxsmommy123112 · January 2014

Doctor says 3 cycles. So 3 months? That's another thing, I am still breastfeeding my 13 month old so my cycles never returned back to normal. Sometimes I have a period, some months I don't. The 2 months I waited after my last miscarriage though I did have my period both months.

I love the advice, TTC after the fear of miscarriage is less than the hope of having another baby...although I don't think my fear will ever go away I know one day my hope for a new baby might be greater than my fears.

bunnybun4 · January 2014

Maxsmommy123112 said:

Doctor says 3 cycles. So 3 months? That's another thing, I am still breastfeeding my 13 month old so my cycles never returned back to normal. Sometimes I have a period, some months I don't. The 2 months I waited after my last miscarriage though I did have my period both months. I love the advice, TTC after the fear of miscarriage is less than the hope of having another baby...although I don't think my fear will ever go away I know one day my hope for a new baby might be greater than my fears.

I would ask the dr. to clarify 3 cycles or 3 months...that can mean 2 totally different things after a loss.

after my first loss we were asked to wait 6 months...then that got reduced by my OB after 4 months...we got pregnant immediately only to have another miscarriage...I felt like I had been totally kicked in the guts. we then were told to wait 2 cycles, however it took me FOREVER to have a cycle, so we ended up waiting longer timewise to TTC than the first time when we waited 4 months...we waited 3 cyles got pregnant after 2 cycles and lost that one too. This time we were asked to wait 3 cycles...I am at the end of my 3rd cycle and working with an RE...we should be TTCing next cyle.

it's really going to be a different answer from everyone...listening to your dr. as well as coming to an agreement with your DH are going to be key. sorry you are so frustrated right now...i know it is hard to wait.

srcr2011 · January 2014

***Living Child mentioned:

I am following my DR's orders, waited 3 cycles post D&C. I burn the bench this month and we can try this month! I am nervous but excited. For me, I'm not sure if I want to bench myself another 2-3 months and plan to get KU in May/June to have a Feb/March baby, so I can have more mat. time off (I work for public schools) and I get my 12 weeks plus the summer. I agree with PP about the age thing. I am 30 this year and although it is not consider AMA, I want 2 more children. Plus I have really bad baby fever!!!

Its good to follow DRs orders. I had a MC and AF never came, I ended up with a BFP and a third loss. GL to you!!!

dawnstar898 · January 2014

I just had my 2nd D&C yesterday after my 2nd MMC. Both times my doc said we could try again whenever we felt like it. Didn't even have to wait for the 1st AF! Both times, for me personally, I wanted to try again ASAP as did my husband. I think if he had said he wanted to wait, I would have been shocked. We are both on the same page so far. So sorry for your loss

Blackvelvet · February 2014

The first time we waited about 7 weeks it was our one try before DH started Chemo and radiation. This time the Dr. didn't have us wait but it hasn't happened yet waiting for he second O and the results from our testing both should come next week.

uneek1323 · February 2014

I think you're going to see many different answers here. But anyway.....

After loss #1 and 2, we waited until the doctor gave us the green light. After loss #3, 14 cycles and counting.

I'm sorry for your loss.

kr_ry · February 2014

After our first loss we waited 9 cycles. We had another loss in October. I am avoiding right now because some of my blood work was off when I had rpl testing done. I am waiting to see if medication is working to lower my levels of prolactin.

Others have said when the fear is less then your want for a baby then you are ready to try again.

angelaclev · February 2014

Like PPs said there will be tons of different answers.

After loss #1 we waited 1 month (AF hadn't came but the doctor said we didn't have to wait). After loss #2 (back on nov 1) we waited three cycles per us not the doctor. Doctor said we could start trying anytime. For us this time it was a mental break from it and to wait for my body to get back to "normal" . I am very sorry for your loss.

jap618 · February 2014

I'm sorry for your losses ((hugs))

Between after loss #1 we waited 1 cycle. After loss #2 we waited 1 cycle but were really NTNP for 2-3; it then took us several cycles to conceive again. Since loss #3 we have been benched for 5 months and plan to start trying after my next AF. It's very different for everyone but I agree with you that 1 year would sound scary and long to me. That being said it is very new and raw for both of you so his thoughts may change over time. Just make sure to follow your doctors orders. Again, I'm sorry you're here.

banvillec · February 2014

SO sorry

TTC again when you are ready. I always defer to DH- even when I want to go sooner, I let him decide. Men just love to feel in control, and usually he ends up being ready before I am.

Also, a coworker shared with me that she had to wait a YEAR to TTC after a molar pregnancy. Hearing her story gave me hope that if she could wait a year to TTC (and she did, she has THREE children now), then I can wait a month or two.

Puka99 · February 2014

I am terriby sorry- I truly didn't realize how offense my post was. I am deleting it now.

Hugs to you.

PinkCamino · February 2014

Puka99 said:

Signature warning***

It's so hard to know when the time is right. We had our first son with no issues (in May 2007) It took us 9 months to conceive but I didn't know all about ovulation days and temping and that stuff. We then got pregnant three times (once in Sept 2007, May 2008 and then March 2009.) At that time we were NTNP. Each one of those losses was a natural loss but the March one was at 9 weeks I think.

At that point I said enough was enough and dh agreed.I did get testing done in 2009 after my third loss because my cycle after that loss was like 82 days and very abnormal for me. We didn't discuss future children at all until December 2010. I told him "I think I want one more." He told me he had been thinking about another one too. I got more testing done with a new doc and we had another successful pregnancy. Our second son was born in 2011.

We got a surprise BFP in November 2012 and sadly lost our third son last February at 18weeks. It was terribly gut wrenching and the worst thing I've experienced. I told my dh we were done and that was it. In May I decided that maybe we would try for one more but I first wanted to see an RI before we decided. He agreed to go ahead if the RI agreed to see me and if everything came back ok or if there were things we could do. After we got the testing done in July (ironically it was the day before Lucas' EDD) and got the results we ended up starting the following month.

The whole point of my long windedness is that I think it's a good idea to give yourself a time frame and then reevaluate. There is no right or wrong answer. As you can see, we waited about a 1 1/2 between our third loss before we were ready to try.

Many hugs to you.

@Puka99 - why would you post in this thread? It's horribly inappropriate.

Puka99 · February 2014

@PinkCamino-thank you for pointing it out. I do apologize. I did not realize and another member did messsage me. Thank you again.

neptunebljc · February 2014

I think your best bet is to wait to make a decision.

After our second loss, DH and I agreed if we had another one we would not try again. But after our third, we waiting a few weeks and then discussed what we wanted to do. We ended up waiting about 5 months then started TTCing.

But everyone is different and I think making any decisions so close to your loss is difficult. Give yourself some time.

Multiple loss mommys, when did you start TTC again

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