~~ Toddler Check-in ~~

adoxyinherear · January 2014

Sorry it's a little late!

How're you doing this week, mamas? Any funny stories? New challenges? Other stuff?

My question this week is a little selfish... how do you keep from/deal with getting your feelings hurt by typical toddler behavior? DD has been smacking me when she doesn't want something, when she's tired, when she's hungry, when she just feels like it... I'm working on trying to teach her to use gentle hands but some days I just want to give her to DH and go in the other room and cry.

ksyknelvr73 · January 2014

How're you doing this week, mamas? Any funny stories? New challenges? Other stuff?

Doing well, not too much to throw in there this week. We had one incident over the weekend that really annoyed me - DS bit me on the arm while we were out to dinner and he NEVER bites and I have no idea where that came from. He acted perfectly normal after that. It was so weird.

My question this week is a little selfish... how do you keep from/deal with getting your feelings hurt by typical toddler behavior?

Hmmm...honestly, I just tell myself that he is a toddler and it's typical behavior. DS has started telling me "Mommy, I'm not your friend" and I swear to you it breaks my heart! But I tell him that it's not a nice thing to say, and he needs to not be ugly to mommy. And I have noticed he hasn't been saying it as much anymore since that. I mean, technically I am NOT his friend - I am his mom - but I feel like he's saying it in a mean way like he doesn't like me or something! And with being pregnant, the hormones are definitely making me more sensitive to it. But I just address it with him, and try not to let it get to me.

KJsbabe · January 2014

DD and I are sick this week. Boo. She woke up with a runny nose on Thursday and I got a sore throat on Saturday and we've both been congested since. I need to be more diligent with the hand sanitizer when we're out and about! So because of that we haven't had the best couple days. DD is extra whiny because she doesn't feel good, and I've been short on patience because I don't feel good either.

Other than that, I'm 8dpo today and got a BFN this morning. I'm expecting AF either today or tomorrow. It's just a question of how long will my short LP be.

Sorry to complain so much!

I've been getting DD used to sitting in a booster seat lately. We have it mostly for travel and still use her high chair at the dinner table. So I put the booster at our breakfast bar. Yesterday she insisted that Clifford sit beside her while she ate. It was so stinking cute!

I've been having the same issue with getting my feelings hurt. Last night DD kicked me in tha face and it really hurt my feelings. I just try to remember that she's a toddler and doesn't understand that actions can hurt people. I told her that she hurt mommy and that it made mommy sad, and that we want to be nice to people. I don't know if she really understood yet, but I'll just keep repeating myself and someday she will.

martinimomma · January 2014

Hello, all!

Funny/cute story: DS (2 yrs 3 mos for those on mobile) has adopted the habit of running in circles through the house when I get home from work saying "Mommy is home and we are all together!!!" at the top of hus lungs. Even when DH is not home yet. LOL.

Challenges: Starting to worry that DS has some sensory issues or is at minimum oddly sensitive to certain types of noise and sounds. He's had complete meltdowns in the past couple weeks from a visit to a children's museum (don't blame him - it was a zoo in there!) but also from hearing DD's Sophie the Giraffe squeak (instant tears any time it squeaks). He's always been like that with our Sodastream (DH goes into the basement to make soda and has since he was a little baby since it made him scream). So we'll see where that heads.

QOTW; Just remind myself he is 2, and is a little like living with a perpetually drunk friend who won't remember what he's done to hurt you day to day and really doesn't mean anything by it, anyway.

Junebug060609 · January 2014

@MartiniMomma If you need an ear with your sensory concerns, give me a shout. D is a seeker, not an avoider, but I for sure get the concerns.

I feel like we're dealing with the same old, same old here. He's making progress, but it is painfully slow. Things are moving forward with getting him is extra help. It will probably be a couple months before we actually see it happen, but the ball is rolling. Reports from recent evals are starting to roll in, as is paperwork I need to fill out. Today's struggle stems from one of the forms. The pedi that dx'd him filled it out. This line, it felt like a gut punch"

D has Autism Spectrum Disorder a brain based disorder of development characterized by language and social skill delays. D will require ongoing therapeutic and educational services throughout his life. Treatment will be ongoing and require a coordinated care plan involving pediatrics, speech/language therapy, occupational therapy, behavioral based therapies and educational services.

I knew all those things, but seeing them in black and white hurt so much. The rest of his life. He is a two year old sweet little boy and he's facing something that will affect him for the rest of his life. As a mom, I can't tell you guys how much I wish I could take these challenges away. I'm so scared I/we won't be able to give him all he needs, I honestly don't know where I'm going to find the strength and resources. And I'm scared to death to have the bottom fall out with the baby girl on the way. Not worried about getting her here so much as getting the A-bomb dropped again, or something equally as overwhelming.

I'm also struggling with them still considering him 'non-verbal'. He has made so much progress in the past year, to see that it STILL isn't enough for him to be considered verbal just hurts.

QOTW: I guess I avoid getting my feelings hurt by typical toddler behavior by not having a typical toddler.

adoxyinherear · January 2014

Junebug060609 said:

@MartiniMomma If you need an ear with your sensory concerns, give me a shout. D is a seeker, not an avoider, but I for sure get the concerns.

I feel like we're dealing with the same old, same old here. He's making progress, but it is painfully slow. Things are moving forward with getting him is extra help. It will probably be a couple months before we actually see it happen, but the ball is rolling. Reports from recent evals are starting to roll in, as is paperwork I need to fill out. Today's struggle stems from one of the forms. The pedi that dx'd him filled it out. This line, it felt like a gut punch"

D has Autism Spectrum Disorder a brain based disorder of development characterized by language and social skill delays. D will require ongoing therapeutic and educational services throughout his life. Treatment will be ongoing and require a coordinated care plan involving pediatrics, speech/language therapy, occupational therapy, behavioral based therapies and educational services.

I knew all those things, but seeing them in black and white hurt so much. The rest of his life. He is a two year old sweet little boy and he's facing something that will affect him for the rest of his life. As a mom, I can't tell you guys how much I wish I could take these challenges away. I'm so scared I/we won't be able to give him all he needs, I honestly don't know where I'm going to find the strength and resources. And I'm scared to death to have the bottom fall out with the baby girl on the way. Not worried about getting her here so much as getting the A-bomb dropped again, or something equally as overwhelming.

I'm also struggling with them still considering him 'non-verbal'. He has made so much progress in the past year, to see that it STILL isn't enough for him to be considered verbal just hurts.

QOTW: I guess I avoid getting my feelings hurt by typical toddler behavior by not having a typical toddler.

@Junebug060609, I am incredibly sorry for all that you're going through right now and for posing a question to the check-in that was not inclusive. I feel terrible. It was not my intention at all and I'm keeping you and your fella in my heart.

Junebug060609 · January 2014

@rusalkasings. Please don't feel bad. I shouldn't have answered the check in when I did. I wasn't in a good place and I didn't think it through when I answered the qotw. I know it wasn't your intention.

Hearing of issues with typically developing toddlers is something I struggle with, and that is my issue, it has nothing to do with you. Most of those struggles I would give anything to be facing with DS...if that makes sense.

Also, I meant to have a winky smiley next to my answer. Not sure why it didn't show up.

FmrAFBrat · January 2014

@junebug060609 I am so sorry. I've been thinking about you.

How're you doing this week, mamas? Any funny stories? New challenges? Other stuff?

We have been doing pretty well other than cooped up indoors with a hyper active toddler. DS figured out how to get out of his crib,so we lowered the mattress to the floor. I'm still stressed that he'll get out at night & get himself locked in our cold garage, especially with it being single digit and negative temp at night. I'm hoping DH fixes everything soon. You really can't reason with him yet so I don't feel he's ready for a big boy bed yet. His communication skills are so far behind in some ways. Since it's been cold I've had stuff for him to do like play doh and art projects, as well as some new food (textures) for him to try. He did learn a new word tonight "clock" but that's not what it sounds like when he says it.

My question this week is a little selfish... how do you keep from/deal with getting your feelings hurt by typical toddler behavior?

He really doesn't hurt my feelings. Most of the things he does are out of frustration and tantrum related. I often times either try to figure out what exactly he wants or if it's because I said no I just ignore him. A lot of his tantrums lately have been because he wants to be BIG. He won't sit in a high chair or booster when we go out and wants an actual glass (like mommy and daddy) too. We purchased him a booster chair for the holidays and that was a major fail, he just wants to sit on his knees.

KJsbabe · January 2014

@Junebug060609 You are such a wonderful mom and advocate for D. I'm so sorry that you are hurting and having a hard time right now. ((Big, Huge, Hugs))

adoxyinherear · January 2014

@Junebug060609, thank you. You're an incredible person and mom. I am still going to be more mindful going forward.

martinimomma · January 2014

((Hugs)) Junebug.

MJM3108 · January 2014

::::lurky loo butting in::::

@Junebug060609 You and your DS will be in my prayers. You are an amazing mama!

Andplusalso, holy sh*t Ben will be one in 16 days, and then I will be actually checking in here, not just lurking. When the crap did that happen????

CdnFarmGirl08 · January 2014

@junebug060609 I'm sorry.

How're you doing this week, mamas? Any funny stories? New challenges? Other stuff?

We have been doing pretty good. DS seems to be catching every illness. Just finished the flu. I try to stay positive and say the good thing that came out of that was he stopped taking a bottle at night and actually got off the bottle completely. I tried so many times before and he just would get bad and me and chuck his sippy cup across the room. Suddenly he took to it no problem.

I'm starting to feel a bit overwhelmed with teaching, being a mom and going to university (just 2 classes- one online and one in class but I have to drive an hour there and back every week for it). N is a terrible sleeper- still up 3x a night most times, sometimes for a minute, sometimes for an hour. I'm just done. DH tries, but it just doesn't help. And he is trucking right now, hauling his grain so he is gone lots and that is tough.

Fun stories- DS learnt to say "hot". Now every time he eats (or touches anything) he puts his hand over and says "hot". He also now has to fold his hands and pray before every meal AND every bite. Lol.

My question this week is a little selfish... how do you keep from/deal with getting your feelings hurt by typical toddler behavior?

I'm not sure to be honest. Nathan will hit but only out of excitement, not really anger. I re-direct and say gentle and he quickly does it gently. Sometimes he hurts my feelings by not wanting to come home with me at the end of daycare, but I am thankful that he likes it there. He also only wants his dad when he comes home. Which is nice sometimes, I can get things done!

Hang in there Mama's! We can do it!

charmedgrl517 · January 2014

@junebug060609 (hugs) I'm sorry. You are a great mom!

How're you doing this week, mamas? Any funny stories? New challenges? Other stuff? DD is talking more and more. Lots of babbling but also new words such as ball and wow. Her top word is still Dad! I'm Mum Mum but Dad is what she says most!

how do you keep from/deal with getting your feelings hurt by typical toddler behavior? I honestly don't have an answer except try not get caught up in the moment and remind myself it's just a phase but it's hard.

adoxyinherear · January 2014

CdnFarmGirl08, DD does the same thing with her food! Everything is hot. Even if it isn't.

I feel like poor DD must be a monster, reading these stories! Really it's only been very lately that she's started smacking, and I'll take her hands and hold them and tell her that I won't let her smack and then ask her to use gentle hands, demonstrating with her hands on my face and my hands on her face. She definitely hasn't figured it out yet, and I get that she's a toddler and she has a lot of big feelings and it's my job to help her learn to control them. But damn, it's hard.

Sometimes I wonder if she isn't a little more frustrated than some other children her age because she doesn't actually say "no" yet. I've made it such a point not to say it to her unless there's a real safety issue that I just don't think she's heard it enough, so smacking or swatting things away is one of the only ways she has to tell me she doesn't want something.

She is so much fun lately, though, even if she is getting more willful by the minute. We took her outside to play in the snow - in my new signature pic - and she just squealed every time the wind kicked up and had a great time scraping snow off of one of our patio chairs. She was very deliberate about everything. DH set her down in the driveway where he was shoveling and scooped snow onto her lap and she just had a merry time sculpting it before I was convinced she was going to get frostbite and took her inside.

melly918 · January 2014

Junebug060609, hugs to you, mama. I work in special ed and have worked with various kids who have an ASD. All I can say is the more involved the parent is in the child's development and the more the parent advocates for the services the child needs, the more successful the child will be.

This week: I didn't post last week because it has been a crazy month. The school DS is currently attending for PreK is closing next year due to cuts and as we want him to continue in a parochial education, we had to look at other schools and sign him up ASAP to guarantee a spot. That problem solved, then our furnace broke down Monday and we live in an area where there are wind chill warnings of minus 20 or more. Luckily we got a new furnace yesterday but it has been a really stressful month with DH on restriction from lifting or shoveling, my bad back is starting to wear out. Anyway, DD is doing great. Her vocabulary is just amazing. She understands when we tell her time for a nap/bed (she goes to the stairs), time to change diaper or baths she signs something that looks like the sign for changing her clothes. "Time to wipe your face" and her little hand goes to her mouth and moves around. She is really outgoing and waves at people when we go out. Kind of funny as DH and I are reserved people.

Rusalka, there is a children's book called "Hands are not for hitting". I read it to DS when he was doing the hitting. It is all developmental and you can just say "hands are not for hitting" "mommy is sad" Keep it simple but be consistent. If she's having a tantrum and is safe where she is, you can just leave the room. When she realizes there is no audience she will stop and seek you out. You can then tell her that you see she was sad/mad/tired, give her a hug, and move on.

luvmyducks · January 2014

Sorry, I can't answer your question. DD1 is a really kind toddler--I'm waiting for the terrible 3s I guess since she's a good 2 year old. When she does act out I don't take it personally.

She's doing really well. Her speech is developing so well. She loves her 2yr old preschool class and her teachers rave about how good she does. She's one of the youngest in the class too. She is obsessed with the alphabet right now--she has known it for a while, but now she knows all the lower case letters too and starts "reading" letters where ever we are. She also will say a letter and then start making the sound it makes. Ever since her 2yr molars came out a couple months ago, we haven't had many behavior issues and she is napping great and sleeping great at night. The only challenge is when we are home, she wants me just to sit by her and watch her play. I have stuff to do! So she's not playing independently the best right now, but it is probably a stage and I try to remind myself it won't be like this forever.

adoxyinherear · January 2014

andrea ri 80 said:

I want to be a lurkie loo again and weight in on the QOTW, even though I don't participate in the check-in because this question really struck me (like, up at night thinking about it). Since W made a full transition from "baby" to "toddler" in my mind at around 18 months (he was very much a baby until then, not very verbal, a couple signs, a little peanut, so I did see him as a baby), and then he fully developed all the toddler behaviors around the time that C arrived (blue faced, inconsolable tantrums, slapping, kicking, biting, pushing boundaries), the hardest part was that his pushing boundaries and getting physical to show that he was frustrated (because he didn't have very many words at the time) included not only slapping and kicking me, but also hitting C. So imagine how terrible you feel having made the toddler a big brother, turned his world upside down, and this coincides with the appearance of the normal toddler behaviors, so there's the guilt for him, and also for the baby (who ended up being basically a punching bag for 6 months until W outgrew the behaviors (which also coincided with his vocabulary expanding, he got to a point where he could verbalize his wants/dissatisfactions/needs and most of the behavior had subsided). I don't know if I did the right thing, but trying to see in advance the things that would set him off, and fixing it. Also, when he was just on the cusp of being able to use words more effectively, I would try to tell him "You feel mad", "you feel tired", just because I really really thought that the root of his issue was not being able to express himself (and Callan's existence, but she wasn't going anywhere), I also did "time ins"

andrea ri 80, thank you SO MUCH for weighing in. I don't feel like DD has the words to describe how she feels, so she's definitely sending my physical signals. I'm wondering if I shouldn't change tactics with how I respond... asking her to use "gentle hands" is getting me nowhere and I think it's just frustrating her more. She is just getting so independent and I'm worried I'm not being firm enough, or that I'm raising a monster. I know many of these behaviors are typical and I know she has a strong will, I just wish I felt like I knew how to respond. But maybe I never will, and that's just part of being a parent.

adoxyinherear · January 2014

Bumgellica216 said:

andrea ri 80 said:

I want to be a lurkie loo again and weight in on the QOTW, even though I don't participate in the check-in because this question really struck me (like, up at night thinking about it). Since W made a full transition from "baby" to "toddler" in my mind at around 18 months (he was very much a baby until then, not very verbal, a couple signs, a little peanut, so I did see him as a baby), and then he fully developed all the toddler behaviors around the time that C arrived (blue faced, inconsolable tantrums, slapping, kicking, biting, pushing boundaries), the hardest part was that his pushing boundaries and getting physical to show that he was frustrated (because he didn't have very many words at the time) included not only slapping and kicking me, but also hitting C. So imagine how terrible you feel having made the toddler a big brother, turned his world upside down, and this coincides with the appearance of the normal toddler behaviors, so there's the guilt for him, and also for the baby (who ended up being basically a punching bag for 6 months until W outgrew the behaviors (which also coincided with his vocabulary expanding, he got to a point where he could verbalize his wants/dissatisfactions/needs and most of the behavior had subsided). I don't know if I did the right thing, but trying to see in advance the things that would set him off, and fixing it. Also, when he was just on the cusp of being able to use words more effectively, I would try to tell him "You feel mad", "you feel tired", just because I really really thought that the root of his issue was not being able to express himself (and Callan's existence, but she wasn't going anywhere), I also did "time ins"

andrea ri 80, thank you SO MUCH for weighing in. I don't feel like DD has the words to describe how she feels, so she's definitely sending my physical signals. I'm wondering if I shouldn't change tactics with how I respond... asking her to use "gentle hands" is getting me nowhere and I think it's just frustrating her more. She is just getting so independent and I'm worried I'm not being firm enough, or that I'm raising a monster. I know many of these behaviors are typical and I know she has a strong will, I just wish I felt like I knew how to respond. But maybe I never will, and that's just part of being a parent.
@Rusalkasings when you tell her to use gentle hands, do you show her how to use gentle hands? I'm asking bc I had to show Harper how to be gentle when petting our dog and she picked it up pretty quickly. Maybe try saying gentle hands while you gently pet something? Sorry if this is silly advice I just wanted to throw that out there.

Bumgellica216, definitely not silly! That is something that I do. I'll take her hand and stroke my face gently, and stroke her face gently with my hands. Usually she's not in the mood to listen because she was smacking me for a reason (she's frustrated), but I'm just going to keep trying.

Thanks ladies, really.

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