Advice Please

twinkletoes3126 · January 2014

I am hoping that someone can think of a compromise that I am somehow not thinking of.

My son is 17 months old. My husband and I have quickly learned that I tend to lean more towards attachment parenting and he doesn't. Long story short, I want to cosleep and he doesn't. We compromised and did room sharing but not bed sharing until 7.5 months. Then my husband convinced me to move him to his room and it went fine. Fast forward to a month ago, He started waking up in the night/early morning and we brought him into our bed. I was happy with this setup and apparently my husband hated it. He thinks my son should stay in his crib all night. For the last week we have made him stay in his crib and I am sooo tired. My son wakes up and we go sit in his room until he falls asleep. It happens 1-3 times a night and the whole process takes about 30 minutes. I am especially frustrated because I was happy with how things were. Anyway, thanks for listening. Does anyone have any suggestions that would make us all happy? Thanks in advance!

ncbelle · January 2014

We as in you go to sit with DH or we as in really both of you are doing this. If you are the one that's having to get up with kiddo, then I think DH needs to pull his weight if he is unwilling to cosleep. Some other options...kiddo can sleep on a pallet on your floor when he wakes, or you can put him in a big kid bed and sleep with him in his room when he wakes.

In any case I think it's important to talk to DH about why he feels the way he feels and discuss how it's impact your sleep (particularly if he isn't getting up too to help with the wakings).

Emerald27 · January 2014

I agree with @ncbelle that talking to DH about how you feel, and coming to a compromise, is really best. Why does he want DS to sleep in his crib all night? Does he fear a loss of intimacy with you? worry about having DS come to your bed part way through the night for years to come? think that this is just what babies are supposed to do?

I'm a big fan of going to LO instead of bringing them to you when they said during the night, once they're in their own bed. DS sleeps on a twin mattress on the floor in our room, and when he wakes, I go snuggle him in his bed rather than bringing him into ours. I want him to feel like his bed is a great place to be, and if he needs mommy too that's ok!

Of course you need to work out what will fit the needs of your family, but you can be creative in arranging your sleep. It doesn't have to be the sort of all or nothing that "baby in crib" or "cosleeping" brings...you can bedshare in baby's room part of the night, or on a floor bed in your room, or whatever fits your baby's needs, your needs, and DH's needs.

twinkletoes3126 · January 2014

Thanks ladies! I do like the idea of putting him in his bed and going to him when he wakes up, that might be a good compromise.

My husband does take turns going in his room, so I can't be upset about that. His reasoning for not wanting to cosleep is because he says he doesn't sleep as good (not enough room) and he believes he belongs in his own room. I really like the idea of going to lay in his room but I'm very nervous about switching from his crib. I'll have to think about it!

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