any family law experts?

tbmadeamistake · January 2014

I have a 20 year old little sister who is not biologically related but has been a little sister in every other way imaginable. She has a one year old. She and the baby's daddy just split up. She's currently living in a hotel with the baby, her mom is paying for it.

I just found out that she's getting drunk and high when the baby us asleep...in the same room. She has told my older sister that its OK for her to smoke around the baby because she has a medical marijuana license. False.

I don't want to call DCF and have the baby go to live with pot head dad. I don't want to have to call them at all. But...I cannot let that poor sweet girl be around that. What if something happened? I am completely torn. I would be willing to take her in here (dh might need a little convincing). What are the odds they'd remove the baby and give her to me and not the dad, provided he's sober at the time? I don't want to put the baby in a worse situation than she is already.

I love my sister but I will fight for that baby like she is my own if I need to. I'm just at such a loss. Ideas or suggestions are appreciated. I think I also just needed to get this off my chest.

JNYLP · January 2014

I have no clue what dcfs would do, but I agree with you- that's no good for the baby to be around!

Luna C · January 2014

I'm not an expert, but I'm pretty sure that barring unusual circumstances, the system tries to place kids first with the noncustodial parent, then the grandparents, then aunts/uncles.

Are there other family members who could step in to talk sense to her/help care for the baby?

tbmadeamistake · January 2014

Thanks ladies. My other sister and I are trying, she's not a very good listener. Her mom ( my moms friend) is also a smoker and going through a divorce. Her dad is awesome but since the divorce I have no idea how to get in touch with him. The dads mom is a high powered lawyer who lives in the southwest somewhere and flies into Boston to visit and give her pothead son money. Its just such a cluster fuck.

lest12 · January 2014

I have no idea, but I am sorry you are going through this right now and hope for a good ending

temursgirl · January 2014

joules235 said:
Maybe you could offer to have the baby stay with you so your sister could have some free time to find a job and an apartment. Sorry you are dealing with this, your sister and her baby are lucky to have you.

Or make this offer to her mom. From the point of view of helping out since presumably the mom has enough on her plate with the divorce, especially if your sister is at a hotel, not her mom's.

ElTrain5 · January 2014

It depends on the state she is in as to whether the department of children and family services will drug test dad prior to placement. I don't do a lot of family law, but your only "legal" recourse is to call the police/local equavilent of DCFS and they usually do place with parents first. Does she have any other family (blood related) besides the father of her baby? I'm guessing the baby would go to her mother first. Sorry your dealing with this

coffee-saur · January 2014

I don't have any advice, just sorry you're having to deal with this! She's lucky to have you.

Jazznit1984 · January 2014

Having worked with CPS... I would have written exactly what @lizardbreath14 posted.
Speak to your sister, she is obviously stressed and scared and making some poor choices. If she needs a night off from being a mom, offer to watch your niece. That way she could drink (as most people do after they break up) without jeopardizing the kid.
There are a few red flags aside from partying withnyour kid in the room. She's pretty close to homeless, how is she supporting herself and baby, and bio dad does not sound like a good support.
Make it clear that you have concerns. She still needs to wear her mom hat no matter how difficult things are. But there are many different ways you can look out and support her.
Chances are if you are considering calling CPS, others are too.

Hope that all made sense. I too am typing from my mobile.

Ashes92813 · January 2014

If dad is a pot head too sounds like he won't pass a drug test to take custody of the baby. Most states require that whomever takes custody takes and passes a drug test. If he can't pass, the baby could be placed with a family member, who can pass a house safety and drug test. You can always call DCF and consult with them anonymously. I would recommend it.

kibean · January 2014

In my area there are a lot of resources that would be available to someone in her situation to help mom and baby stay together and safely. Your local health dept. may have a list of some resources to check into if she would accept the help. I am not sure what exactly her needs are or how long they have been needs, but she could maybe use some case management by a social worker to help her avoid becoming homeless, sign up for financial help/programs, access counseling/parenting advice if needed, access medical care if needed, etc.

tbmadeamistake · January 2014

Thanks ladies! I talked to someone local thus morning, a mandated reporter who's been in the system long enough to know the laws. Basically what she is doing isn't enough for them to take jaz away, so my calling would do nothing other than alienate my sister. I can get her all the information I can on options available for her help and hope she uses it. If the dad sues for custody, the baby will automatically be appointed a state guardian/lawyer. I hope that happens so the poor girl has someone objective in her corner. Thanks for all the help!

LegalLadyBug · January 2014

Lilygrace48 said:
Thanks ladies! I talked to someone local thus morning, a mandated reporter who's been in the system long enough to know the laws. Basically what she is doing isn't enough for them to take jaz away, so my calling would do nothing other than alienate my sister. I can get her all the information I can on options available for her help and hope she uses it. If the dad sues for custody, the baby will automatically be appointed a state guardian/lawyer. I hope that happens so the poor girl has someone objective in her corner. Thanks for all the help!

I'm an attorney as well and agree with everything LizardBreath14 said.

I will say that what you said in that quote is not always true. From personal experience, when I was a kid, DHHS (our CPS) came to our home multiple times on a "anonymous" tip that my father was sexually abusive to us. They interviewed all of us individually. So, atleast where I'm from, you can make an anonymous report. You could always call and ask if it's possible and if not just hang up. Second, it's hard to say what CPS will decide as far as the mother being fit with her drinking and smoking. I did some work with Dependency in another state and IMO it is amazing and shocking what the courts decide sometimes.

Whatever happens, I'm sorry it's going on and I hope you can get it worked out.

MrsCase1 · January 2014

Well, you could tell CPS that BOTH parents are abusing drugs. That way they'd look for an alternate besides one of them.

tbmadeamistake · January 2014

@Lizardbreath12, @LegalLadyBug, she has a medical marijuana license, which apparently changes some of those rules (she apparently has bipolar disorder, which I don't believe but that's another story all together). I will definitely be looking into it more, as I need to know that I've done everything I can do help me niece. I live in MA, and from everything I've heard the laws here very much so favor the mother. As a non-mandated reporter, I do believe I can file a report anonymously, which is good. I will definitely be having a chat with my sister to see what's actually going on, but her posting pictures of booze and a joint to her fb with a "my night" caption two seconds after mentioning that the baby is finally asleep...not a great plan. It's just a shitty situation and I need to balance my own family's needs with being able to find her the help that she needs.

Thanks!

tbmadeamistake · January 2014

MrsCase1 said:

Well, you could tell CPS that BOTH parents are abusing drugs. That way they'd look for an alternate besides one of them.

And one of the grandmothers...it's a delightful situation all around. The biggest issue being both parents have medical marijuana licenses, and that sullies the waters a bit about legal/non-legal use in front of the baby apparently. Blergh.

ElTrain5 · January 2014

You can get a script for marijuana for bi-polar???

tbmadeamistake · January 2014

@Lizardbreath14, believe me, I've already thought of all those things! I'm definitely looking into it further. I'm allowed to drink, but if I'm drunk around my child and anything happens, I'm negligent anyway. I would assume it's much the same with any drug that's "legal".

@Eltrain5, you can if you have the right doctor who's willing to write the scrip! The dad also has one for ADD. Apparently the actual medications for those two issues don't work for these two special snowflakes, or they don't like the side effects.

ElTrain5 · January 2014

That is cray cray. I'm all for giving it to people who need it....but that doesn't sound like a productive treatment option for either of those issues.

tbmadeamistake · January 2014

Its not. She told me once that when the baby was sleeping, they'd turn on the video monitor and go fishbowl the car...so as not to get the smoke near the baby...

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any family law experts?

Married DH 7/30/11

CSC arrived 5/7/12

CHC arrived 6/2/14

Re: any family law experts?

Married DH 7/30/11

CSC arrived 5/7/12

CHC arrived 6/2/14

Married DH 7/30/11

CSC arrived 5/7/12

CHC arrived 6/2/14

Married DH 7/30/11

CSC arrived 5/7/12

CHC arrived 6/2/14

Married DH 7/30/11

CSC arrived 5/7/12

CHC arrived 6/2/14

Married DH 7/30/11

CSC arrived 5/7/12

CHC arrived 6/2/14

Married DH 7/30/11

CSC arrived 5/7/12

CHC arrived 6/2/14

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