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Aaargh, let her be, DH!

ReeceFamilyReeceFamily member
in Attachment Parenting
DD is just on the verge of so many things and is developing so well.  DH has been driving me crazy by trying to show/teach her how to do things, and he is forcing it a little.  For example, if she is playing with a toy, he will take the toy from her and show her how to do it "right"...saying "good girl" when she does so (aargh).  Lately he has been trying to "teach" her how to walk by letting go of her hands, etc., when she is very obviously nervous about walking without us supporting her.  I have to admit he has gotten her to take a few steps...but to what end?  Does it matter that she walks now instead of next week when she is ready because SHE wants to, not because Daddy is ready for her to do it?

I've been holding my tongue because of other issues with DH (he suffers from cyclical depression and has been in a very low place lately), but it is driving me crazy.  I have gently told him that research shows kids do better/are more self-directed, etc., when allowed to figure things out for themselves (with appropriately timed guidance), and he was receptive but I don't think it has really clicked for him.

Any thoughts?  Am I over-reacting?  
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Re: Aaargh, let her be, DH!

  • veetveetveetveet member
    Does it matter if he tries now? Maybe it's his way of interacting and playing with her. I don't see the big deal. If the baby isbmiserable, crying, or not wanting to interact with him then I would address it.
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  • ReeceFamilyReeceFamily member
    No, she's not miserable at all :).  That's why I'm asking...it bugs me, but I'm not sure if it does matter!
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  • veetveetveetveet member
    As long as she is happy and daddy is happy.... you should be happy too! :)
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  • Emerald27Emerald27 member
    Perhaps this is how DH connects with her - he is trying to show her things, to teach her. What a GOOD daddy!

    Is DH her primary caregiver? I don't mean this in a bad way, but if she is self directed 2/3 of the time, and is guided by him on evenings and weekends, and just when they're actively playing and interacting, then I doubt this will have much of an effect either way. :) If every waking hour was spent with him doing everything for her, that might be different.

    I'm really not trying to invalidate your concern. However, IMHO, a daddy playing gently with his baby in the way that makes him feel most connected to her is far more important than being careful not to do too much for her. :)
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  • sugarbear0524sugarbear0524 member
    Who's to say that you're right about self-direction, etc.? He might be able to produce studies that show his way of thinking, too. She sounds happy and clearly likes the interaction with your DH. Focus on being grateful for having a DH who wants to interact with your kids. It's priceless!
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  • ReeceFamilyReeceFamily member
    @Emerald27 - no, we both work and DD is in daycare during the week.

    While I wish DH was more engaged with the day-to-day stuff with DD (like changing diapers, etc.) he is stellar in terms of giving her cuddles and playing with her.  She LOVES her some daddy.  So, I'll back off and let dad be dad!

    I appreciate the honest feedback from all of you :). 

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  • honkytonk_kidhonkytonk_kid member
    I definitely understand the sentiment of "Agh, back off and give the kid some space!" However, given the choice of some well intentioned over-direction vs undermining his parenting confidence (especially on an issue you have already shared your opinion on), I would absolutely let it go. That is to say- I don't think your feelings are unreasonable, but I think acting on them may not be worth the consequences.

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  • URMySunshine77URMySunshine77 member
    ReeceFamily said:
    @Emerald27 - no, we both work and DD is in daycare during the week.

    While I wish DH was more engaged with the day-to-day stuff with DD (like changing diapers, etc.) he is stellar in terms of giving her cuddles and playing with her.  She LOVES her some daddy.  So, I'll back off and let dad be dad!

    I appreciate the honest feedback from all of you :). 

    @ReeceFamily: It sounds like our husbands are similar. I also need to bite my tongue sometimes when they are playing. I never want DS to feel pressured to achieve anything, but I'll only say something if he affects DS's confidence.

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