One Twin Leaving the NICU Before the Other

nblondheim · January 2014

I need your advice/opinions:

We have been informed that one of our twins may be discharged tomorrow at 34 weeks 5 days from the NICU. I have been just staying right there with the twins and they told us if one gets discharged first we could still continue to stay but the twin that is discharged is our complete responsibility which I understand and get. We all thought it would be great to be able to stay but this morning as I paid attention I realized it may be a little difficult! I have to use the bathroom (a walk from our room), go get food, (in the family room or cafeteria), eat (can't eat in our room), etc which requires me to leave the room and I would have to take our twin with me into the possibility of germs and how do I use the bathroom with her?! I know this would be the same at home but I could leave the twin in her bed, in a bouncy chair, etc and I don't have those options here. I truly can't see myself being able to leave one twin at the NICU and take the other home either. We live 75 minutes away and going back and forth with a preemie would be crazy too. Has anyone else dealt with this? What did you do? What is your advice/opinions for us?

kari.sandall · January 2014

My daughter came home 1 week before my son did. Honestly, it was the hardest week. We took her home because I was worried about the germs. We live 45 minutes away from the hospital, so we took turns going to see our son. One of us would go in the morning while the other stayed home with our daughter, then we would switch in the evenings. I cried every night because I felt like I had abandoned him. I pray your second twin will get to come home soon!

PurpleIris30 · January 2014

My husband had to take off work that week to help. Our Nicu was over a 100 miles away, and I was breast feeding both babies so couldn't leave one. Thankfully, they did let me bring the baby discharged first back into the nicu. I needed a second person there so that I could go eat and go to the bathroom, etc. without leaving the baby unattended or taking her with me and exposing her to the germs in the rest of the hospital.

Edit: they were discharged a week apart. Had it been a longer period of time, I would have had my mom travel to help, so maybe a friend or family member could help if your husband can't.

SV917 · January 2014

My son didn't have any NICU time, but my daughter had a 6 week stay. It was very hard. The first week she was at the local hospital where they were born and my husband was on FMLA leave so we visited several times a day. Then she was transferred to a level 3 NICU about an hour away (a little more with traffic plus time to park). If family was in town to help watch H, then my husband & I would go see E. If it was just my husband and me, then we would take turns. I hated leaving her, but I had to get back to my son. I also hated that so much time was wasted by travel where I couldn't spend time with either one. There weren't private rooms so we couldn't stay at the hospital. My son couldn't enter the NICU either which made it even more difficult. It sucks, but you do the best you can do. It's hard not to feel guilty, but the most important thing is that your baby gets the medical care s/he needs.

mamatotwins0812 · January 2014

Ditto what @Kari.sandall said. We were in a similar situation except we were not allowed to take b back once he was discharged which posed the issue of someone having to be home and someone at nicu. And I was pumping so figuring out all of that was torture. Not to discourage you but like PP said it was the hardest week of my life. I felt terrible guilt when I left him behind and felt like I couldn't get there fast enough in the mornings. It was awful. DH had also just started a new job so he wasn't as accessible as we would have liked. I would stay home in the morning and pump etc then head over around lunch time to tend to a. In your situation my advice would be to either have someone come with you if possible, or leave the discharged LO home with someone, if possible. It's going to be tough but you can do it! GL and I hope your oter LO makes it home soon.

nblondheim · January 2014

Thank you to each of you for your advice/opinions! It really means a lot and definitely helped! The verdict is we will be staying after Karley is discharged in the room. My in-laws will be coming for the weekend and then my husband will be here Sunday for a week. We are bringing a RNP and I will be looking for a wrap tomorrow! Thank you all again!

meldoo2002 · January 2014

Joey came home a week after Nathan. I was allowed to bring Nathan back every day, they even kept his crib set up next to Joey's in their little area. I did take him back and forth each day (30 min. one way). I just kept him in his car seat when I had to pump, eat, go to the bathroom and took him with me. Not really a big deal. It was like we never left really. When we had visitors they often held Nathan while I did Joey's feedings, etc.

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