I hate this stupid numbers game!

Lillovebug79 · January 2014

Well today was IUI #6 for me and essentially a bust. It seems like it's always something. This cycle I was so hopeful, it was my first full cycle of injects and everything on my end couldn't have been better. My DH did a follow up with his urologist and his testosterone had over doubled. Not to mention his last SA was almost normal. The urologist said if things keep going in this direction to stop treatment and try on our own for 3 months. I was over the moon excited. Normally when I am waiting for my IUI I am extremely anxious, not knowing what the numbers will be that time. Today I was so calm, cool, and collected. So when the doctor came in and told me that he had no idea what had happened but our post wash count was only 300,000 I almost fell off of the table! We have never had anything less than 4.8 million before. I started to panic. He said not to worry that he would still do it and that although is unlikely, he has seen it work with less than that. I held it together until I got in my car and then I cried my eyes out. My DH was anxiously awaiting my call with his numbers (convinced they would be better than ever) and I had to deliver that news. It was terrible, I felt so bad even telling him. I know he feels so much guilt already. Thank goodness I was home alone all day today so that I could cry it out without making him feel worse. So I'm pretty much counting myself out and waiting on AF to arrive. I don't really even feel like getting my progesterone checked in a week because what's the freaking point? They also told me I could go an HCG booster in 4 days but I feel like its a waste of the meds, not sure if I will or not. Anyway, I guess I'll be on the my 7th and final IUI in February. Ugh!

jencity9 · January 2014

(((Hugs))) I'm so sorry.

can you guys still do TI to increase the chances?

DharmaChick · January 2014

*hugs*

chicory · January 2014

I'm sorry

I don't know what to say other than I can understand some of your pain/frustration. You've been doing IUIs longer than me, but we are also MFI and DHs numbers on our first one (just completed) were a lot lower than his previous (diagnostic) SAs. It's hard enough to take care of yourself, and also take care of YH's emotions at the same time. I wish MFI and IF in general weren't such a friggin' sucky mystery! Don't count yourself out yet and take care of yourself! I have FX and prayers that this IUI will beat the odds for you and be THE one!!

Lillovebug79 · January 2014

Thank you all, being able to vent to people who understand helps more than I ever imagined. This 'journey' is definitely a roller coaster! I feel like I spend every month concerned about numbers follies, estrogen, progesterone, med doses, SA, progesterone.. I'm just ready to not think about it anymore. I'm honestly debating on taking next month off. I have a follow up with my RE next week to discuss the next step, the IVF process. I am going to ask about maybe doing Femara my next IUI cycle and saving my remaining vial of Follistim for IVF. Well, at least I have 2 weeks to get that plan in order,! Again, thank you so much for your supportive responses!

Lillovebug79 · January 2014

@jencity9 we plan on trying but it will probably be too late. My DH had hearings all day today and then he teaches a class one night a week and go figure it's tonight. So he won't be home until after 9. I'm pretty sure I ovulated around 10am, the pain was almost unbearable but has luckily mostly subsided. I guess there's always a chance. I have to remind myself that it only takes 1!