Was I wrong here? NBR

YetterEA · January 2014

Two of my childhood friends-- "Josh and Mandy"-- are married. They recently had faternal twins. The twins look nothing a like. Mandy posted of a pic of them on FB, commenting how they look nothing a like. I commented on the picture saying that the one twin looks like them, but the other twin looks like Mandy and Josh's brother had a baby (remember we are all childhood friends, so I am also friends with Josh's brother). Well Josh freaked the hell out and sent me this nasty email threatening to "tear me apart on FB" (uh, ok) and telling me how "derogatory" my comment was. After much going back and forth, I figured out he took the comment as if I was saying Mandy cheated on him and the one twin was actually his brother's baby--uh, WTH? That is literally impossible. What I was actually saying was "he doesnt look like you b/c he has blonde hair and blue, he looks like your brother". I guess I could have worded that better, but I feel like he is being overly sensitive. I mean it's his brother. They share the same gene pool. It just so happens that Josh has brown hair and brown eyes, while his brother has blonde hair and blue eyes, so I dont understand the huge blow up over my comment. Was I wrong here?

tbmadeamistake · January 2014

Nope. I would have laughed at you. M'thinks he dost protest too much and either doesn't trust his wife, or his brother did sleep with someone he either liked or dated on the past.

bebemac · January 2014

I would take it as a joke, too!

theamandapanda · January 2014

He needs to relax and learn how to take a joke. My son looks a lot like my brother....it wouldn't bother me or my husband if someone joked about it on FB. Try not to worry about it.

nunzchucks · January 2014

Settle it on down, Josh! Sounds like someone else is having a post-birth hormone flush.

Read247 · January 2014

YetterEA said:
Two of my childhood friends-- "Josh and Mandy"-- are married. They recently had faternal twins. The twins look nothing a like. Mandy posted of a pic of them on FB, commenting how they look nothing a like. I commented on the picture saying that the one twin looks like them, but the other twin looks like Mandy and Josh's brother had a baby (remember we are all childhood friends, so I am also friends with Josh's brother). Well Josh freaked the hell out and sent me this nasty email threatening to "tear me apart on FB" (uh, ok) and telling me how "derogatory" my comment was. After much going back and forth, I figured out he took the comment as if I was saying Mandy cheated on him and the one twin was actually his brother's baby--uh, WTH? That is literally impossible. What I was actually saying was "he doesnt look like you b/c he has blonde hair and blue, he looks like your brother". I guess I could have worded that better, but I feel like he is being overly sensitive. I mean it's his brother. They share the same gene pool. It just so happens that Josh has brown hair and brown eyes, while his brother has blonde hair and blue eyes, so I dont understand the huge blow up over my comment. Was I wrong here?

If they had the twins "recently" then they probably aren't sleeping. Lack of sleep can make anyone extra grouchy. I think it could have been worded differently, but I think his reaction was a little over the top. Personally I would just apologize let it blow over.

kbellizio3 · January 2014

While it probably could've been worded differently, I think it totally was blown out of proportion on his part. DH and I have a strong chance of having a kid with red hair. Neither of us has red hair. Guess who does? My sister and DH's brother. Sooooooo. Yea it's possible for a baby to look like its aunt/uncle

yayksimp · January 2014

He sounds super sensitive! I would've gotten that it wasn't meant that way no matter how you worded it. Some people just aren't great at reading the sentiment behind the written word, I think-- they take everything the wrong way.

LegalLadyBug · January 2014

Sounds like there could be some underlying issues there you're not privy to. Overreaction in my opinion.

ElTrain5 · January 2014

I vote team calmthefuckdown. I wouldn't worry about it.

nikki0808 · January 2014

I would point out that with fraternal twins it is possible to have 2 different fathers. She released 2 eggs and therefore 2 different sperm need to penetrate. So.. If (hypothetically) she slept with both of the brothers within a very close time (sperm can live up to a week in the reproductive tract) then, yeah, it can happen.

However, I think it was blown out of proportion. You didn't say what I just did and honestly fraternal twins are merely siblings that happened to grow at the same time. I have brown hair brown eyes and my brother has blonde hair green eyes so it isn't uncommon for them to not look the same.

misscarter87 · January 2014

Wow omg i cant believe he took it like that

MrsCase1 · January 2014

Sounds like your "friend" ( I used the term loosely) is very immature. I'd keep out of this ticking timebomb's way for a bit.

blonde_mama · January 2014

I don't see anything wrong with your wording...definitely sounds like Josh has some issues that he's projecting onto you. Sorry you had to deal with that! Any kind of conflict can be so stressful at this time.

FutureMrsW9 · January 2014

I probably would have laughed, but some people are more sensitive. I actually joke with DH all the time "are you SURE you're the father" since we went through IVF and we watch too much tv and see horror stories of mixups happening...he doesn't get mad, just gives me a look like "really???" Out of curiosity, were their babies conceived naturally or did they go through fertility treatment? If they went through fertility treatment, where you do see A LOT of fraternal twins, it may just be an overly sensitive topic that they don't find funny, so I would understand that. I'm not overly sensitive, but some people are when it comes to IF. If not, then I think he's being kinda ridiculous and if it offended him that much they could just remove the comment.

LaurelJoy91 · January 2014

My sister in law has red hair and green eyes and her husband has black hair and brown eyes. Their son has blond hair and blue eyes. Her brother, aka my husband, also has blond hair and blue eyes. My mother obviously knows my husband much better than she does his sister, having had to put up with him being like family since we started dating back in high school, so practically every time she sees a photo of our little nephew, she comments on how much he resembles his uncle. I feel that it's quite reasonable for her to see such a resemblance, but on a few occasions SIL has gotten rather offended at my mother's comments, saying "No, he looks like his MOTHER". Which is true, but my mom didn't have to spend 5 years seeing SIL's face at her house after school every day, so that beautiful visage is not the one that is burned into her retinas.

I think most parents just want to hear how much their children resemble them, because somehow it makes them feel special/good about themselves? And in my sister in law's case, she was just sick of hearing the same comment over and over, every time she posted a photo. In your friends case... maybe he really is just stupid and legitimately thought that the twins could have two dads and took your comment as a literal accusation. I don't think your comment was out of line, but when posting on the internet, you have to remember that things like tone, inflection, etc. don't carry through when read by everyone, which is also why some SS here have a difficult time picking up when we're being sarcastic to them.

chaysefaith · January 2014

If someone had said that to us I would have been really hurt and offended by the comment and he would blow it off. Bf is not the type of guy to start a bunch of drama over it, but I would be curious to know if that was the case here too, and he was just defending his wife.

Missib55 · January 2014

Everyone jokes with me that ds1 looks like my bil and ds2 looks like DH. They look pretty much the same only ds1 has lighter hair and skin tone like me and bil and ds2 is a little bit darker hair and skin. They're brothers they share the same genes. I think that he's totally overreacting! We think its kinda funny the looks we get when bil used to carry ds2 on his shoulders and DH would be holding ds1 hand and I was walking between them at things like fireworks and parades.

Puka99 · January 2014

Yeah I am the camp he over reacted. My sons honestly look like my dh. Two of my brothers had strawberry blond hair and no one in our family has that (well my dad's side does like three generations before.) They used to joke that they were the mailman's babies (kind of awkward there because my dad's dad was a mailman.) Seriously, there are so many gene variations that kids don't always look like their parents.

My friends sister just had a baby and she looks just like my friend. Nothing like her parents. They just laugh and thinks it's funny.

CherSomething · January 2014

Over-sensitive.

You're right--they're brothers--same gene pool. Weird. That reaction would be such a big turn-off for me, I'd have a hard time talking to him ever again (or at least for a really, really, long time).

katekat8721 · January 2014

I'm team "yeah he freaked out but you were kinda douchey". Who wants to hear their kids don't look like them? No one, so why say it?

Plus, they may have done fertility treatments and if so it's possible they needed donor sperm. My friend did and IUI with donor sperm and I guarantee you if someone told her husband the little girl didn't look like him, he'd be pissed. It's rude.

Luna C · January 2014

No, it's pretty obviously a joke and he's being silly. Esp. if they have different coloring so it would be obvious why you would make that connection.

I agree with PPs that maybe the brothers had an incident where they both went after the same girl or something in their past. Or he's got the male version of pregnancy hormones making him overemotional.

I will note though that while VERY rare, it's not impossible for fraternal twins to have different fathers.

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Was I wrong here? NBR

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