Circumcision Rant(ish?)

SmittyPants · January 2014

We're staying with my parents while the asbestos in our kitchen is removed (we're renovating) and my mom and I were talking about the new baby. I mentioned in passing that we aren't planning to circumcise and she freaked out. She kept telling me that it's disgusting, that I'm making a huge mistake, that we shouldn't ever expect her to help bathe him or change a diaper because she finds it repulsive.

I kept my mouth shut mostly because I was just stunned that she reacted so viscerally. I'll likely not bring it up again because I really don't see the point, but I'm just curious if anyone else has experienced such backlash. I'm honestly shocked by it.

And if you're all sick of this subject, my apologies.

ceh789 · January 2014

My mother has the same reaction about us cloth diapering. My response is mostly "oh, ok". She seems to think that her opinion of my choices matters way, way more than it does. Trying to dissuade her from that notion seems like a futile exercise. The temptation to constantly remind her of how 'repulsive' my cloth diapered daughter is to her is nearly overwhelming, but I mostly bite my tongue. We'll see how that goes once she's here and my mother is gagging to see more of her.

clo1982 · January 2014

Wow that's a crazy reaction considering, like @kirotea said, it isn't attached to HER body!

I had a strange conversation with the OB yesterday regarding this (it was my first time meeting this dr and I had heard he was kind of awkward). DH and I plan to circumsize (not looking for debates, just presenting the facts!) and I asked the dr if I had to fill out any paperwork since I switched practices part way through my pregnancy. I wasn't sure if it was something you filled out early on and I missed it. He said 'no you will sign a consent form in the hospital...but please keep in mind we are only willing to circumsize if you deliver a boy.' I'm staring at him hearing crickets chirping in my head....waiting for him to laugh or say SOMETHING to indicate that he was stating the obvious or joking around or something! Nope, he is also staring at me, dead serious. I finally said 'well 3 U/S have showed us a boy, so umm that is why I asked.'

kstar83 · January 2014

We aren't having a boy, so we really didn't have to discuss this, but MH said that if one or both were boys they were definitely having it done. When I asked why he was so adamant about it, he didn't really have a response, just that it was happening and to get on board. Again, since we weren't having a boy I didn't press the issue to see if he had done any research etc. or really why he felt so strongly. If we had I would have absolutely had a discussion or 9 on this until we felt we had come to an agreement.

I don't have a penis, personally, and am not in charge of one, and have not done my research, but to me it seems their are many opposing views/articles out there. Also, I think once you mom finds out that will limit her bonding time with baby, she might just forget the whole thing. On the other hand, I have never seen an uncircumcised penis, do they look THAT different? Would she even notice at such a young age? Do I sound REALLY naive right now?

beachcomberbride · January 2014

@clo1982 female circumcision is a real thing, hence why he said that I'm sure. It's practiced in almost 30 countries in the world, predominantly in Muslim, Asian and Middle Eastern cultures. It's a horrible practice that the WHO (world health organization) is trying to put an end to, but it's very much a part of so many cultures that it's been hard to eradicate.

katykatykaty · January 2014

I received a very watered-down version of that response from my mom when I told her. She never said it was disgusting, but she kept asking why I didn't want to do that and was I sure I knew what I was doing. I think she was just surprised, and since my dad is Jewish, I guess it was new to her.

ceh789 · January 2014

@kstar83 yes, she would notice the difference at any age.

kstar83 · January 2014

clo1982 said:

Wow that's a crazy reaction considering, like @kirotea said, it isn't attached to HER body!

I had a strange conversation with the OB yesterday regarding this (it was my first time meeting this dr and I had heard he was kind of awkward). DH and I plan to circumsize (not looking for debates, just presenting the facts!) and I asked the dr if I had to fill out any paperwork since I switched practices part way through my pregnancy. I wasn't sure if it was something you filled out early on and I missed it. He said 'no you will sign a consent form in the hospital...but please keep in mind we are only willing to circumsize if you deliver a boy.' I'm staring at him hearing crickets chirping in my head....waiting for him to laugh or say SOMETHING to indicate that he was stating the obvious or joking around or something! Nope, he is also staring at me, dead serious. I finally said 'well 3 U/S have showed us a boy, so umm that is why I asked.'

umm wow. I have no words.

SmittyPants · January 2014

Well, good to know I'm not alone. I was honestly stunned by it. I mean, I know it's a hot topic but I thought it was just among our generation. Yeesh.

teaforthree · January 2014

@SmittyPants - I am in no way defending the way your mom reacted, but I will say that after speaking to several older adults in our family, you kind of see how set in their ways they are, and how they think that the way they did things 30+ years ago is still the norm (on one side of my family, the issue was spanking - ugh). So, if circumcision was the norm for your mom in the men she was with or the children she raised, you probably caught her off guard when you said you weren't going to because she just assumed you would. It's a shame she didn't take time to think before responding though, because it made her sound really immature in my opinion (calling it "disgusting" and "repulsive"). If she really does refuse to help with diapers and baths, she'll find out quickly enough that it will limit her time with her grandson and I'm sure she'll change her tune soon enough.

BrideNamedMeg · January 2014

That would definitely have shocked me as well. It's such a minor thing either way, I would never expect such a strong response.

sebullows · January 2014

My mom acted oppositely. We are having our LO circumcised and she flipped out. I guess in England it's not very common so none of her three boys plus her husband aren't (I cannot use the words brother and dad here or it'll FREAK ME OUT. Ew.) I guess I was fine either way and since DH cared so much and is adamant about it we're going through with it. I am dreading them taking him to do that to him tho

Like others said, I'm sure your over dramatic mil will get over it. Pretty ridiculous!

SamJustice · January 2014

My mom had the same reaction. She kept trying to change our minds and even went so far as to tell rhe NICU doctors we had changed our minds during one of her solo visits (the doctor contacted me and told me and we revoked her lone visition rights).

Eventually she got over it and is just greatful for any time she can get with him. Even if it is a diaper change or bath time.

PinupMomma08 · January 2014

I don't mind when people ask about my sons penis, or DS2's penises fate.

As long as they don't mind me asking about why they are so concerned about my toddlers penis. Paired with a giant side eye usually makes them feel like a total creep.

ceh789 · January 2014

SamJustice said:

My mom had the same reaction. She kept trying to change our minds and even went so far as to tell rhe NICU doctors we had changed our minds during one of her solo visits (the doctor contacted me and told me and we revoked her lone visition rights). Eventually she got over it and is just greatful for any time she can get with him. Even if it is a diaper change or bath time.

Holy shit @ lying to the doctors about it! I'd be livid.

huskymomma94 · January 2014

Honestly, I think my mom was...dismayed...at first when I was pregnant with DS and decided not to circ. No outwardly horrified reaction but I got the distinct feeling she thought circumcision was the way to go. Once she got used to the idea and we talked about it, and particularly once he was born and we didn't, she seems to have accepted it and I think supports my decision.

DTNZ4Ever · January 2014

Just and FYI even if you do circumsize you still have to clean and maintain it. Especially when DS was a baby we still had skin to pull back to maintain the circumcision. So Im not sure what your mom is freaking out about.

SmittyPants · January 2014

My mom had the same reaction. She kept trying to change our minds and even went so far as to tell rhe NICU doctors we had changed our minds during one of her solo visits (the doctor contacted me and told me and we revoked her lone visition rights). Eventually she got over it and is just greatful for any time she can get with him. Even if it is a diaper change or bath time.

Holy shit. I hope she doesn't try to pull something like THAT. Wow. Sorry you had to deal with it.

jwls84 · January 2014

Wow, that is quite the over reaction! Seriously it is non of her business! I hope she doesn't look forward to babysitting her grandson ever!

ladyglittersparkles · January 2014

Your baby... Your decision. If he has a problem with it later in life he can always get circed. You can't reverse it once it's already done

ceh789 · January 2014

DTNZ4Ever said:

Just and FYI even if you do circumsize you still have to clean and maintain it. Especially when DS was a baby we still had skin to pull back to maintain the circumcision. So Im not sure what your mom is freaking out about.

Just a PSA, you should never try to "pull the skin back" from an uncircumcised penis on a child. Like the vagina, it is a self-cleaning system in there and trying to clean under the foreskin can cause terrible infections and/or tear the skin. I don't know anything about care of a circumcised penis, so I'm assuming what you did was fine

ETA: https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/baby/bathing-skin-care/pages/Care-for-an-Uncircumcised-Penis.aspx

pattipants · January 2014

I'd be pissed as hell if my mom reacted that way -- calling it "disgusting" etc! I'd immediately jump down her throat and dispel some of the myths about how "dirty" an intact penis is. In fact, the vagina has more smegma than an intact penis. So I'd tell her she has a dirty, nasty vagina, and she should mind her own business, and go take a shower and clean up her own smegma. (No offense to your mother in particular -- that's how I imagine myself reacting if MY mom said those things to me!) We are leaving our son intact, but the topic of circumcision hasn't been discussed with our families... so we'll see how they react later on, I suppose.

codec · January 2014

ceh789 said:

DTNZ4Ever said:

Just and FYI even if you do circumsize you still have to clean and maintain it. Especially when DS was a baby we still had skin to pull back to maintain the circumcision. So Im not sure what your mom is freaking out about.

Just a PSA, you should never try to "pull the skin back" from an uncircumcised penis on a child. Like the vagina, it is a self-cleaning system in there and trying to clean under the foreskin can cause terrible infections and/or tear the skin. I don't know anything about care of a circumcised penis, so I'm assuming what you did was fine ETA: https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/baby/bathing-skin-care/pages/Care-for-an-Uncircumcised-Penis.aspx

This, I am surprised more people dont know about this.

Pinecone21 · January 2014

At our childbirth class, the nurse said that our hospital doesn't even do circumcisions anymore. If you want it done, you have to talk to your pediatrician. Is anyone else's hospital like this?

LolaBelle11 · January 2014

We are the first to not circumcise in our family and people were taken aback but now that they understand the procedure, my mom especially is now repulsed by the circumcision procedure and couldnt be happier we left him intact.

Its not her penis, its not anybodys penis but the baby boys... she needs to get off her high horse.

katykatykaty · January 2014

Cmmo14 said:

ceh789 said:

DTNZ4Ever said:

Just and FYI even if you do circumsize you still have to clean and maintain it. Especially when DS was a baby we still had skin to pull back to maintain the circumcision. So Im not sure what your mom is freaking out about.
Just a PSA, you should never try to "pull the skin back" from an uncircumcised penis on a child. Like the vagina, it is a self-cleaning system in there and trying to clean under the foreskin can cause terrible infections and/or tear the skin. I don't know anything about care of a circumcised penis, so I'm assuming what you did was fine ETA: https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/baby/bathing-skin-care/pages/Care-for-an-Uncircumcised-Penis.aspx
This is not always the case. DS is not circumcised but because of an exam performed on him day 2 they retracted his foreskin, and we have to keep doing so. I know we are the exception to the rule though

@cmmo14 I was actually going to message you with a question about this... When I was talking to my pedi the other day about possible kidney complications, she said if LO was uncircumcised, they might have to pull back the skin to do a catheter for urine/UTI tests. Did the retraction go okay? It sounds terrible and made my husband and I revisit our decision to not circumcise.

KariB509 · January 2014

kirotea said:

Well since it's none of her business (the penis is not attached to HER body), then she should STFU.

I have to agree with this! Your son, your choice!

I personally don't care what other people do. DH and I chose to circumcise our son but I'm not going to judge people that choose not to.

MayKay12 · January 2014

I am so sorry you have to deal with this!! My ds was not circ and this little boy will not be either. When I told my mom I was expecting some kind of argument, but luckily it never happened. I gave her all of the facts and statistics. She was very surprised and didn't know any of it. She had no idea that it is far more common and acceptable now too.

Beyond all of that, it is not her choice and trying to guilt you into doing it is ridiculous!

katykatykaty · January 2014

Thank you! That makes me feel better. They don't know yet... my doctor thought he'd be able to see more at our next u/s and then even better (obviously) once LO is here. It's just a wait and see thing now, I guess.

KariB509 · January 2014

clo1982 said:

Wow that's a crazy reaction considering, like @kirotea said, it isn't attached to HER body!

I had a strange conversation with the OB yesterday regarding this (it was my first time meeting this dr and I had heard he was kind of awkward). DH and I plan to circumsize (not looking for debates, just presenting the facts!) and I asked the dr if I had to fill out any paperwork since I switched practices part way through my pregnancy. I wasn't sure if it was something you filled out early on and I missed it. He said 'no you will sign a consent form in the hospital...but please keep in mind we are only willing to circumsize if you deliver a boy.' I'm staring at him hearing crickets chirping in my head....waiting for him to laugh or say SOMETHING to indicate that he was stating the obvious or joking around or something! Nope, he is also staring at me, dead serious. I finally said 'well 3 U/S have showed us a boy, so umm that is why I asked.'

beachcomberbride said:

@clo1982 female circumcision is a real thing, hence why he said that I'm sure. It's practiced in almost 30 countries in the world, predominantly in Muslim, Asian and Middle Eastern cultures. It's a horrible practice that the WHO (world health organization) is trying to put an end to, but it's very much a part of so many cultures that it's been hard to eradicate.

@clo1982, yes, unfortunately it is a real thing and your doctor wasn't joking around when you told you that they don't perform circumcision on females.

Wikipedia isn't the greatest source but here's some info about it that's quite distrubing: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_circumcision

katykatykaty · January 2014

I'm pretty sure @clo1982 knows about the practice of female circumcision... I'm guessing she was just shocked that her doctor thought she would want that. I would have had the same reaction, I'm sure.

erinsullivan427 · January 2014

My nurse at my office asked me if we will and when I told them no, they were shocked. Just for healthy discussion's sake, I gave them our reasons and what the AAP says and they were just so surprised. One said she thinks it's disgusting and when he's an old man, he will smell. This came from a coworker!

I usually just say, I wouldn't cut off a baby girl's labia to make it easy to clean her vagina. Most people are so uncomfortable with that, they shut up.

clo1982 · January 2014

katykatykaty said:

I'm pretty sure @clo1982 knows about the practice of female circumcision... I'm guessing she was just shocked that her doctor thought she would want that. I would have had the same reaction, I'm sure.

This exactly. I know it exists...I guess I just assumed I wouldn't have to clarify to my dr that I was indeed speaking of male circumcision! I doubt it's real common here in the 'burgh which was why I was so taken aback.

fish8412 · January 2014

If we were having a boy, we would not be discussing his penis with anyone for this very reason. It is so ridiculous that people think it is OK to comment on topics like this.

SurpriseAt39 · January 2014

No one's business about my kid's penis.

And FYI, I hate the 'he should look like his dad' argument.

Will you have a little girl's breasts enlarged or reduced to 'look like mom'?

Also...is this the first circumcision discussion on M14? I don't recall seeing any before this.
I'm very impressed that its so close to due dates and this is the first time I've seen it mentioned.

farmrose · January 2014

Sorry your mom reacted that way. I'm anticipating a similar reaction from MIL, if LO is a boy. DH and I discussed this the other evening as I have a strong suspicion theres a boy in there and we don't plan to circ.

BabyVDM · January 2014

DH and I didn't even need to discuss it. The answer would be leave it in tact.

Our hospital will not perform the procedure anyway. You have to go to private clinic.

It's nobody's business but the boys and if he wants it done when he is older than we would do that at the time.

we are having girls though so point is moot

SurpriseAt39 · January 2014

SuheyF1983 said:

SurpriseAt39 said:
No one's business about my kid's penis.

And FYI, I hate the 'he should look like his dad' argument.

Will you have a little girl's breasts enlarged or reduced to 'look like mom'?

Also...is this the first circumcision discussion on M14? I don't recall seeing any before this.
I'm very impressed that its so close to due dates and this is the first time I've seen it mentioned.
If I'm not mistaken there was one on Hot Topic Tuesday or some other thread several months ago.

Huh, I must have missed that.
(I actually rarely look at the subject of the Hot Topic posts...heehee...I don't care to get riled up at this point)

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