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October 2013 Moms
alyshamarie007
member
How Often?
alyshamarie007
member
Do your inlaws come over?
When DS was first born, they came over at least twice a week and then the past month they've wanted to come between 1-2 times a week. They stay several hours each time and pretty much want to hold him the entire time; which is fine exept they are not fans of letting him sleep if such should happen. Lately, he's been falling asleep at 8pm..and they usually don't leave until 10pm.
I love them to death, but now that I am back to work full-time, I am not a fan of this habit. During the week it's hard because I only get a couple hours with DS a night and I am exhausted from work. On the weekend, I am selfish and just want family alone time; however, they insist on coming over at least once so I've been just letting it happen.
DH is an only child and this is their only grandkid. We are blessed to have them nearby and I love having them develop a good relationship with DS. I guess I am just overwhelmed by everything right now and just wish I didn't feel obligated to have them over every week. I want them to get time with their grand kid...I just am not sure what is normal I guess in terms of grandparents visits. If this is normal than by all means I need to adjust my attitude and give in.
BFP #1 - 12/30/12 - EDD 9/13/13 - CP 
BFP #2 - 2/13/13 - EDD 10/24/13 - born 10/29/13 - Kian Edward
BFP #3 - 7/16/15 - EDD 3/27/16 - born 3/23/16 - Liam James
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Re: How Often?
As soon as he falls asleep after I feed him around 8pm, mil will come over and reach her arms out for him. As soon as I give him to her she turns him upright. he starts opening his eyes and my fil is like "he doesn't want to sleep- ha ha ha". Funny how every other night he stays asleep, lol. Normally I would say something, but DH's family is the type that would get their feelings hurt, which I really don't want to deal with. They went years with infertility trying to have DH and then they waited a long time to get their first grand kid and now they are over the moon about him, so DH and I have a hard time telling them "no", especially since she was kind enough to make me frozen meals when I went back to work.
Maybe if I had some space for a little while to get used the "back to work" thing, I wouldn't mind it so much. I just don't want to share him when I am able to be with him right now ...
BFP #2 - 2/13/13 - EDD 10/24/13 - born 10/29/13 - Kian Edward
BFP #3 - 7/16/15 - EDD 3/27/16 - born 3/23/16 - Liam James
My ILs live about 10 minutes away and they see LO every 2-3 weeks. So far it's been working fine because they will call and ask to come by, or we will call and ask if we can stop by. I prefer going to their place as opposed to them coming over to ours. It gives us more control over the situation (we've had some issues with them in the past and went a few years without talking to them) to leave when we want.
In general I have a rule that no one visits (and we don't visit others) if we have to work the next day. H gets home last and that is about 6pm, then we try to workout, shower, make dinner, prep bottles for the next day, hang with LO, and then get her to sleep. It's non-stop until about 10 when she goes to bed. I don't have the time or patience for anyone to come over and screw with our schedule.
So we do Friday evening visits or visits on Saturday. Sunday is devoted entirely to the 3 of us (and chores, unfortunately). So we rarely let anyone visit on Sundays. I think 1 visit a week is reasonable and you should get to call the shots. If it's not going to work for you, tell them.
LO then (2 days) and now (1 year)
My in laws (God love 'em) live about 15min away and MIL wants to come over about once a week. She usually offers to bring dinner (who doesn't like free food), although we don't always take her up on it. She's chronically late though and that's annoying. She'll show up at like 8, when she tells us it'll be between 6:30-7. She'll stay and hold LO even if she sleeps, which doesn't bother me, but I do get annoyed that she shows up late and then ends up staying a little late too...I get tired! Luckily she only asks on weekends.
My in-laws see him weekly/bi-weekly. Usually on a Saturday or Sunday day. All good now, but at first they were quite obtrusive and annoying stopping in at all random hours without warning. To be honest, I kind of broke them from the random unplanned visits passively. At the time, DH was on night shift, so I would go to my parents when I typically knew they liked to drop by. They would complain to DH that I was never home in which he would reply,"Well all you have to do is call." They started calling not long after and we would work out a time to visit - usually a couple of hours. They too wanted to keep him up in the evenings. I told them when they started calling to come during the day to get more interactive time. I think everyone is happier now - Mama, baby and in-laws.
FIL/SMIL live about 45 minutes. We see them every few weeks. They don't hold DS1 much because they have physical limitations and FIL is intimidated by holding babies. We usually go to their house because its a long drive and a huge deal for them to come to our house. Last we saw them was tje weekend after Christmas.
MIL is about 30 minutes away. We also see every few weeks. We usually invite her up to our house. She was just over this past weekend
My parents are 3 hours away so we see them every couple months. I am heading up there this weekend with the boys. Last we saw them was the weekend after Christmas. Once summer comes and the highways are full and slow because of the tourists visits will get further apart (got to love New England in the summer and fall).
My parents come over about once a week, week and a half for about an hour at a time. My dad almost always comes over for football Sunday bc otherwise they are just at home..gives my dad someone to scream with.
When we had our first my MIL stopped by afte work almost every day and my FIL stopped by afte work about two times a week. It was A LOT at times but I never wanted to complain because they are so nice and usually kept the visit to an hour.
Obviously the new baby excitement wore off as DS1 got older but now no one really comes to see DS2, and it makes me sad for him
Sorry, that's not helpful but I find any time with MIL to be too much time.
My parents live 2 min away and see the baby about every two weeks. My mother comes over more frequently because it is easy for her to swing by for a few minutes since they live so close. Plus she is very respectful of my husband and I and our time with the baby. She usually stops by when DH is working late.
OP, however I am a SAHM so I totally understand your perspective. You need time with LO as well. DDs grandparents are nearing their 70's already so I want her to have plenty of time with them.
ILs babysit DD1 once a week on Tuesday. Because she finishes school at 12 on Tuesday, they pick her up and watch her until 5:30 at the latest. Beginning at 5:29 MIL will call every 30 seconds. Once she's back in full time DC, it will be 3:30 - 5:30. They have not asked to see DD2. They see her for 2 minutes when she's in the car seat when I pick up DD1. They have also seen her on holidays.
My parents cannot commit to any schedule. They invite us to spend the weekend but that doesn't work for us for a million reasons. We have shared those reasons, they don't care. So they see my kids whenever I can't think of an activity for the day or there is some other event (it's been about once a week so far). I don't know what they will do once I'm back at work.
My family lives on the mainland, my mom visited when LO was born.