Idk if this is appropriate to post or not.. but i'm having a hard time today so here goes.
I had a mmc in October resulting in a d&c. That was my husband and my only pregnancy to date.
We have been ttc since the go-ahead from our doctor. (This is the second cycle). I got pregnant the 2nd cycle last time, so this second cycle is churning up thoughts and emotions like crazy.
I, like everyone else here, want a baby. I am fearful of a second loss. I know my body is able to become pregnant, but I have no assurance it can stay pregnant. I know this sounds awful cynical for someone with 1 loss as opposed to so many others who have suffered more than me. But I can't help feeling both excited and terrified. This cycle would mean a Halloween baby... my FAVORITE holiday.... ugh so torn between hope and fear
I'm just looking to know that others have similar feelings.. and its ok to feel the way I do.
Sorry for the rant. Thanks for reading on
3rd pregnancy -- 1st baby -- praying for a rainbow
#1 EDD 5/2014 -- MMC 10weeks ~~ #2 EDD 10/2014 -- Our baby girl, born sleeping 17weeks ~~ #3 EDD 8/2015
Re: Fears
BFP #1: 6/25/09 EDD 2/13/10 @ 6 weeks- Saw HB @ 9 weeks - DS born 2/11/10 (39w5d)
BFP #2: 2/20/13 EDD 11/4/13 - Saw HB 3/19/13 (7w2d) - MMC discovered 4/13/13 (10w5d) - Est. loss @ 9w3d - D&C 4/14/13
BFP #4: 9/10/14 (3w6d) EDD 5/21/15 - natural MC 9/23/14 @ 5w5d
BFP #5: 11/23/14 (3w3d) EDD 8/4/15 - Please be our Rainbow!
3rd pregnancy -- 1st baby -- praying for a rainbow
#1 EDD 5/2014 -- MMC 10weeks ~~ #2 EDD 10/2014 -- Our baby girl, born sleeping 17weeks ~~ #3 EDD 8/2015
Began trying for a baby January 2012
BFP 4.25.2013 EDD 1.3.2014 MMC 6.3.2013 D&C 6.19.2013
BFP 11.3.2013 CP 11.6.2013
BFP 3.31.2014 EDD 12.10.2014 Baby boy Carlson born 12.19.2014
If you give it a shot now, you have a chance as having your Halloween baby. If you sit out this cycle, then you already know that you won't. Wouldn't you rather have a chance, than none at all?
Thank you all for your words of encouragement! The want for a healthy baby completely outweighs everything else. I feel "ready" to try again.. but the 2ww was hard when I was blissfully unaware now it feels worse, because even if I get what I'm hoping for I'm not out of the woods. I guess I always knew that, but after a mmc the fear is tangible not just in the back of my mind.
Even when I was pregnant, I knew it could end and I tried to prepare myself. What I didn't "prepare" for was how I would feel afterward.
I am truly sorry for all of our losses. Thank you all again for your support. I hope that by sticking together, we can all make it out achieving our dreams.
3rd pregnancy -- 1st baby -- praying for a rainbow
#1 EDD 5/2014 -- MMC 10weeks ~~ #2 EDD 10/2014 -- Our baby girl, born sleeping 17weeks ~~ #3 EDD 8/2015