Pressure on an only

hopefulmom81 · January 2014

As all of you lovely ladies know, I currently love and loved being raised as an only child.

I will say, though, that there is this unspoken amount of pressure to being your parents' "one and only" shot at parenting glory. I look at DD and she is EVERYTHING we wanted. She is sweet, funny, snuggly, strong, has an attitude at times, and is darling.

I start thinking about that and realize that that is a lot to put on her..."you are everything we wanted". That is really overwhelming. Obviously, we would never say that out loud, but won't that come through in how we treat her?

I don't want her to think and live with the pressure that she causes our happiness, but in many regards, she really does. She is the biggest joy in our life...that is a hard thing to understand as a kid.

I am trying to think of ways to mediate this, but do you all think it just goes with the territory of being OAD? Do you worry about this too? Can I love her too much, LOL?!

Chapter79 · January 2014

You can NEVER love too much

I'll put a spin on it.. my BFF has 8 siblings. She has always felt extreme pressure. Her parents never technically put it ON her, but it's something she always felt. Stuff like... "I really need straight A's, or I can't go to college..." because how can her parents afford to send 9 kids to college? She felt she needed to exceed to get scholarships.

As a girl, I felt pressure in my family. I had two younger brothers. I needed to be the role model. I needed to be the first to graduate as a woman in my family. My brothers felt pressure for various reasons, too.

I think regardless of your family size and structure, all children will feel pressure at some point and for different reasons. Even if we, as parents, strive to NOT do this.. they will put it on themselves. Whether they have siblings, whether they are an only. It's just different reasons. But it's always there.

So I kinda try not to think along those lines, I guess, because I feel every family feels it. And I don't think you can EVER EVER love your child too much.

hopefulmom81 · January 2014

Yeah, I know you can't love them too much truly, I just don't want to smother her or make her feel overwhelmed.

I love both of your points that many children feel a lot of pressure regardless of family size. This really helps put it into perspective!

Chapter79 · January 2014

OhBenji said:

I agree with @chapter79. I want to be like her when I grow up!
Kids might feel pressured regardless, sometimes its in their nature and sometimes its how they were raised.

Damn. You make me sound old! haha

kristennd · January 2014

DH is an only and one reason he always wished for a sibling is that he felt smothered as a kid/teen. But looking back now as an adult, he feels that was really more his own mother's personality than his only child status.

[Deleted User] · January 2014

I put a lot of pressure on myself as a kid, and I had a younger sister. I definitely felt responsible for my parents' happiness, especially my mom's. She has a lot of the same depression and anxiety issues I do and I always felt like I had to do something to make her feel better. It was such a relief when I moved away to college and finally had some distance.

This is a major reason I do NOT want to have another (because I think it would be bad for my mental health), and why I am now working so hard at making MYSELF happy. I want DS to see that I can do that for myself, and it's not his job. Of course, I will also make sure he knows that he is the best ever in the whole world, so hopefully that's not a bad thing.

Want a personalized experience?

Pressure on an only

Re: Pressure on an only

Choose Another Board

Search Boards